Self-compassion taught him to admit the fact that life is painful sometimes
Take the misery of negative self-judgment in a luxuriously calm refuge-island of self-compassion… – Olya Aman
My cousin Victor was a fair example of a typical ‘mazhor’ (a kid of wealthy parents). He snapped his fingers and had everything he wished. And when his father lost every dollar they had in a risky market deal, Victor’s self-esteem suffered a great deal. He simply lost his place in the world, thinking that material possessions were the only means of determining it.
When his family moved to a shabby-looking village house nearby, his grandma left him in a will a long time ago, he considered all his plans for the future ruined. I found him very poorly equipped to live frugally and happily, rather he was prone to make up in negative judgmental feelings what he lacked in dollar bills. We were not friends, although spent hours together talking, or arguing about life. I was only 13 at the time, but felt myself superior to this 18-year-old kid.
Victor lived a narrow life of anxiety and depression. He suffered from fits of narcissistic, self-absorbing anger. He stopped any communication with his father, blaming his misfortunes on him. He spent almost all his time in the nearby town, and when he occasionally showed his wistful face in our village, he often ended up in my kitchen. He longed for compassionate attention and understanding. He was lost amid his troubled thoughts and feelings, and painfully needed to talk to someone, to pour his misery out and, by doing so, try to get his turbulent life in order. I tried to be a sympathetic listener.
In about a year of village life, Victor stopped coming home at all. I can admit now, I missed this troubled boy a lot. His parents found him almost too late. He entered the narcotic state of self-destruction, greedily grabbing after each opportunity to get stoned and forget about the present.
Self-compassion tells you to resist the temptation to criticize harshly yourself and others. You reach the full potential in life if you are alive with kind thoughts and feelings concerning others.
Six months in a rehabilitation clinic drew a straight line between his past and his present. Victor had to learn all over again to establish contact with people. But to do that he needed to notice their engaging characters, rather than labeling any new acquaintance either as a ‘valuable’ or a ‘useless’ one as he used to do before.
I was happy to accept my cousin in a small circle of my best friends. Now we could talk without raising our voices. Now we had more in common.
Self-compassion kindles a sense of belonging and connectedness. Attachment to humanity is the only way to diminish suffering.
To find new friends, Victor needed to add more positive emotions to his life. I loved him and was ready to accept him with the entire fabric of his timid personality and teach him to understand the keener pleasures of life without an abundance of money. Victor needed more people like that in his life.
The first note of compassion washes away anxiety. It was suggested by the science that self-compassion lights up regions of the brain linked to empathy, pleasure, and caregiving.
He plunged into the healing process by getting rid of regrets, doubts, and self-bitterness. Victor added to his life the rich touch of self-understanding, self-acceptance, and self-praise. It gave him power enough to think favorably about his future. I always told him he was smart enough to reach the desired, be it personal happiness, or material comforts. Finally, I saw signs that he believed in this creed.
Being kind to yourself means to learn the art of positive self-evaluation. There is nothing in this world more delightful than that state when you mentally balance between self-worth and acceptance of imperfections in yourself and in the world around.
Today Victor claims to have self-compassion enough in him to straighten his life in a balanced, heartfelt, and mindful way. He is not ignoring his past, but he is no longer exaggerating his own misconduct, rather takes the best from each experience. He needs to fight his way to happiness, always remembering about his past addiction. He praises himself for each day lived without drugs.
Conclusion
My cousin discovered inner instruments to make himself believe that he was special just the way he was. Victor doesn’t need money, recognition or fame to prove it. Today he accepts things as they are, because being not perfect means to be unique.
Victor recognizes his past mistakes and explains the reasons for them. Self-compassion taught him to admit the fact that life is painful sometimes. He radiates an atmosphere of power and productiveness, even facing hardships.
My cousin is imperfect yet magnificent as every one of us is. When he embraced what he could share with others rather than what benefit he could take from each person, he found genuine friends, people ready to be beside him even when he is in the wrong. Now his self-worth is much less easily shaken.
Stay tuned…
Olya Aman 
No. 2 is deep. But I like the facts raised,. So witty lol Kind of discovering a lot of things here. Thanks!
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It is great to have these ways to reach inner peace, and live a happier life, and bring positivity to those around you as well.
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That’s interesting that self-compassion brought on the empathy and the pleasure centers of the brain. It is essential to be able to have compassion on one’s self because everyone fails at times. It’s how we deal with failure which defines us.
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I am a huge advocate of self love and kindness. I believe in loving yourself in order to love others.
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As it was rightly pointed out self compassion makes us stronger and not narcissistic , becoming one’s own best friend makes you self reliant and gives you a better understanding of your strengths and weaknesses to better tackle life’s challenges .
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I have always tried to be a positive person and kind. But, sometimes I lack self-compassion. I really need to work on that more.
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I am loving that Self-Compassion Is Marked by Benefits of Self-Esteem and I can for sure use that for myself. I do try to always think positive because I do believe in the power of the mind and thinking positive brings forth positive but I am very hard on myself and d need to learn to be happy with myself.. truly. Thank you!
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I like the reasons for the importance of self-compassion. In order to be our best, we must be mentally balanced and self-compassion helps with that as you noted! Thanks for giving me something to think about!
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I agree on the importance of self-compassion. I believe that if we can be compassionate with ourselves then we will be able to be more compassionate with others.
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I am loving this informative post on self-compassion. It is so important in living your best life possible 🙂
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So good to know that there are so many health benefits of practicing self-compassion. It’s a good way to lead a contented and happy life. This post is a feel-good read. Thanks for this
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I never really considered number three, but you’re absolutely right!
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Many of us can be so unkind to ourselves! This is why it is so important to practice self-compassion.
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Sometimes we can be our own worst enemies when – instead – we should be our own best friends.
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Thank you for sharing! it’s so important to not only be kind to others but to be kind to our self.
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Love towards thyself is a sacred and most fundamental feeling for the life to unfold at its best and beautiful way. Powerful. Peaceful.
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This is a great article. I truly believe that in order to love others properly, we must first learn to love ourselves.
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I feel that it is very important to love yourself and to treat yourself with respect. otherwise, it is hard to expect others to treat you with respect. We are often are own worst critic, judging ourselves far more harshly than we would others.
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Sometimes we can be the hardest on ourselves, at least I sometimes am. It’s good reminder to love myself x
Laura
Pink frenzy
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Achieve Balanced Awareness is a big one for me. I’ve been discovering more of late as I grow older
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I have never even thought about having self-compassion before, or what it means to have that. I enjoyed this read and need to consider having some self-compassion more.
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This is such a beautiful article and self-love and self-kindness are so important because for me you can’t love and can’t be kind to others without loving and being kind with your own self.
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I have always practised kindness. But self-kindness is a new concept for me. Oh yes, I believe in self love but even then there are times when I am harsh on myself. I don’t do the same to myself that I do to others. Now when I think of it, yes, self compassion can completely boost a person’s self esteem. Thanks for sharing this!
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Nice blog..! You have so many great points here. Good thing I’m full of self compassion and I enjoyed this blog a lot.
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Thank you so much for sharing this. I tend to be hard on myself and don’t show a lot of kindness to myself.It is great to be reminded why it is so important.
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