Tag Archives: #familyouts

Parenting

8 Ways to Make Your Child Mentally Strong

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Very often we travel the world over in search of what we need and return home to find it. – George Moore

1) We All Are Equipped With the Perfect Defense System

This inner defense mechanism keeps our inner selves at peace from outside intrusion. Some are experts in this art, some are good, and some forget how to turn on the safety barrier. 

But we are born with it perfectly adjusted. Look at a child who just lost everything he ever loved and cared about: his parents, his house with his dear toys – everything. And you see him smiling and playing in a sandbox. This behavior doesn’t mean that the child is insensitive. That only tells us that his soul cannot tolerate what happened and to protect the peace within him he denies it altogether.

2) How the Defense Mechanisms Work

Remember one of the numerous stories when a child completely forgets what happened as well as a few days or years before or after an emotionally devastating trauma. Such cases are known not just among kids but among adults as well. Our perfectly structured brain mechanisms work without fail unless we forget how to operate this system.

The same defense system triggers a child to suppress her emotions when she is not given enough love at home. To protect herself she learns how to be satisfied with less although her whole being cries for more and more. If she is faced with constant threats, comparisons with other ‘better’ kids and reproaches, she learns how to satisfy others in order to avoid conflicts. 

3) What Triggers Fake Personality Development

The absence of unconditional love at home is a straight route to developing a fake personality. In her adulthood she will be constantly looking for what others expect from her, and how she needs to be perceived by them to be liked. That leads her to a ‘lie-life’ when she says things that are considered lies and doesn’t feel any pricks of conscience as she just got so used to pretending. She feels that it is normal and safe to say what is better for others to hear or for her to be praised for without even considering the moral side of things. 

4) What Happens If a Child Is Constantly Abused at Home

If a child was constantly abused at home and was forced to bottle up her feelings for protection in that environment, she may develop internal aggressiveness that eventually will be released and directed either towards her younger siblings or other kids at school. Later in life she may seek a profession where she will have an opportunity to be authoritative and forceful towards others without judgment. She may choose to become a teacher, senior manager, or even a nurse – any profession that gives her some power. 

5) Violence Only Breeds Violence 

The forms of this demoralizing act can be physical, emotional or psychological. Someone said: “Advising a person in public is like insulting him.” This is one of the forms of violence as well as slapping a child and continuing to abuse him by asking: “Why are you crying?” Physical punishment may not be painful in terms of bodily suffering but it may cause a little child’s soul to bleed severely. 

6) Developing a False, Deceiving Affection Towards Offender

Sometimes a child develops feelings of affection towards the person tormenting him. A parent constantly causing a little person to be stressed and afraid may find an increase in love from her child. This kind of love is deceiving and changes when a child grows up and feels freedom from his parent’s bonds.

The same happens when a teacher develops a dislike for some of her students. The very child experiencing disrespect and continuous reproaches tries to find all possible ways to get into the teacher’s pet circle by maybe peaching on others or starting to falsely believe that he likes what the teacher likes and starting to behave in a similar way. This mode of action is destructive to the personality as well. Again, a false personality takes charge of a child’s inner world and his true emotional peace is lost and forgotten.

7) The Importance of Cultivating Trust in Humankind

If a child faces a constant need to use protective mechanisms she starts to fear life and lose trust in humankind. To avoid this pitfall in upbringing your child needs to know that no matter what, even if she misbehaves, her mom and dad are going to love her just the same. An authoritative regime will lead to disastrous consequences. 

8) The Vital Importance of Honesty and Sincerity at Home

Children are very sensitive to honesty and sincerity. They sense any ‘white’ or ‘black’ lie and develop the idea that it is normal to do so as the very ones they trust and love behave this way. Be aware of this and show an example of a noble spirit. There is no need to lie to hide your mistake and by doing so maintain the child’s respect.

Show that mistake is possible, and everyone can make it – even you, a highly praised and loved parent. The child understands that she can fall and come to you for comfort rather than telling a lie to justify her ripped trousers and a dirty shirt. The truth is always a better choice and it should be the only one. 

Conclusion

Create natural surroundings for your child. As if outside in nature, when there is nothing to worry about: no one to disappoint, no furniture that you cannot draw at, no books you shouldn’t touch. That atmosphere sets your child free and you too feel more open to her and more willing to understand. Let her express her emotions and know that she will not be humiliated.

Only when you understand and admit in your heart of hearts that the being you are entrusted with is perfect and deserves respect can you bestow this world with a true gem of humankind.

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Parenting

3 Tips to Build Confidence in Your Child

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One of the luckiest things that can happen to you in life is, I think, to have a happy childhood. – Agatha Christie

1) To Build Confidence in Your Child Is to Add a Building Block to the House of Human Dignity

You should take charge of a very important place in your child’s emotional world – a place of honesty and persistence. This will help to shape a sensitive and at the same time, a powerful personality. Do you want to raise a child that depends on you or do you want to bring up a resolute strong character? To do so you need to work on your character first and foremost. If you are brave and honest – this task is for you.

2) To Raise a Submissive Child Is a Mistake Easily Made

Some people perceive weakness and want to raise a submissive child. In this case, the little girl at some point forgets how to show her real feelings as she gets so used to pleasing her parents for the love they give. She may lose the connection with her true inner spirit and will wear a mask all her life without even realizing it. Do you need a child that hides herself from you and from the outside world? This way you may never say that you know who she truly is, and you don’t know what to expect from her. The time comes and we all lose that connection with our parents either for a while or forever and then the main role in our life is taken by ‘society’: friends, coworkers and so on. Now you cannot predict how her character will shift to please other people around her, whom she considers more important at this point in her life.

3) Parenting Is a Never-Ending Learning Process for Both Parents and Kids

We all lead by example and this is the most important thing to remember in raising a child. Parenting is a never-ending learning process for both parties: parents and kids. Your child may teach you many things. And the most important here is your desire to open your heart and read the words of true love inscribed in it.

Conclusion

Love yourself as you are and love your child unconditionally. Be open to exploring your true emotional world so you can become sensitive to your baby’s sacred needs. Your goal is to grow genuine admiration, when a child is obedient because she trusts and respects her parents and not because of fear.

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Parenting

5 Parenting Tips That Will Secure Present and Future Happiness of Your Child

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Blessed is the home where each puts the other’s happiness first. – Anonymous

1) The Spiritual Bond Between the Baby and His Mother 

The mother’s body is like a tranquil old-fashioned clock that soothingly counts out heartbeats. For nine months a baby lives in this dark peace. The mother should try her best to stay calm and avoid any distractions that may disturb her peace. The spiritual bond between the baby and his mother is so strong that it continues after the birth of the baby for 4 more years. This little body feels safe in his mother’s presence and scared of the world full of unfamiliar sounds when she is not around.

2) The Gentle and Deliberate Motion of a Child’s Life

The pace with which the clock ticks governs the gentle and deliberate motion of a child’s life. He eats slowly, tasting the food; takes time to dress and tie his shoes – don’t hasten this learning process. Life shouldn’t be about speed, unfortunately, we tend to exhibit little patience as we are always in a hurry. That causes stress. We need to slow down and at the very least let our kids live life the way their internal clock tells them to. The natural flow of life, unhurried and consistent should be respected.

3) Let Your Child Experience Life in Small but Meaningful Ways 

Let him get cold so he knows why he needs to put on several layers of clothes, let him get hungry so he wants and asks for food. By chasing your child with a spoon in one hand and an extra pair of socks in another you won’t show him the reasons behind your actions. Let him understand things around him.

4) The Desire to Learn as It Is a Distinctive Feature of Human Beings

A child is naturally curious and it is important not to damage this desire to learn as it is a distinctive feature of human beings. When forced to learn something, children behave like adults. When you are told to submit a paper on a topic you are quite interested in under a threat of some kind, will you enjoy the process or will you experience stress and resentment? Children feel the same and by constantly forcing them by whip and candy, their curiosity may vanish. Then we witness a child with a learning disability. And the reason is simply a disturbance in the natural flow of things. They wonder “why” – encourage them to explore further under your supervision.

5) In a Child’s World, Everything Is Real 

A friend can be a giant lion, which lets him ride on its back, or a small kitten, that he holds in his tiny hands and feeds with imaginary water. Their imaginations are vivid and realistic, senses are sharp, and beliefs shaped and shaken by parents. Be careful what you tell your children and what you want them to accept as truth. They feel any false note, but they trust you fully so they think “it is the way it should be since mom deceives me in this way, it is “OK” for me to do the same”. You tell your little girl that the sweet piece of cake you eat and that looks so inviting is a harsh remedy that the doctor prescribed, and it is not tasty at all, on the contrary – it is very sour and bitter. You try to protect your little princess from the allergic reaction she has on her lovely skin each time she eats too much sugary stuff, so you invent this “white lie”. Next time you playfully ask her to share a little piece of an apple that you’ve just given her, she tells you that it is not good for you and you may cough if you eat it. Oh! How skillfully they mirror everything we do, consciously and unconsciously.

Conclusion

What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family. – Mother Teresa

And when you make your love conditional by saying: “Eat this porridge. You’ll make mommy love you even more.” Or “Behave, little man, don’t upset your father, he doesn’t love the kids that act this way.” And unnoticeably that little heart is wounded with the realization that mommy will love him “only” and “if” he will be just like that boy who lives next door. The consequences of this conditional love are harsh. Someday your little darling won’t be so dependent on you and feeling the taste of freedom he will lose the connection with you, who loved “only” and “if” in search of real love, but not believing in its existence. And this lack of trust in the purity of compassion will follow him wherever he goes. Don’t make this happen. Don’t ruin the trust and loving power of the heart you were entrusted to bring into this world.

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