Tag Archives: #lovechildren

Parenting

3 Ways to Create Healthy Emotional Atmosphere for Your Child

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Family discussions, with old and young alike taking part, can be as stimulating as sparks that ignite a fire. – Spanish saying

1) Every Child Is Born With the Growing Desire to Discover the Unknown 

Curiosity governs his actions and you need to satisfy it and help it to develop into a conscious longing to learn, that in later years will determine his success in life. He perceives you as a magician that knows everything and has numerous wonders. 

You reach into your bag, take out the phone and put it to your ear and listen and talk back, you put it back and grab a bottle of water, put it on the table and place a cookie on it that you just pulled from the same charmed sack. Don’t be surprised when this little adventurer approaches your bag as soon as you put it down and starts his discovery process, taking everything out and examining every object. Let him satisfy his curiosity, when he is done he probably won’t disturb the contents of it anymore.

But if he continues to do so every time you leave the room or just turn around, and you can tell that now it is a mere play – not curiosity; then you can show him a sign of your disapproval.

2) Be Careful When Distinguishing Between Curiosity and Misbehaving 

He is a smart little guy and will read the expression on your face: knitted eyebrows and stiff lips. If you are careful when distinguishing between curiosity and misbehaving, you will reap the fruits of your efforts soon enough. One day traveling you visit a wonderful ancient church with colorful frescos, golden candelabras, and stained glass windows. You come a bit earlier to have enough time to wander around and then to listen to the organ music. Your son will look around with his eyes wide open and a smile on his face, taking time to examine each painting.

When you quietly call him to have a seat beside you he will show ‘behavioral discipline’ and sit beside you and listen with you, maybe still occasionally looking around. You did a great job thinking ahead and coming earlier to give him time to contemplate the beauty of the place.

You may see another family with kids. They came just in time to sit down and listen to the music. The mother keeps reproaching the kids for not sitting still. The father may threaten them with what he may do when they leave the place. And the little ones try to obey and hide the burning desire to look around and see what is on that wall behind them and the one on the left, and to learn why there are multiple colors and sun comes through the windows in rainbow-like rays. These kids will get used to bottling their emotions up to save themselves from scolding.

3) Create Emotional Freedom in Your House

Your effort will determine your future success as a parent and you will be proud of your children. Discipline is important. The goal is to create true harmony between the emotional world and conscience.

If you govern in your household by the rules you never explain properly so that little soul may understand and admit them – you teach external discipline – one without understanding. Kids will obey because of fear of punishment, not because they internally comprehend the importance and meaning of these rules. And when the very person who introduced the rules is gone, the kids won’t follow them anymore – there will be no threat to force them to do so.

But if you take time to explain every disciplinary action to your child in a way so that his conscience will recognize and acknowledge it – whatever happens in the future, with you beside him or when you are gone – his conscience will remind him the good and bad, true and false, love and hate.

Conclusion

Conscience is the most sensitive scale that perfectly distinguishes between right and wrong. Be an example of a principled centered life, governed by your conscience and this way you will teach your child to balance the emotional world with the help of internal discipline. Sooner or later the time will come when only those treasures will help him to be a good person. Make sure you supply him with all he needs and you will be proud of your child for making this world a better place. 

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Parenting

3 Rules That Will Help You to Build Trust in Your Family

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What one loves in childhood stays in the heart forever. – Mary Jo Putney

1) A Baby Born Is One of the Most Benevolent and Impeccable Creations 

The child has his dharma already written and there is no need to put too much pressure on ourselves thinking over all the possible scenarios for the play of his life. We often write a script of step by step acts of this play: kindergarten, school, college; who should he hang out with and what should he do to earn his living in the future. To follow the written plan too closely in this life is of no use.

2) It Is Important to Be Adaptable to the Ever-Changing Social and Business Environment

We do not have the right to decide our kids’ destiny. The time will come and they will be out of your nest, building their own. Do not strive for full control over your children. Let them make their own decisions. Trust their judgment. They naturally know better what is good for them. Intuitively their body tells them to eat slowly – it is good for digestion. Your daughter may have a different view on how she wants to look today and she’s putting on this pair of socks because of the color, let her do so even though it does not match the rest of her outfit. Being small and vulnerable she used to sleep and eat just at the time she needed it. How different would’ve been our life if all of us could’ve listened and heard our body’s language?

3) Everybody Needs a Place Where One Can Relax and Be Himself 

If your child behaves differently or misbehaves, to be more exact, often when you are around and plays an obedient kid when you are not there – it is very normal. He reveals his true self in front of the person he loves and trusts the most. Analyze how you act in front of others in the office and at home with your spouse. You come home tired and let your irritation out – she or he will understand. Do you remember those moments? You need to express self-control to calm yourself down and not to put all your troubles on your spouse’s shoulders. Everybody needs a place where one can relax and be himself, even if at this very moment it is not the best version of you. Kids need to have atmosphere of freedom where their most cherished people will always understand.

Conclusion

The result of too much pressure in trying “to teach good habits” may be the lack of time and effort to cultivate a strong personality. If your child obeys you all the time she ends up living a life to please others and think that to be happy she needs to make others happy. You want a resolute child, one who knows what she wants from life, whose world is full of colors and deep emotions. Develop her sense of trust by allowing her to comfortably express herself within her family. Let her share her feelings with you, do not think they are not serious and childish – for this little soul it is ultimately important to find support and compassion in her parents.

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Personal Growth

4 Ways to Make Your Relationship Strong

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There can be no disparity in marriage like unsuitability of mind and purpose. – Charles Dickens (“David Copperfield”)

1) Start Every Encounter With 100% Effort 

There is no such thing as “give-me-and-I-give-you” relationships. Start every encounter with 100% effort to do the best you can for the other party and that will transform your life. That desire to own someone completely settled in every heart. And from there this unruly longing puts together selfish schemes. It puts ‘must-s’, ‘has to-s’, ‘should –s’ in your way, so that you only give if you know that you will get something back. Stop thinking that the other person must, has to and should do this and that for you, because You did a good deed. Let your left hand create unconditional kindness and do not let the right one know about it. 

2) Do Not Expect Any Payback 

Either from that person or in any other form you will get twice as much. The universal law of boomerang doesn’t make mistakes. It regains more speed and comes back with much more force, good or bad – you decide. The same law governs the “country of two people”. If both of you give 100% of your love, care, attention, understanding, respect – you can get a hold of happiness.

3) When You Put Into Force the Power of Devotion and Unconditional Love

When you take the person beside you as a gift to you and you relish this gift with care and admiration; when you consider that person your soulmate, the one that is going to be always with you no matter what, in good or bad – then you will get what you expect. But if you ponder your relationships as something “not-for-ever”, “today-here-tomorrow-not”, and take it for granted – you also get exactly what you expect. 

George Eliot expressed the significance of this union like no other: “What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel they are joined for life – to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories.” 

4) When an Essential Ingredient for Your Happiness Is Missing 

Some people tend to anticipate a change to the worse in their partner and prepare themselves for it. This attitude serves as a protective mechanism: “When it happens – I will be ready, and it won’t be so painful, so I better love him/her less.” In this case an essential ingredient for your happiness is missing: the ultimate trust and belief in you both. 

Conclusion

Think about it for a moment: your kids will love you – yes, but they will have their own lives with their own spouses and children. You need someone who will be with you forever. Someone who won’t care how your looks change, as you get just more beautiful with the years going by, accumulating wonders inside.

To grow together, to prosper, share ups and downs, support each other every step of the way… Don’t you want that to be your reality? Let it be. Be ready to give 100% of yourself to a loved one.

Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family. Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead out daily life too often as if we take our family for granted. – Paul Pearsall

Don’t take it for granted. Say thank you every day and not just once.

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Parenting

Happy Memories Last a Lifetime If You Know This Simple Truth

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My mom shaped our delicate souls with unconditional love

The snow was deep, the morning was happy, and the planned activity for the day was the most cheerful. A nearby forest was a place for kids’ games and enchanted stories about hidden treasures. The kids from the entire village gathered their sleds, skis, and simple hunks of plastic (those were the best things to sled down the main hill) and met at the designated place.

I put on my best coat. That white-pinkish fake fur made me look like a tiny cloud of thick mist on skinny legs — and taking my makeshift sledding gear, I ran to meet my friends. We had a blast! My face was red, my lips chapped, and my eyes watered from the frosty air, happy shouting and too much laughing.

When I came home at last, much later than my mom allowed me, I looked like a drenched grey mouse. My lovely fur turned into a dirty wet mass. The look on my mother’s face said more than words could. But she composed herself, closed her eyes, and sighed with a soft smile on her lips.

I understood fully her words many years after. At that time, they only meant that she was not cross with me, “You know I love you, cutie pie. Life is a collection of happy moments, so let us have another one together. I will make your favorite pancakes. How about that?”

My sister and I were sitting at our small square solid-wood dining table covered with a sunflower tablecloth. My mom always made our house look like one of Stephen Darbishire’s summer paintings. We had color sprinkled in each room: handmade pillows, embroidered pictures, and lacy doilies on every surface.

I spilled my tea, dotted the space around my teacup with sugar, and put the cuff of my shirt in jam with no reproachful comments from neither my mom nor my sister. The green tea with ginger, lemon, and honey was my mother’s masterpiece. Accompanied by hot pancakes, straight from the pan, it was the greatest luxury of my childhood. I needed to possess a remarkable skill to finish the previous round and soft delicacy in time to stretch my hand for a new hot one before my sister did. It was a fun little competition. Even nowadays we play this game mostly to amuse each other and to make our mom laugh heartily.

My mother knew the power of unconditional love as a parent and chose to show it in three main ways. We can use these in our parenting too:

Choose happy moments to outline life.

To an outsider’s scrupulous eye, it might have been a sad life of many losses, but she decided otherwise. We lost our father when I was three years old, and my mom was only twenty-eight. We were her salvation. Her nature was overly sensitive to every little prick in our humble family life. She shaped our delicate souls with a dominant spirit of unconditional love, and it showed us the path to happiness.

Allow them to experiment and explore.

We attain knowledge by trial and failure, touch, and pain. My mom knew that it was necessary to have something to regret about. There is no freedom in a house in constant order with kids in a state of never broken obedience. Wild tunes should have their place in every family symphony.

The world around us is alive, ruddy, and satisfying only if we are allowed to make mistakes without fear. Being a living embodiment of love, trust, and understanding, she always thought about the consoling things to say when she saw the sparks of tears in our eyes.

Make every moment special.

What to use as a measuring scale when you define life is solely a personal choice. There is a multitude of feelings, countless moments, numerous meetings, hopefully, plentiful impressions — everything has its own emotional shade. The good news is we can choose the colors to paint our life.

We are all composed of the fragments of our various experiences. Being a parent myself, I know it is in my power to make most of these personality-building-moments bright, colorful, and happy for my children.

Stay tuned…