In every conceivable manner, the family is linked to our past, bridge to our future. – Alex Haley
1) When You Are a Mother You Realize How Challenging and Rewarding This Role Is
Every possible color on an emotional spectrum is present in my life. I didn’t know how fast and easy one can go from being exhausted to angry and impatient, then right away feel regret and shame for not controlling this flow of emotions. These feelings should end up with laughter and tenderness after all.
Raising kids is not easy, and knowing that I am not the only one who does not always know how to react to screaming and rolling on the floor, and how to perceive some bad temper towards other kids in a friend’s house – helps me to strive for more knowledge by listening to the ones that are more experienced. I read the authors who learned a lot on their parenting journey.
2) Parenting Is a Life Exam and You Choose to Study and Pass It When You Decide to Have a Child
This process involves a lot of explorative reading. And not until I got acquainted with the works of Alice Miller, Adem Gunes, and some other pedagogues, psychologists, and teachers – I found answers to some questions crowding in my head.
There is no way anyone can predict the future of their kids. You see, you cannot predict to a 100% certainty if your tomorrow will turn out to be exact to your plan. But I wanted to make sure I do the best possible choices and make right decisions concerning my kids every day with the goal in mind to raise not ‘good’ (which means in parenting language ‘obedient’ kids) but happy and loving, kind and caring, thoughtful and creative, responsible and confident, independent and fulfilled personalities.
3) ‘Good’ = ‘Obedient’ Is Not Always Desirable and Some Resistance to Parents Can Be a Positive Sign
When fear is used – kids do whatever they’re told without thinking, just to please and obey adults. These children may become what their parents want them to be and lose themselves on this way.
There is a big difference between a child doing something and believing it is the right thing to do, and another kid that is just following the instructions. The first way creates independent thinkers and the second leads to unpredictable results.
Today this kid is listening to his parents without questioning and does everything he is told immediately, and tomorrow he does the same – but now he listens to someone else, his peers – and these people may not be the lot you’d have picked.
If your ultimate desire is to help your children to set and meet their own goals – then be prepared to find out that they may make choices and embrace values that aren’t the same as yours.
It is not easy to keep the big picture in mind and focus on long-term goals rather than on an immediate compliance. We need to consider what our children need rather than just what we’re demanding from them.
Conclusion
Motherhood is a never-ending learning process, and there is no one book to suit every scenario and one rule to follow in each situation. Every family is a different book to write and every mother and father is an author of a unique kind.
Stay tuned…
Olya Aman 