Very often we travel the world over in search of what we need and return home to find it. – George Moore

1) We All Are Equipped With the Perfect Defense System

This inner defense mechanism keeps our inner selves at peace from outside intrusion. Some are experts in this art, some are good, and some forget how to turn on the safety barrier. 

But we are born with it perfectly adjusted. Look at a child who just lost everything he ever loved and cared about: his parents, his house with his dear toys – everything. And you see him smiling and playing in a sandbox. This behavior doesn’t mean that the child is insensitive. That only tells us that his soul cannot tolerate what happened and to protect the peace within him he denies it altogether.

2) How the Defense Mechanisms Work

Remember one of the numerous stories when a child completely forgets what happened as well as a few days or years before or after an emotionally devastating trauma. Such cases are known not just among kids but among adults as well. Our perfectly structured brain mechanisms work without fail unless we forget how to operate this system.

The same defense system triggers a child to suppress her emotions when she is not given enough love at home. To protect herself she learns how to be satisfied with less although her whole being cries for more and more. If she is faced with constant threats, comparisons with other ‘better’ kids and reproaches, she learns how to satisfy others in order to avoid conflicts. 

3) What Triggers Fake Personality Development

The absence of unconditional love at home is a straight route to developing a fake personality. In her adulthood she will be constantly looking for what others expect from her, and how she needs to be perceived by them to be liked. That leads her to a ‘lie-life’ when she says things that are considered lies and doesn’t feel any pricks of conscience as she just got so used to pretending. She feels that it is normal and safe to say what is better for others to hear or for her to be praised for without even considering the moral side of things. 

4) What Happens If a Child Is Constantly Abused at Home

If a child was constantly abused at home and was forced to bottle up her feelings for protection in that environment, she may develop internal aggressiveness that eventually will be released and directed either towards her younger siblings or other kids at school. Later in life she may seek a profession where she will have an opportunity to be authoritative and forceful towards others without judgment. She may choose to become a teacher, senior manager, or even a nurse – any profession that gives her some power. 

5) Violence Only Breeds Violence 

The forms of this demoralizing act can be physical, emotional or psychological. Someone said: “Advising a person in public is like insulting him.” This is one of the forms of violence as well as slapping a child and continuing to abuse him by asking: “Why are you crying?” Physical punishment may not be painful in terms of bodily suffering but it may cause a little child’s soul to bleed severely. 

6) Developing a False, Deceiving Affection Towards Offender

Sometimes a child develops feelings of affection towards the person tormenting him. A parent constantly causing a little person to be stressed and afraid may find an increase in love from her child. This kind of love is deceiving and changes when a child grows up and feels freedom from his parent’s bonds.

The same happens when a teacher develops a dislike for some of her students. The very child experiencing disrespect and continuous reproaches tries to find all possible ways to get into the teacher’s pet circle by maybe peaching on others or starting to falsely believe that he likes what the teacher likes and starting to behave in a similar way. This mode of action is destructive to the personality as well. Again, a false personality takes charge of a child’s inner world and his true emotional peace is lost and forgotten.

7) The Importance of Cultivating Trust in Humankind

If a child faces a constant need to use protective mechanisms she starts to fear life and lose trust in humankind. To avoid this pitfall in upbringing your child needs to know that no matter what, even if she misbehaves, her mom and dad are going to love her just the same. An authoritative regime will lead to disastrous consequences. 

8) The Vital Importance of Honesty and Sincerity at Home

Children are very sensitive to honesty and sincerity. They sense any ‘white’ or ‘black’ lie and develop the idea that it is normal to do so as the very ones they trust and love behave this way. Be aware of this and show an example of a noble spirit. There is no need to lie to hide your mistake and by doing so maintain the child’s respect.

Show that mistake is possible, and everyone can make it – even you, a highly praised and loved parent. The child understands that she can fall and come to you for comfort rather than telling a lie to justify her ripped trousers and a dirty shirt. The truth is always a better choice and it should be the only one. 

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Conclusion

Create natural surroundings for your child. As if outside in nature, when there is nothing to worry about: no one to disappoint, no furniture that you cannot draw at, no books you shouldn’t touch. That atmosphere sets your child free and you too feel more open to her and more willing to understand. Let her express her emotions and know that she will not be humiliated.

Only when you understand and admit in your heart of hearts that the being you are entrusted with is perfect and deserves respect can you bestow this world with a true gem of humankind.

Stay tuned…