Regret made me goofy. Sorrow gave me an enigmatic flavor. – Olya Aman
My boss fell in love with me and laid me off
I was out of humor and out of heart. It has been almost two years now, but my grief grew fast and furious with every succeeding year. My best friend, the one I was secretly in love with, died from heart failure. Miraculously, we were at the stop sign when it happened, the horn of a car announced the death. His innocent and pathetic face was radiant with new happiness. I couldn’t help wondering how he could be so glad to leave me alone. Sitting on a front passenger seat, I unconsciously called to mind a portrait I saw in a gallery some years ago. The painter neglected the background, reserving all the magic of his brush for the quiet, happy face of a man. My friend at that moment looked just like him, as if he had caught the golden glory of heaven on his countenance.
He felt discomfort in his chest for a few weeks before the terrible culmination on that day. I mentioned to him several times that he needed to see a doctor. I blamed myself for lack of persistence. And the regret I felt had a sensation of almost maternal protection. Its watchful eye never left my side. It didn’t let my mind wander elsewhere. Some days I could feel the throbbing of his heart as if he was pressed in an affectionate embrace close to my chest. Those days were worse than others.
I would do impossibilities to bring him back. I owed my happiness to him. It felt like an explosion now when he was gone. And I could not pick up the fragments with all the care of an antiquary I applied. I became stifle. My mind and soul were on fire, and that blaze seemed to gleam from hell. There was no space left for new emotions.
That dark, evening power that dominated in my life had some magnetic energy that attracted empathetic people. There are some ways of looking at you that seem to penetrate your soul. I looked at people and made them feel as though they had nothing on. That irritated a lot and captivated many. A coworker once told me I looked like someone who belonged in an old painting. And my gloomy voice could talk the language of enigmatic gallantry of that time.
I often was behind handed with my work, but my senior manager closed his eyes on every mismatch in my schedule. The tension was growing. I could not see the outpouring lava of affection that I excited. My handsome boss was on fire, like a human volcano he loved me with the fierce of unchained nature.
But I was a different person after 2 years of mourning. I gazed about me with a saddened eye, paying attention to the dim side of life. That desire to expand every misfortune in daily life and minimize the impact of many little jolly things was roasting me alive. I needed thunder and lightning to wake me up and transform that death-like, sepulchral look into my regular prior-to-the-fatal-day features.
My heart finally spoke to me, and I happened to take to it. The blow of losing a job served as a curing disaster that shook my essence. When enough time was given to self-wandering, I realized that there were still pages in my life book that I had not read.
Olya Aman 
I don’t think you can avoid being upset over something as long as you still feel its negative impact even after time had passed. However, how you react to it and control it is matter of choice. I guess I’m that cold.
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I agree using your regrets as building stones to create a future where regret does not exist. Live on purpose. Great way to explain regret as a learning experience vs a negative life journey.
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These are great tips for not using depression or regret when it sneaks in.
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We all have a past, some more painful but we learn and grow and it just becomes a part of our story but doesn’t have to define us
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Couldn’t agree more with the points that you have mentioned! We can’t change the things we did in our past. The only thing we can do is learning from our mistakes and moving forward!
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This is a great post that so many can use as it is so easy to get wrapped up in the past. We cannot change to past so we just need to live for today and the future and learning from any mistakes made in the past is the best way to learn as long as we make sure not to repeat them.
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Great article to read, and some really great tips here for not allowing depression to take over. I really love the way you write.
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This is something that so many people struggle with, myself included. It’s something you have to work at.
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Such a great post! I am going to share this article with my sister who is still upset about her past 😔😟 The past few years were quite difficult for her and that’s why maybe she still can’t get out of it!
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This is such a great post. It’s very important to let go of the past and to start over however it’s very important to also remember that because of your past you are who you are.
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I spent a lot of time looking at the past, mulling over it … but now I’ve learned to live the present always projected into the future.
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Very good write up and I totally agree with the points above. The most important is to let go and move on.
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yep!!! I 100% agree with you, there is no use or logic to dwell on the past when you have the future ahead of you.
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Regretting is destructive but not always it can be easily controlled. Your post bring along a very valuable advice and approach
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Its so easy to get caught up in regretting past events. I think we do it without even thinking about it. It can be very destructive also so it is very important that we avoid doing it. These are some really helpful tips.
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I love posts like this. We neglect our mental health too often and fixating on the past is a way that we get caught up in negative health.
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I have a tough time with the past, and I basically just try not to think about it at all, which seems to work pretty well. Sometimes I get a harsh reminder of the past, and then I seem to dwell on it, but I am able to get over it for the most part.
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These are some great ideas! Definitely hard to deal with some of the things from our past.
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Perspective is so important when you are dealing with invasive thoughts like regret. You do have to be able to change the way you are looking at things in order to see things in a new and better light.
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Learning from our mistakes is a part of growth. We must embrace our mistakes, our flaws and regrets to become better people. Great post.
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Let your past be your capital is wonderful! I think most of us have regrets, but the true power is letting go and letting the healing begin.
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this is a great post. many peple struggle with this, including me
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I truly appreciate this post as holding onto the past is a devastating thing for sure and I know someone that can use this post. Sharing for sure 🙂
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Honestly, I needed to read an article like this. Of late, my anxiety from the past is creeping up on me and it’s starting to take a toll on me. Great reminder to turn things around.
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I really struggle with this sometimes as I feel I’ve made so many mistakes. Thanks so much for sharing this with all of us!
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It is what happens in the past that forms our character and makes us stronger sometimes 😉
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This is a great post. You control how you regret to things and it’s important to build on the past.
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Well yes I need to admit even when sometimes I am alone I tend to dwell on the past and sometimes feel like crying aloud. Your article is an inspiration to move on and yes its true we should. Life has many things good in store for us and we must not avoid it.
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I can completely agree with this. I relate in the past to being upset about my past. Today I am a different person. Live a life of no regrets.
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You are right, wrestling with the past is exhausting. It will never change, but we can.
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It’s very hard to let go of the past. It doesn’t matter if it s a sad picture or a happy one. I still feel a myriad of emotions from various experiences I’ve had in the past. But eventually you get to process the kind of emotions that you allow, based on the level of acceptance, forgiveness, and optimism you’ve allowed yourself to develop.
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Just as others say with regards on not dwelling.. move on, dont stay on that state too much as it will not help.
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Don’t let the past ruin what you have going for you now.
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I’ve been happier and been able to be more present in the moment since I changed the way I thought about the past.
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This is such a great post. I am trying to forget the past and to start over. But I guess the past represents who you are.
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These are golden nuggets of wisdom. It’s natural to keep on holding to the past, because our past made us in the present.
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Oftentimes, simply reminding yourself to move forward can be helpful. I know I struggled with this for a while.
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Being upset is not a great feeling. I guess I just need to remember that 10% of our life is what happens to us and 90% of it is how we react to them. Whenever I feel upset, I’ll just try my best to think the positive of the situation.
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This article is so great. And very informative about everything. You have a good tips. And Always keep Positive vibes in life. Thanks for sharing.
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Interesting article. The past lives only in our memories. Real-life exists here and now.
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Such a beautiful post! These are such great tips. Allowing ourselves time to grieve is important – there can be a lot of guilt in feeling sad especially if you feel like you should be “getting over it by now”. We all process things at different paces and in different ways. When I had my miscarriage I remember feeling like I wasn’t grieving in the way that everyone thought I should be, but I went through it in the way that made the most sense to me.
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We always have regrets in life. But of-course we have a different way to deal with it. And this article really point how to deal it in simple and most efficient way. Thanks for this.
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Thanks for reminding me to always move forward. Every life has a trial. And it will always pass by. Always remember. Past is past. And there’s no need for coming back to it.
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I feel like a lot of people I know end up being stuck on the past and sometimes it hinders them from moving forward into the future. These tips are great for focusing on the future and moving forward.
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I like the concept of let your past be your capital. Turn your pain into profit!
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This was a great post. I needed this. Things have not been going so well for me but a positive outlook has made things better.
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