Tag Archives: #difficultparentsteachers

Parenting

3 Ways to Create Healthy Emotional Atmosphere for Your Child

Leave a comment

Family discussions, with old and young alike taking part, can be as stimulating as sparks that ignite a fire. – Spanish saying

1) Every Child Is Born With the Growing Desire to Discover the Unknown 

Curiosity governs his actions and you need to satisfy it and help it to develop into a conscious longing to learn, that in later years will determine his success in life. He perceives you as a magician that knows everything and has numerous wonders. 

You reach into your bag, take out the phone and put it to your ear and listen and talk back, you put it back and grab a bottle of water, put it on the table and place a cookie on it that you just pulled from the same charmed sack. Don’t be surprised when this little adventurer approaches your bag as soon as you put it down and starts his discovery process, taking everything out and examining every object. Let him satisfy his curiosity, when he is done he probably won’t disturb the contents of it anymore.

But if he continues to do so every time you leave the room or just turn around, and you can tell that now it is a mere play – not curiosity; then you can show him a sign of your disapproval.

2) Be Careful When Distinguishing Between Curiosity and Misbehaving 

He is a smart little guy and will read the expression on your face: knitted eyebrows and stiff lips. If you are careful when distinguishing between curiosity and misbehaving, you will reap the fruits of your efforts soon enough. One day traveling you visit a wonderful ancient church with colorful frescos, golden candelabras, and stained glass windows. You come a bit earlier to have enough time to wander around and then to listen to the organ music. Your son will look around with his eyes wide open and a smile on his face, taking time to examine each painting.

When you quietly call him to have a seat beside you he will show ‘behavioral discipline’ and sit beside you and listen with you, maybe still occasionally looking around. You did a great job thinking ahead and coming earlier to give him time to contemplate the beauty of the place.

You may see another family with kids. They came just in time to sit down and listen to the music. The mother keeps reproaching the kids for not sitting still. The father may threaten them with what he may do when they leave the place. And the little ones try to obey and hide the burning desire to look around and see what is on that wall behind them and the one on the left, and to learn why there are multiple colors and sun comes through the windows in rainbow-like rays. These kids will get used to bottling their emotions up to save themselves from scolding.

3) Create Emotional Freedom in Your House

Your effort will determine your future success as a parent and you will be proud of your children. Discipline is important. The goal is to create true harmony between the emotional world and conscience.

If you govern in your household by the rules you never explain properly so that little soul may understand and admit them – you teach external discipline – one without understanding. Kids will obey because of fear of punishment, not because they internally comprehend the importance and meaning of these rules. And when the very person who introduced the rules is gone, the kids won’t follow them anymore – there will be no threat to force them to do so.

But if you take time to explain every disciplinary action to your child in a way so that his conscience will recognize and acknowledge it – whatever happens in the future, with you beside him or when you are gone – his conscience will remind him the good and bad, true and false, love and hate.

Conclusion

Conscience is the most sensitive scale that perfectly distinguishes between right and wrong. Be an example of a principled centered life, governed by your conscience and this way you will teach your child to balance the emotional world with the help of internal discipline. Sooner or later the time will come when only those treasures will help him to be a good person. Make sure you supply him with all he needs and you will be proud of your child for making this world a better place. 

Stay tuned…

Parenting

8 Ways to Make Your Child Mentally Strong

Leave a comment

Very often we travel the world over in search of what we need and return home to find it. – George Moore

1) We All Are Equipped With the Perfect Defense System

This inner defense mechanism keeps our inner selves at peace from outside intrusion. Some are experts in this art, some are good, and some forget how to turn on the safety barrier. 

But we are born with it perfectly adjusted. Look at a child who just lost everything he ever loved and cared about: his parents, his house with his dear toys – everything. And you see him smiling and playing in a sandbox. This behavior doesn’t mean that the child is insensitive. That only tells us that his soul cannot tolerate what happened and to protect the peace within him he denies it altogether.

2) How the Defense Mechanisms Work

Remember one of the numerous stories when a child completely forgets what happened as well as a few days or years before or after an emotionally devastating trauma. Such cases are known not just among kids but among adults as well. Our perfectly structured brain mechanisms work without fail unless we forget how to operate this system.

The same defense system triggers a child to suppress her emotions when she is not given enough love at home. To protect herself she learns how to be satisfied with less although her whole being cries for more and more. If she is faced with constant threats, comparisons with other ‘better’ kids and reproaches, she learns how to satisfy others in order to avoid conflicts. 

3) What Triggers Fake Personality Development

The absence of unconditional love at home is a straight route to developing a fake personality. In her adulthood she will be constantly looking for what others expect from her, and how she needs to be perceived by them to be liked. That leads her to a ‘lie-life’ when she says things that are considered lies and doesn’t feel any pricks of conscience as she just got so used to pretending. She feels that it is normal and safe to say what is better for others to hear or for her to be praised for without even considering the moral side of things. 

4) What Happens If a Child Is Constantly Abused at Home

If a child was constantly abused at home and was forced to bottle up her feelings for protection in that environment, she may develop internal aggressiveness that eventually will be released and directed either towards her younger siblings or other kids at school. Later in life she may seek a profession where she will have an opportunity to be authoritative and forceful towards others without judgment. She may choose to become a teacher, senior manager, or even a nurse – any profession that gives her some power. 

5) Violence Only Breeds Violence 

The forms of this demoralizing act can be physical, emotional or psychological. Someone said: “Advising a person in public is like insulting him.” This is one of the forms of violence as well as slapping a child and continuing to abuse him by asking: “Why are you crying?” Physical punishment may not be painful in terms of bodily suffering but it may cause a little child’s soul to bleed severely. 

6) Developing a False, Deceiving Affection Towards Offender

Sometimes a child develops feelings of affection towards the person tormenting him. A parent constantly causing a little person to be stressed and afraid may find an increase in love from her child. This kind of love is deceiving and changes when a child grows up and feels freedom from his parent’s bonds.

The same happens when a teacher develops a dislike for some of her students. The very child experiencing disrespect and continuous reproaches tries to find all possible ways to get into the teacher’s pet circle by maybe peaching on others or starting to falsely believe that he likes what the teacher likes and starting to behave in a similar way. This mode of action is destructive to the personality as well. Again, a false personality takes charge of a child’s inner world and his true emotional peace is lost and forgotten.

7) The Importance of Cultivating Trust in Humankind

If a child faces a constant need to use protective mechanisms she starts to fear life and lose trust in humankind. To avoid this pitfall in upbringing your child needs to know that no matter what, even if she misbehaves, her mom and dad are going to love her just the same. An authoritative regime will lead to disastrous consequences. 

8) The Vital Importance of Honesty and Sincerity at Home

Children are very sensitive to honesty and sincerity. They sense any ‘white’ or ‘black’ lie and develop the idea that it is normal to do so as the very ones they trust and love behave this way. Be aware of this and show an example of a noble spirit. There is no need to lie to hide your mistake and by doing so maintain the child’s respect.

Show that mistake is possible, and everyone can make it – even you, a highly praised and loved parent. The child understands that she can fall and come to you for comfort rather than telling a lie to justify her ripped trousers and a dirty shirt. The truth is always a better choice and it should be the only one. 

Conclusion

Create natural surroundings for your child. As if outside in nature, when there is nothing to worry about: no one to disappoint, no furniture that you cannot draw at, no books you shouldn’t touch. That atmosphere sets your child free and you too feel more open to her and more willing to understand. Let her express her emotions and know that she will not be humiliated.

Only when you understand and admit in your heart of hearts that the being you are entrusted with is perfect and deserves respect can you bestow this world with a true gem of humankind.

Stay tuned…

Parenting

3 Rules That Will Help You to Build Trust in Your Family

Leave a comment

What one loves in childhood stays in the heart forever. – Mary Jo Putney

1) A Baby Born Is One of the Most Benevolent and Impeccable Creations 

The child has his dharma already written and there is no need to put too much pressure on ourselves thinking over all the possible scenarios for the play of his life. We often write a script of step by step acts of this play: kindergarten, school, college; who should he hang out with and what should he do to earn his living in the future. To follow the written plan too closely in this life is of no use.

2) It Is Important to Be Adaptable to the Ever-Changing Social and Business Environment

We do not have the right to decide our kids’ destiny. The time will come and they will be out of your nest, building their own. Do not strive for full control over your children. Let them make their own decisions. Trust their judgment. They naturally know better what is good for them. Intuitively their body tells them to eat slowly – it is good for digestion. Your daughter may have a different view on how she wants to look today and she’s putting on this pair of socks because of the color, let her do so even though it does not match the rest of her outfit. Being small and vulnerable she used to sleep and eat just at the time she needed it. How different would’ve been our life if all of us could’ve listened and heard our body’s language?

3) Everybody Needs a Place Where One Can Relax and Be Himself 

If your child behaves differently or misbehaves, to be more exact, often when you are around and plays an obedient kid when you are not there – it is very normal. He reveals his true self in front of the person he loves and trusts the most. Analyze how you act in front of others in the office and at home with your spouse. You come home tired and let your irritation out – she or he will understand. Do you remember those moments? You need to express self-control to calm yourself down and not to put all your troubles on your spouse’s shoulders. Everybody needs a place where one can relax and be himself, even if at this very moment it is not the best version of you. Kids need to have atmosphere of freedom where their most cherished people will always understand.

Conclusion

The result of too much pressure in trying “to teach good habits” may be the lack of time and effort to cultivate a strong personality. If your child obeys you all the time she ends up living a life to please others and think that to be happy she needs to make others happy. You want a resolute child, one who knows what she wants from life, whose world is full of colors and deep emotions. Develop her sense of trust by allowing her to comfortably express herself within her family. Let her share her feelings with you, do not think they are not serious and childish – for this little soul it is ultimately important to find support and compassion in her parents.

Stay tuned…

Parenting

5 Parenting Tips That Will Secure Present and Future Happiness of Your Child

Leave a comment

Blessed is the home where each puts the other’s happiness first. – Anonymous

1) The Spiritual Bond Between the Baby and His Mother 

The mother’s body is like a tranquil old-fashioned clock that soothingly counts out heartbeats. For nine months a baby lives in this dark peace. The mother should try her best to stay calm and avoid any distractions that may disturb her peace. The spiritual bond between the baby and his mother is so strong that it continues after the birth of the baby for 4 more years. This little body feels safe in his mother’s presence and scared of the world full of unfamiliar sounds when she is not around.

2) The Gentle and Deliberate Motion of a Child’s Life

The pace with which the clock ticks governs the gentle and deliberate motion of a child’s life. He eats slowly, tasting the food; takes time to dress and tie his shoes – don’t hasten this learning process. Life shouldn’t be about speed, unfortunately, we tend to exhibit little patience as we are always in a hurry. That causes stress. We need to slow down and at the very least let our kids live life the way their internal clock tells them to. The natural flow of life, unhurried and consistent should be respected.

3) Let Your Child Experience Life in Small but Meaningful Ways 

Let him get cold so he knows why he needs to put on several layers of clothes, let him get hungry so he wants and asks for food. By chasing your child with a spoon in one hand and an extra pair of socks in another you won’t show him the reasons behind your actions. Let him understand things around him.

4) The Desire to Learn as It Is a Distinctive Feature of Human Beings

A child is naturally curious and it is important not to damage this desire to learn as it is a distinctive feature of human beings. When forced to learn something, children behave like adults. When you are told to submit a paper on a topic you are quite interested in under a threat of some kind, will you enjoy the process or will you experience stress and resentment? Children feel the same and by constantly forcing them by whip and candy, their curiosity may vanish. Then we witness a child with a learning disability. And the reason is simply a disturbance in the natural flow of things. They wonder “why” – encourage them to explore further under your supervision.

5) In a Child’s World, Everything Is Real 

A friend can be a giant lion, which lets him ride on its back, or a small kitten, that he holds in his tiny hands and feeds with imaginary water. Their imaginations are vivid and realistic, senses are sharp, and beliefs shaped and shaken by parents. Be careful what you tell your children and what you want them to accept as truth. They feel any false note, but they trust you fully so they think “it is the way it should be since mom deceives me in this way, it is “OK” for me to do the same”. You tell your little girl that the sweet piece of cake you eat and that looks so inviting is a harsh remedy that the doctor prescribed, and it is not tasty at all, on the contrary – it is very sour and bitter. You try to protect your little princess from the allergic reaction she has on her lovely skin each time she eats too much sugary stuff, so you invent this “white lie”. Next time you playfully ask her to share a little piece of an apple that you’ve just given her, she tells you that it is not good for you and you may cough if you eat it. Oh! How skillfully they mirror everything we do, consciously and unconsciously.

Conclusion

What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family. – Mother Teresa

And when you make your love conditional by saying: “Eat this porridge. You’ll make mommy love you even more.” Or “Behave, little man, don’t upset your father, he doesn’t love the kids that act this way.” And unnoticeably that little heart is wounded with the realization that mommy will love him “only” and “if” he will be just like that boy who lives next door. The consequences of this conditional love are harsh. Someday your little darling won’t be so dependent on you and feeling the taste of freedom he will lose the connection with you, who loved “only” and “if” in search of real love, but not believing in its existence. And this lack of trust in the purity of compassion will follow him wherever he goes. Don’t make this happen. Don’t ruin the trust and loving power of the heart you were entrusted to bring into this world.

Stay tuned…