I’m White, He’s Black – We Are on the Right Track

The rich human diversity is wedged in my family

When you create a family — you become one organism, breathing through one source, looking and moving in one direction. – Olya Aman

I formed the habit of sticking my attention into the venerable instrument of our diverse family. I feel the impulse to pull out our story of my head and heart because I know you can make better use of it.

My Afro-Asian husband

Everything about my husband is a bit stupefying. He has a large, square face, with a massive projecting nose and narrow greenish Asian cut eyes. Black hair brushed back from a broad but low forehead open two distinct parallel straight lines, that meet only at infinity. Grave and weighty in his manner and body, he does everything slowly and massively. Like a locomotive, he melancholy moves through life. Within his setting, I feel indolent and silenced.

Zac’s family, that is his name, is a unique example of the ‘cafeteria culture’. And the only idea of it is beautiful. His father was born and raised in Mexico in a Muslim family. While his mother is a daughter of a Methodist minister. They adopted Zac when he was 4 years old. He identifies himself closely with both cultures and religious beliefs, never feeling pressure coming from either side. The inner climate of their family is always mild and comfortable. They love each other and accentuate their family values on common grounds, minimizing the importance of the differences.

Our union

When Zac was 20, I got pregnant with our first child. We got married for love and forever, family values prevailing in Zac’s perception of the world. I am a woman of a European origin with deep cultural ties and beliefs. My cultural and religious sentiments are softly echoed by his acceptance and loving understanding.

Zac’s interracial, interreligious family experience made him flexible and adaptable to the changing world around. My family got to love this young-looking man with old wisdom lurking in his Asian eyes. Zac’s family accepted his choice with loving humor and serious understanding. The colors of our faces are diverse, the shades of our philosophies are controversial in many aspects — but we have a common universal understanding of the family values.

We have a family brunch once a month, to which all relatives bring their specialties. We celebrate our diversity and remain faithful to our histories.

What I’ve learned from my multicultural ongoing experience

Form a brilliant scheme to focus on shared pricks.

We are all enveloped in and on and under our histories. To make life easy, we slide gently through every circumstance, stressing our common patterns, and minimizing the importance of our differences. Close personal ties with each other are the sweets of life for all of us.

The focus on critical dissimilarities gives the bitter taste that disagrees with any family union. That is why we never cross the line and always stay in a circle of peaceful, polite conversation.

Rejoice at the contrasting blessings of your personalities.

Together we monopolize our differences and celebrate them with respect in our minds and love in our hearts. Because the family union is like a union between two countries — with unique histories and traditions, views and life principles. To maintain peace may be a laborious process, but it for sure is rewarding.

Respect has a lot of hand in building our family union. We learn to accept the cultural identity of each other and have judgment enough to distinguish between historical and religious differences that are important and those which are not. Any dissimilarities are not the instruments of destruction, but the triggers that move our curiosity forward.

Artlessly admit extended family connections.

We united the best blessings of existence when we decided to raise a child. We care a great deal for each other, that is why we are open to connect with members of our extended families and are eager to introduce our offspring to the variety of family relationships.

The chances are that the child will be a gainer if loved by many relatives and experienced in various cultural situations. Life with little and sometimes bigger difficulties and privations is not damaging but strengthening if you can look at your family and see the rock that will always hold you firmly on the ground.

To pursue a happy family union, everyone in it should help each other out of the deepest gulfs of human miseries. In the sequel of life, the family union is the only harbor that can give us the taste of happiness and peaceful harmony. – Olya Aman

Stay tuned…

73 thoughts on “I’m White, He’s Black – We Are on the Right Track”

  1. Aww this is a great post! I love all of the advice you have given. A very inspiring and uplifting read.

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  2. Love how you seamlessly blended Z’s story with lessons learned! A good relationship will always lift you up.

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  3. such a great idea ! i am not a fan of any negative vibes and in our home thre is no place for these
    Kind regards Pati Robins @stylesqueeze blog

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  4. Great positive advice. I know some of these seems like common sense but we all need these reminds to break out of a negativity cyce.

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  5. This is such a great post! There is always a learning curve when you get married, no matter how well you know each other. You have to learn to adapt and accept your differences, while enjoying you commonalities. I’m sure your advice in this post will be of great help to a lot of people!

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  6. You do have to see the beauty in the other persons personality if you are going to make things work. You can’t focus on the differences but instead on those things which are different but bring good things to a relationship.

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  7. It is important for families to be understanding and embrace change, even when that means that a member brings a “stranger” into the small group. Strong families unite and give birth to large unions and communions, where diversity thrives.

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  8. Beautiful article and I really enjoy reading this. I love everything you’ve mentioned here wherein you focus on a good relationship, unity, respect and most especially love. I agree, that if a family built a good foundations of love, unity and respect and understanding it will definitely lead you into happiness.

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  9. The more you take the time to remove negativity and to maintain positive relationships with your family with acceptance of each others’ personalities, you’ll be able to have successful relationships as well as a successful union for sure.

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  10. My parents always said, “When you marry, you not only marry your sweetheart, you also marry his family.” Very true for Asian families! Where aunts and uncles are abundant and cousins are infinite. I guess in a way it is always good to have a large support group. If you marry a non-Asian, this may pose a problem, but respecting each others’ differences can definitely make a relationship work.

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  11. fun read!
    Any relationship with multi culture can work if both parties are open to learn. And yes! when you marry your spouse you are also marrying their family… It makes life so much easier if everyone gets along and accepts each other for who they are.
    Great story!

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  12. “A family gives us a sense of power and beauty. It makes darkness light before us, and make crooked ways straight.”

    This is very relevant to me, because in my darkest, I have relied on family in order to survive. I know I wouldn’t have survived without their love and support.

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  13. Negativity and misunderstanding can kill our relationship it’s so important to have strong bonding and communication for a Happy Family.

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  14. I loved when you said relationships need respect. So many couples miss that and the relationship fails because of it. Thank you for thi encouragement.

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