Tag Archives: olyaamanfilms

8 Ways to Make Your Child Mentally Strong

June 13, 2020 Olya Aman Leave a comment

Very often we travel the world over in search of what we need and return home to find it. – George Moore

1) We All Are Equipped With the Perfect Defense System

This inner defense mechanism keeps our inner selves at peace from outside intrusion. Some are experts in this art, some are good, and some forget how to turn on the safety barrier.

But we are born with it perfectly adjusted. Look at a child who just lost everything he ever loved and cared about: his parents, his house with his dear toys – everything. And you see him smiling and playing in a sandbox. This behavior doesn’t mean that the child is insensitive. That only tells us that his soul cannot tolerate what happened and to protect the peace within him he denies it altogether.

2) How the Defense Mechanisms Work

Remember one of the numerous stories when a child completely forgets what happened as well as a few days or years before or after an emotionally devastating trauma. Such cases are known not just among kids but among adults as well. Our perfectly structured brain mechanisms work without fail unless we forget how to operate this system.

The same defense system triggers a child to suppress her emotions when she is not given enough love at home. To protect herself she learns how to be satisfied with less although her whole being cries for more and more. If she is faced with constant threats, comparisons with other ‘better’ kids and reproaches, she learns how to satisfy others in order to avoid conflicts.

3) What Triggers Fake Personality Development

The absence of unconditional love at home is a straight route to developing a fake personality. In her adulthood she will be constantly looking for what others expect from her, and how she needs to be perceived by them to be liked. That leads her to a ‘lie-life’ when she says things that are considered lies and doesn’t feel any pricks of conscience as she just got so used to pretending. She feels that it is normal and safe to say what is better for others to hear or for her to be praised for without even considering the moral side of things.

4) What Happens If a Child Is Constantly Abused at Home

If a child was constantly abused at home and was forced to bottle up her feelings for protection in that environment, she may develop internal aggressiveness that eventually will be released and directed either towards her younger siblings or other kids at school. Later in life she may seek a profession where she will have an opportunity to be authoritative and forceful towards others without judgment. She may choose to become a teacher, senior manager, or even a nurse – any profession that gives her some power.

5) Violence Only Breeds Violence

The forms of this demoralizing act can be physical, emotional or psychological. Someone said: “Advising a person in public is like insulting him.” This is one of the forms of violence as well as slapping a child and continuing to abuse him by asking: “Why are you crying?” Physical punishment may not be painful in terms of bodily suffering but it may cause a little child’s soul to bleed severely.

6) Developing a False, Deceiving Affection Towards Offender

Sometimes a child develops feelings of affection towards the person tormenting him. A parent constantly causing a little person to be stressed and afraid may find an increase in love from her child. This kind of love is deceiving and changes when a child grows up and feels freedom from his parent’s bonds.

The same happens when a teacher develops a dislike for some of her students. The very child experiencing disrespect and continuous reproaches tries to find all possible ways to get into the teacher’s pet circle by maybe peaching on others or starting to falsely believe that he likes what the teacher likes and starting to behave in a similar way. This mode of action is destructive to the personality as well. Again, a false personality takes charge of a child’s inner world and his true emotional peace is lost and forgotten.

7) The Importance of Cultivating Trust in Humankind

If a child faces a constant need to use protective mechanisms she starts to fear life and lose trust in humankind. To avoid this pitfall in upbringing your child needs to know that no matter what, even if she misbehaves, her mom and dad are going to love her just the same. An authoritative regime will lead to disastrous consequences.

8) The Vital Importance of Honesty and Sincerity at Home

Children are very sensitive to honesty and sincerity. They sense any ‘white’ or ‘black’ lie and develop the idea that it is normal to do so as the very ones they trust and love behave this way. Be aware of this and show an example of a noble spirit. There is no need to lie to hide your mistake and by doing so maintain the child’s respect.

Show that mistake is possible, and everyone can make it – even you, a highly praised and loved parent. The child understands that she can fall and come to you for comfort rather than telling a lie to justify her ripped trousers and a dirty shirt. The truth is always a better choice and it should be the only one.

Conclusion

Create natural surroundings for your child. As if outside in nature, when there is nothing to worry about: no one to disappoint, no furniture that you cannot draw at, no books you shouldn’t touch. That atmosphere sets your child free and you too feel more open to her and more willing to understand. Let her express her emotions and know that she will not be humiliated.

Only when you understand and admit in your heart of hearts that the being you are entrusted with is perfect and deserves respect can you bestow this world with a true gem of humankind.

Stay tuned…

Parenting

3 Things to Be Aware of When Bringing up a Child

June 12, 2020 Olya Aman Leave a comment

It was nice growing up with someone like you – someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on! – Anonymous

1) When a Child Cannot Cope With His Internal Desires

What happens when a child’s conscience is sleeping, long forgotten? Conscience helps to cope with our internal harmful desires. When all that a child knew throughout his life is orders and expectations to behave a certain way – he loses self-control and the skill to judge what is good and what is bad by himself. Every child must have, and I cannot stress it enough, the abundance of unconditional love and understanding. Through this rejuvenating feeling he learns about all good and bad things in life.

2) When You See a Falsely Obedient Children

You have seen examples of falsely obedient children. They behave as expected when they are at home, trying to eliminate any conflicts with their parents and siblings. And as soon as they leave home they try everything as if they are rebelling. When grown-up, some may end up drug addicts, others can find pleasures in uncontrolled sexual behavior, and some individuals are not able to say ‘no’ to a tasty high-calorie snack and end up overweight. They hate themselves for the weakness they have no strength to fight.

The lack of true love at home when they were kids, made them uncertain if this feeling existed. This doubt is damaging beyond any degree. A person that is uncertain if sincere affection, compassion, and love are present in his life – is actually uncertain in anything, including himself.

3) When a Child Has the Lack of Personal Identity

The reason for all of the described above is the lack of personal identity. Let your child experience life. Be close by to explain and lead by example instead of forcing him blindly to follow your instructions just because you think this is right and that is wrong. These little adventurers need to experiment early on and learn how to live in peace with their consciousness.

Take time to explain things they are interested in and things you think important for them to understand. You will find that repeating the same thing is quite annoying, be patient – you will be rewarded for your loving effort.

Conclusion

When a four-year-old feels discomfort when making the blunder of breaking a toy he took forcefully from a smaller child – he wouldn’t do that again not because it disappointed you, but because he felt ashamed and saw the tears of another little child. Do not be cross, explain the meaning of tears on another child’s face.

You know that life is not all about joy and pleasure. They need to learn that as well with your help and support. Let them fly but keep your arms always ready to catch them if they fall, to embrace them and treat their wounds.

Stay tuned…

Parenting

4 Major Rules That Will Help You Be a Better Parent

June 11, 2020 Olya Aman Leave a comment

There was a place in childhood that I remember well, and there a voice of sweetest tone bright fairytales did tell. – Samuel Lover

1) It Is Important to Understand the Mechanisms That Govern Our Emotional World

To do so we need to go to our ‘inner place’ and find the ‘self’ – the personality that tells you to be depressed when it is sunny outside, the guy that brings intuition into play and employing it tries to tell you how to act or how to perceive this situation or person, it is the one that brings to the surface thoughts of suicide in a person whose life seems harmonious and fulfilling to an outside observer.

You cannot deny the existence of that ‘self’ within you. You should admit this presence and learn how to live in harmony with it. This is crucial for a thoughtful upbringing. You will be able to read the cause and effect of defense mechanisms that are turned on and off by the ‘self’ inside of every human being.

2) Don’t Think That Every Conflict Between You and Your Child Is a Competition You Need to Win

It is just the way children protect their dignity. Imagine someone telling you that you are irresponsible – your first reaction to such an offense will be to prove the opponent wrong and you blush and start to defend yourself. The same happens with your child when you tell him that he is untidy. His defensive reaction is not intended to offend you but to protect his inner ‘self’ – his dignity. Even babies do their best to protect their ‘self’. They cry if they sense any threat from a person looking at them.

3) No One Wants to Be Perceived Negatively

When you constantly tell your little one: “you are lazy, too slow, forgetful, clumsy” and so on – he will get into the habit of fighting the assaults and can even reach a violent state. No one wants to be perceived negatively, especially by the closest people – family members. But eventually, he’ll get tired of being defensive. He will feel like an alien in his own house.

You need to worry when your child stops protecting himself from harm and becomes silent. That means he has become too tough to understand his feelings or to be sensitive to any outside intrusion. An insensitive child doesn’t have strong principles to live by. He loses his identity. This is a real disaster. The child that became tired from constant attacks and became desensitized loses the taste of life, the joy of creation. Only the one whose inner place was cherished can experience with his heart, not just senses, the smell of a flower, the touch of wind on his hair, or the taste of a berry.

4) Mother’s Arms Should Be an Always Present Shelter From All Calamities

Troubles can be big or small, coming from a father or an older brother or sister, or the outside world. Mother will understand. She will be just but will love her child no matter what. Always remember that words are like birds – you let them out, and you will never be able to catch them again. Words create deep wounds in a heart that burn and can even leave scars that will last a lifetime. Be cautious about the birds you let fly out.

Conclusion

Do not try to be a conscience for your child. He already has one and needs to act accordingly. If you try to govern his actions all the time, he will follow the path you’ve chosen and forgets how to react to the inner call. He needs to see what is right and wrong through his own conscience, this way that skill will be with him forever. To make conscience an always present friend a child needs to get used to it always being around. Allow him to make mistakes and understand the cause and effect of them.

Stay tuned…

Parenting

3 Tips to Build Confidence in Your Child

June 10, 2020 Olya Aman Leave a comment

One of the luckiest things that can happen to you in life is, I think, to have a happy childhood. – Agatha Christie

1) To Build Confidence in Your Child Is to Add a Building Block to the House of Human Dignity

You should take charge of a very important place in your child’s emotional world – a place of honesty and persistence. This will help to shape a sensitive and at the same time, a powerful personality. Do you want to raise a child that depends on you or do you want to bring up a resolute strong character? To do so you need to work on your character first and foremost. If you are brave and honest – this task is for you.

2) To Raise a Submissive Child Is a Mistake Easily Made

Some people perceive weakness and want to raise a submissive child. In this case, the little girl at some point forgets how to show her real feelings as she gets so used to pleasing her parents for the love they give. She may lose the connection with her true inner spirit and will wear a mask all her life without even realizing it. Do you need a child that hides herself from you and from the outside world? This way you may never say that you know who she truly is, and you don’t know what to expect from her. The time comes and we all lose that connection with our parents either for a while or forever and then the main role in our life is taken by ‘society’: friends, coworkers and so on. Now you cannot predict how her character will shift to please other people around her, whom she considers more important at this point in her life.

3) Parenting Is a Never-Ending Learning Process for Both Parents and Kids

We all lead by example and this is the most important thing to remember in raising a child. Parenting is a never-ending learning process for both parties: parents and kids. Your child may teach you many things. And the most important here is your desire to open your heart and read the words of true love inscribed in it.

Conclusion

Love yourself as you are and love your child unconditionally. Be open to exploring your true emotional world so you can become sensitive to your baby’s sacred needs. Your goal is to grow genuine admiration, when a child is obedient because she trusts and respects her parents and not because of fear.

Stay tuned…

Parenting

3 Rules That Will Help You to Build Trust in Your Family

June 9, 2020 Olya Aman Leave a comment

What one loves in childhood stays in the heart forever. – Mary Jo Putney

1) A Baby Born Is One of the Most Benevolent and Impeccable Creations

The child has his dharma already written and there is no need to put too much pressure on ourselves thinking over all the possible scenarios for the play of his life. We often write a script of step by step acts of this play: kindergarten, school, college; who should he hang out with and what should he do to earn his living in the future. To follow the written plan too closely in this life is of no use.

2) It Is Important to Be Adaptable to the Ever-Changing Social and Business Environment

We do not have the right to decide our kids’ destiny. The time will come and they will be out of your nest, building their own. Do not strive for full control over your children. Let them make their own decisions. Trust their judgment. They naturally know better what is good for them. Intuitively their body tells them to eat slowly – it is good for digestion. Your daughter may have a different view on how she wants to look today and she’s putting on this pair of socks because of the color, let her do so even though it does not match the rest of her outfit. Being small and vulnerable she used to sleep and eat just at the time she needed it. How different would’ve been our life if all of us could’ve listened and heard our body’s language?

3) Everybody Needs a Place Where One Can Relax and Be Himself

If your child behaves differently or misbehaves, to be more exact, often when you are around and plays an obedient kid when you are not there – it is very normal. He reveals his true self in front of the person he loves and trusts the most. Analyze how you act in front of others in the office and at home with your spouse. You come home tired and let your irritation out – she or he will understand. Do you remember those moments? You need to express self-control to calm yourself down and not to put all your troubles on your spouse’s shoulders. Everybody needs a place where one can relax and be himself, even if at this very moment it is not the best version of you. Kids need to have atmosphere of freedom where their most cherished people will always understand.

Conclusion

The result of too much pressure in trying “to teach good habits” may be the lack of time and effort to cultivate a strong personality. If your child obeys you all the time she ends up living a life to please others and think that to be happy she needs to make others happy. You want a resolute child, one who knows what she wants from life, whose world is full of colors and deep emotions. Develop her sense of trust by allowing her to comfortably express herself within her family. Let her share her feelings with you, do not think they are not serious and childish – for this little soul it is ultimately important to find support and compassion in her parents.

Stay tuned…

Parenting

5 Parenting Tips That Will Secure Present and Future Happiness of Your Child

June 7, 2020 Olya Aman Leave a comment

Blessed is the home where each puts the other’s happiness first. – Anonymous

1) The Spiritual Bond Between the Baby and His Mother

The mother’s body is like a tranquil old-fashioned clock that soothingly counts out heartbeats. For nine months a baby lives in this dark peace. The mother should try her best to stay calm and avoid any distractions that may disturb her peace. The spiritual bond between the baby and his mother is so strong that it continues after the birth of the baby for 4 more years. This little body feels safe in his mother’s presence and scared of the world full of unfamiliar sounds when she is not around.

2) The Gentle and Deliberate Motion of a Child’s Life

The pace with which the clock ticks governs the gentle and deliberate motion of a child’s life. He eats slowly, tasting the food; takes time to dress and tie his shoes – don’t hasten this learning process. Life shouldn’t be about speed, unfortunately, we tend to exhibit little patience as we are always in a hurry. That causes stress. We need to slow down and at the very least let our kids live life the way their internal clock tells them to. The natural flow of life, unhurried and consistent should be respected.

3) Let Your Child Experience Life in Small but Meaningful Ways

Let him get cold so he knows why he needs to put on several layers of clothes, let him get hungry so he wants and asks for food. By chasing your child with a spoon in one hand and an extra pair of socks in another you won’t show him the reasons behind your actions. Let him understand things around him.

4) The Desire to Learn as It Is a Distinctive Feature of Human Beings

A child is naturally curious and it is important not to damage this desire to learn as it is a distinctive feature of human beings. When forced to learn something, children behave like adults. When you are told to submit a paper on a topic you are quite interested in under a threat of some kind, will you enjoy the process or will you experience stress and resentment? Children feel the same and by constantly forcing them by whip and candy, their curiosity may vanish. Then we witness a child with a learning disability. And the reason is simply a disturbance in the natural flow of things. They wonder “why” – encourage them to explore further under your supervision.

5) In a Child’s World, Everything Is Real

A friend can be a giant lion, which lets him ride on its back, or a small kitten, that he holds in his tiny hands and feeds with imaginary water. Their imaginations are vivid and realistic, senses are sharp, and beliefs shaped and shaken by parents. Be careful what you tell your children and what you want them to accept as truth. They feel any false note, but they trust you fully so they think “it is the way it should be since mom deceives me in this way, it is “OK” for me to do the same”. You tell your little girl that the sweet piece of cake you eat and that looks so inviting is a harsh remedy that the doctor prescribed, and it is not tasty at all, on the contrary – it is very sour and bitter. You try to protect your little princess from the allergic reaction she has on her lovely skin each time she eats too much sugary stuff, so you invent this “white lie”. Next time you playfully ask her to share a little piece of an apple that you’ve just given her, she tells you that it is not good for you and you may cough if you eat it. Oh! How skillfully they mirror everything we do, consciously and unconsciously.

Conclusion

What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family. – Mother Teresa

And when you make your love conditional by saying: “Eat this porridge. You’ll make mommy love you even more.” Or “Behave, little man, don’t upset your father, he doesn’t love the kids that act this way.” And unnoticeably that little heart is wounded with the realization that mommy will love him “only” and “if” he will be just like that boy who lives next door. The consequences of this conditional love are harsh. Someday your little darling won’t be so dependent on you and feeling the taste of freedom he will lose the connection with you, who loved “only” and “if” in search of real love, but not believing in its existence. And this lack of trust in the purity of compassion will follow him wherever he goes. Don’t make this happen. Don’t ruin the trust and loving power of the heart you were entrusted to bring into this world.

Stay tuned…

Parenting

10 Things Parents Need to Understand to Reveal Their Child’s Unique Personality

June 1, 2020 Olya Aman Leave a comment

Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do… but how much love we put in that action. – Mother Teresa

1) Family Is a Spiritual Experience for Parents and Kids

Success is determined by understanding each other’s roles and trust between the two. Father is wisdom in the face of difficulty. Mother is compassion and love. The combination will form the child’s personality and develop her character.

2) Help to Reveal the Unique Personality

A child is born with her personality written in her life-book. Our goal as parents is to help to open this book and teach our child to read it. We should not in any way try to change its contents. The main secret of this book is that we cannot read it right away. We also need to learn how to do it by gently helping our kids through this process. We see just blank pages at the beginning and only later start noticing some signs and strive to learn this language and understand it fully. We carry unlimited power in our hands and used unwisely it can ruin this book by rewriting it. This happens if you are lazy about learning: “Why learn a new language when I can just write what I think is right? Isn’t that much easier?”

3) Our Kids Do Not Belong to Us

When born, they already have everything of their own. You can trace the strong spirit early on as well as discover gentle softness right away. By trying to be a writer, not a reader, you may ruin the exquisiteness of this book. Eventually, you will lose interest in reading it. Instead, we just need to guide our kids gently on their way by sincerely being willing to know them and admitting the existence of their perfect nature.

4) Acceptance and Respect Are the Fulcrums

Take your child’s hand and start this thought-provoking journey without trying to force or judge. Do not compare – but respect. Harmony in a child’s inner place (the place where she keeps her most sacred soul belongings) is vital. This precious personality that grows in love comes to understand the internal peace within herself. The child in this atmosphere will obtain a firm belief in her importance and will be ready to defend her personality in any circumstances (playground, school, work) not being afraid of ridicule.

5) When the Time Comes, a Child Reveals Her Dreams to an Adult

In most cases this all-knowing, wise individual bitten by the world wants “to protect” the little girl and put her back on the ground first before the cruel world does that less gently: “Wait, my friend, reality will show its sharp teeth to you. You better think about how to finish school and find a good-paying job.”

What are we without dreams? Mere automatons. Dreams make us move, create masterpieces, and make new scientific discoveries that save millions of lives. Dream driven actions make a king from a peasant, and a king without dreams becomes a vagabond. By supporting our kids when they strive for happiness and greatness, we make them believe in the imaginary reality and help them to make it real.

6) Pay Attention to Character Development

Often we do not pay as much attention to our children’s character as we do to teaching them to hold a spoon and eat, to brush their teeth and make their bed by themselves (to free more time for ourselves). Patience is the highest rung on the “child-care ladder”. With this capacity in our hands, we can help our kids to attain up their “dream realized life”.

7) Do Not Force Your Little One to Imitate Anyone

Do not compare him to other children. In striving to imitate, the child becomes like a crow in an old parable. He vainly tries master flying in the skies in an attempt to become a sparrow. As he strives, the little crow forgets how to walk on his own.

8) His Power to Be Himself Should Be Respected

Look at the child in his first year of life. This is his fairy tale, where there is no need to pretend that you like something when you don’t. He is the king of this land, comfortable in the presence of loving, devoted parents and fierce if he doesn’t like someone, even if this someone is the monarch of the neighboring state. This king is brave in everything he does, not afraid of doing something wrong.

His power to be himself should be respected because it brings him peace. Parents as his chaperones on his way through his kingdom should show support and unconditional love: “We love you as you are. You will never make us love you less.” In this land they have discussions and arguments, they have different opinions, listen to each other with respect, learning from their differing points of view, and solving problems together.

9) Answer With Patience and Honesty

When your child asks “what” you should answer with patience and honesty, explaining the “why”. Wise parents know that the explanation should not be misleading as it is hard to correct this mistake and keep the same level of trust afterward.

We should remember to not pressure our kids by instilling in them the behavior that we think is appropriate. The primary emphasis is on playing and making it joyful. Even such a thing as brushing teeth can be fun. And if the question “why should I do it?” is asked, patience and creativity help to make the answer reasonable in a childish way but with a truly grown-up meaning.

10) Your Child Is Entrusted to You

Do not consider your child a source of pleasure for yourself: giving love when you feel like it, and if your mood is blue – considering the child as a mere hindrance on the way to a quiet sleep on the couch.