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Personal Growth

10 Things That Can Ruin Your Social Media Presence

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If you are exposed to attention of millions – they are exposed to your influence. – Olya Aman

Introduction

His ability to write and voice what he thought was as well-kept as his perfect mustache. He was a true modern incarnation of my beloved Poirot and had the same initials. By the butterfly’s wing of his white necktie, P. could charm any woman and make every man jealous of his looks and manner.

I stopped talking and, putting on an observant air, pricked my ears in evident delight. The lecture began with an opening statement on our honored guest’s background: a short summary of his accomplishments and a brief enumeration of his published works.

P. lived for years in depressive intoxication: he was dismissed from work, lost his house, his wife left him, and he ended up living in the streets for three consecutive years after that. With superhuman effort he evoked himself from this slumber: found a job, a room to live, a phone to call old friends and family. P. carried the burden of his misery and cruel memories wisely. He portrayed his journey of recovery in his social media accounts and speeches that he gave throughout the country.

The support P. received gave him courage enough to write his first book: “FROM A BEGGAR TO AN INFLUENCER.” He skillfully depicted the sincerity of his renewed self-belief, -worth, and -respect.

P. pronounced the word of truth, the word of gratification and excuse in his most honored books. He had sadness and shadow in his life and managed to transform it into joy and light and, which is fascinating, to inspire others to do the same.

I turned on the recording function on my phone, entrusting to it to capture not only meaning but also the vibration of P.’s charismatic baritone and the elevating vibe of his emotions.

1) An Invocation to the Sacred Collective Intelligence

“A few years ago, I was a little worse than nobody and only the wealth of feeling and imagination kept me going. I did my best to put as many external-change-miles between myself and that past self that resembled a lizard person: fat, distressed, and overall unhappy street beggar.”

“When the visible transformation that I depicted in my social media accounts afforded a strong confirmatory evidence of my will power I noticed a considerable follower increase that continued to be so till the dark day in July of 2017.”

Social media is like an invocation to the sacred collective intelligence of the audience. The effort you are making to draw attention, to Go Viral, Create Memes (a discovery that is shared so widely that it becomes a part of internet culture) becomes a luminous point in the coming days of your life.

The magic in social media comes with excited, placid, deep, and limpid emotions shared, spread across social media realms. It is a superhuman vision that media evokes. It is heightened by valued people, trendsetters and their ability to network. They spread messages and those are never in repose after that but forever in flight and their course is insatiable.

The success in this internet universe is determined by the ability to penetrate the silence of the eyes, the voices in the heads, and the vibrations in the hearts of humanity in your niche. If you are able to see into the inside of your people: the misery they suffer, the happiness they crave, the thoughts that grow out of their experiences, the infinite emotions that lay hidden in their hearts – then the glory of having created the solution, redeeming the suffering, showing the new world of ideas and distractions will put you in a sort of ecstasy.

The feeling of affectionate attention that social media can give is the opium of modern world that can either stop the tempest of doubt and dread, of jealousy and rage that people feel or increase the intensity of those harmful feelings to the unbearable degree.

2) An Electric Current that Goes Through the Hearts and Minds of People

“The flow of traffic accompanied by the feeling of power and monetary satisfaction was an engine that propelled my activity and at the same time throttled my ability to reflect and empathize. People started to ask my expert opinion and I was delighted at the opportunity to dominate, preach and teach.”

“Those in distress found it motivating and uplifting to follow my story. I managed to create a balance and unity of thoughts and feelings through my speeches on the stage and in my videos. I painstakingly pieced my life in a few hours and elated people by my example.”

“A few followers sent me pleading for help letters. They needed more attention and encouragement. I became too arrogantly busy to spend enough time to do so. By a remarkable coincidence, those few incidents of my negligence skipped calling publicity (no one complained). So, the ruin of my social media career was not due to my silence but on the contrary – thanks to the too-loud-opinions that I’d expressed.”

Social media is an electric current that goes through the hearts and minds of people. The perfect sculpture of this system of sharing contains words, ideas, pictures, videos, and audios.

Face to face, emotion to emotion, wound to wound – this world has a childish soul and a limited mind behind the vastness of information. Without wise guidance life within it is saddened and future is black. Making first steps in social media world, make sure you have a mentor to help you navigate your way. It will save you a lot of time and energy.

Sheltered from harmful influence, protected for a time against the fearful spells of over dense information one can mature and add great knowledge and exclusiveness to his life with the help of social media. Now you can find what you need in seconds without spending hours in the library turning pages after pages. The resources available are numerous and categorized for you by reviews of many people.

It is a fine modern privilege to be able to skillfully direct the route in social media realms. And without knowing how to do it any life in there is short-lived and weak.

3) A Fearful Spell of Judgments

“The social air grew colder as my vanity expressed itself louder. And when the mist of my unfavorable twitts rolled along the world like a dense cloud of smoke, the decline of my reputation was not possible to stop.”

“I was busily engaged in judging and criticizing the ways of life that considerably differed from the one I was living at the moment. I forgot that only a few years prior I was a complete contradictory person to what I represented at the time. With much ceremony and stateliness, I voiced verdicts like: ‘I do not understand how one can live like that’, ‘I cannot respect a person acting in this way’, ‘how one can live in such a body’… and many more of a similar kind.”

“Finally, the tragedy was entered into my life with the full force and distractive power. The strength of public protest crashed the respect that I earned in the eyes of the outer world and my own self-worth suffered immensely. For the second time in my life, I was ruined mentally, morally, and physically. And if the first time circumstances and out-of-my-control factors were to blame, this time I was the only one responsible.”

Successful people, influencers, use admirable art of words and gestures, contagious images and piquant, unique ideas, ingenious salutations – and all of it to invest in their future. The more engaging content they put out to the world of social media the more they get back in terms of attention and affiliate advertising opportunities.

4) A Positive Distraction or a Depressing Factor

“I seated myself opposite the people I was trying to help. My first intention was forgotten in the confusion of attention and praise that I was luxuriously thrusting myself into. Anger and annoyance at what I expressed publicly was a just confirmation of my moral decline.”

“I used to be close to these people when I was one of them: working hard, feeling tired and depressed sometimes but with an effort lifting my head and doing what was right. I was able to break the chain of negative behavior, emotions, and feelings. I prided myself with this accomplishment. People were empowered by my example and generosity of my statements.”

At the same time, there are a lot of damaging oddities that may attract the audience and create a collective desire for negative behavior. That mostly touches kids and teenagers, but some insecure grown-up people are a target as well. To prevent it, parents need to create their own system of censorship. Guidance when making the first steps in learning how to use the world of information is required in school with books and in life with internet.

A life we live every day is diverse and enveloped in good and bad, jolly and sad, interesting and boring. Often the latter prevails, but what we see online is not the reality we usually live offline. The idealized picture may serve as a distraction that betters our life or as a depressing factor. And the feedback our emotions receive depends on the self-esteem we feel. Fear and lack of self-worth create pessimistic interaction between our life and the lives that other people expose to our attention online.

5) Unlimited and Unrestrained Debates

“When I forgot my past self, I took the transformation that I’d managed to make as purely my own doing. I easily threw away the encouragement that I’d received on the way to my new body and mind, forgetting the impact my followers made. They rightly broke off the ties and left not only reproachful comments but, what is more painful, a memory of love turned into hate, respect transformed into contempt, and admiration altered by disgust.”

Debates online are fueled by unlimited attention and participation. People engage in discussions and say a lot to the purpose and absolutely out of it, which makes it unrestrained. Some people act under a firm conviction that their opinion is always right. Criticism is uncontrolled and any tenderness to the feelings is often nonexistent. If you decide to share part of your life online, consider that and be warned and armed to address it in the right way.

6) A Way to Maintain a Stronger Connection

“To build connection is a tenacious and time-consuming work. To maintain it is just as hard. But to ruin everything you do not need to make any effort at all. One publicly shared unfavorable statement of yours can crash years of tough movement to the desired.”

“I felt support and love gushing from the hearts of people that liked what I was doing. I felt the lack of it the more painful for it. Who has lived in the light of attention cannot feel contented in the uncrowded space of lonely life without it.”

“I hastened to repair my life by self-reflecting and writing all my feelings and thoughts down. When I published my second book “BUILD CONNECTION WITH RESPECT IN SOCIAL MEDIA WORLD” I didn’t anticipate the impact that this work would do.”

“One of the main things that defer humankind from any other creature on this Earth is the ability to forgive. My book helped me to be forgiven because I was sincerely sorry for what I’ve said and the way I acted.”

With social media it is easier to be loved and courted by distant relations. But if you say and show too much, you may appear somewhat self-opinionated – people do not like it. If one touches upon the lives of others over any limit, it shows that he or she is a narrow-minded, tattling old gossip – people hate it.

The greatest installment to the debt of sincere affection is truth and genuineness. When you share your happiness, you connect with other people on a level of positive vibes, and by doing this, you multiply the bliss in your life.

The impact you have on your social network should serve to solace spirits and soothe tempers. If your company is pleasing and online conversation is genuine people come back to your platform and bring friends along.

Becoming a soul of authentic order online is very important for keeping a true and strong connection with people. Fresh news or old scandal, trivial questions or oft-repeated observations – when online it is spread across the minds with the speed that beats the light one. Be careful of what you share and remember that when you are radiant with dignity and depth of soul your charm is keenly spiritual and has an ineffable power to attract and subjugate the hearts.

7) An Advertising Dreamland

“Covering my face with my hands I sank into a new life of renewed self-awareness. I was suffused with a crimson flush. It was not from the shame but from the pleasant feeling of regained self-esteem. This mistake taught me my duty and served as an advertisement for my work. The sad remembrance of my failure helped me to be more sincere and open to the people who addressed me online and off-line.”

“This experience of sinking lower and lower cast over my writing those brilliant hints and expressions that touched the hearts of people. MY heart was set on a right track to impress and uplift, to inspire and motivate.”

Slowly, using content marketing or more quickly through influencer marketing one can achieve results with persistent and constant effort. To set up an advertising campaign nowadays you do not need to hire a whole bunch of experts. One smart person can be enough, or you can do it even by yourself.

When people grow fond of your content, you realize with some unaccountable satisfaction that they will buy what you have to offer. It does not free you of responsibility to maintain your reputation valued by always offering quality products. If your blog is loved, make your book shine with more excessive excellence of information. If you look so lovely that people cannot help admiring your charming outfits, make sure the clothing and accessories you recommend worth the price people are ready to pay for them.

8) A Limited Personality Perception

“The third book I published “THINGS YOU DO NOT KNOW” was about friends and kindred, close and distant connections, valuable and reserved network, people of the world and out of it – and how to use the things you do not know to build relationships.”

“The ‘secret’ I shared was a universal axiom, known to everybody and neglected by many – to live by ‘not-judging’ because of ‘not-knowing’. It became a sensation overnight. The quotes from it were flying through the media with the speed of light: “If you do not understand that I am a man like every other man, you take me for what you are afraid in yourself… You do not need to know me if you are not going to judge me… If you intend to rank me in your system of values, take pains to perceive me thoroughly…”

“And let me tell you that to get to ‘perceive thoroughly’ anybody is a rare skill not everybody has. We seldom know ‘good enough’ ourselves to claim to be experts in forming opinions about other people.”

In the internet society we often miss the expression of the face and the attitude of the body – an essential part of the information needed for making a clear picture of any person. Our perception is a tenuous membrane that is too rudely buffeted by the stressors from outside and emotions from inside. Everything happens too quickly, and we learn to run with time and information. Often, we mechanically put labels on things around us: ‘useful’ and ‘unimportant’, ‘true’ and ‘false’, ‘positive’ and ‘negative’. This mode of action helps us to keep our minds sane in the whirling world we live in. But no one can be justly proud of using the same method with people.

Personality is not an easy book to read overnight and write a short review in two hours in the morrow. Every person is a universe in itself, complicated, with undiscovered phenomena on every corner. Family, close relations, distant connections, society, things around, climate outside, and numerous other factors play their role in personality formation. Without a thorough knowledge of all these criteria how one can justly say ‘I know you’ or ‘if I were you I would do this or that’?

How can you solve a mathematical problem with limited information given? The answer won’t be right. And to my mind, it is better to restrain from being in the obvious wrong by judging too rashly. When it comes to people and relationships one needs to pause and contemplate before acting in any way.

When it comes to social media behavior I would say: express yourself as freely as you feel comfortable doing and detain your conclusions about other people as long as you can. The world is small when it comes to emotions. To cause pain is as easy these days as to type one or two sentences in your ‘compose new Tweet’ box.

9) A Dangerous Ground for Conflict

“In my fourth book “WHEN MY GRANDIOUR SLIPPED AWAY” I was eager and ashamed to tell the story of my failure in light of my obtained vastness of understanding myself. I slightly kicked upon the prostrated form of my past-self with responsibility in my mind and empathy in my heart.”

“People trusted me, asked questions and conferred their fears and mistakes on me. And due to my arrogance, I failed to respect their confessions. I was down on my luck, but I continued at all costs to regain respect I lost by taking responsibility for the words and behavior I expressed when self-esteem deserted me.”

If at some point any influencer adopts a manner to look down on other people, they will despise this person in return. Social media has a smell of the sensational air and it may knock some people down by way of spreading negativity. We wish it to be territorial and stay where it was born, but the reality proves it to be much speedier than any positive, harmless piece of news.

A certain instinct, not a virtuous one, makes people talk about bad things times more than about good ones. But no one stops you to have a system and an orbit of your own thinking and acting. Spreading positive, non-judgmental content is a noble life-improving mission. And I wish we had as many people following this creed as possible.

10) A Positive Channel of Valuable Information

“The direction of positive influence was swiftly borne through the damp and gloomy atmosphere of failure. We are composed of little foibles and weaknesses of our kind. And to take control over them is our obligation.”

“My experiences strengthened my ability to reflect. Now there are no troubles that can efface love and respect that I feel, vigor and positivity that I share.”

Make an effort to follow the motto of spreading love in a way that the knees of people who receive it knock in delight. Let your life take a flight and prove to the world that the indestructible leading mind can enjoy the pleasure of creating peace and abundance of beauty.

Try to be incapable of stupidity and hurtful blunders. Self-express in the most comfortable, profitable, and amenable way. The infinite good nature lives in everyone and is always of to-day.

Conclusion

To never loose actuality online is to listen to the feedback of your followers. Negative feedback requires a good deal of wisdom and patience to be responded in the right way. Do not be too involved when addressing it. When you look at the things in a detached way you see the picture more clearly and form an understanding in a much better way.

People who can fail and redeem themselves in the eyes of others, who accused them – these people have a note of rarity. Well-intentionally disguising offense means to be able to wait wisely and act rightly. Steadiness is needed to keep the temper in peace when people refuse to accept your train of thoughts. Sometimes the best way out of it is to offer some budgets of fresh news to divert the attention. Let the things cool down and then ask forgiveness if you happen to offend someone.

Remember – a spirit of candor and frankness never fails. Peoples’ hearts are sensitive plants, they open for a moment to sincere attention but curl up and shrink into themselves at the slightest touch of false feeling or rude injurious intention.

Stay tuned…

Personal Growth

3 Reasons to Compete Against Yourself

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Self-Competition Is a Gambit in a Self-Development Game

Introduction

Rustling, quickly-moving, clear-voiced, V. was extravagant and a little disquieting. Large, square face and little grayish eyes – there was nothing soft or gracious about her. Up to everything and down on herself, V. was a splendid actress but didn’t quite believe in it herself. She formed the habit of sticking pins into her dignity and this venerable instrument of her nature was suffering immensely. I always felt an impulse to pull out the pins, they did inflict so much damage on V’s vulnerable personality, and I believed she could make a better use of her sharpness.

Her conversation was of a sort that gave a large license to originality and wittiness. But she accused herself of not being like some other beautiful and successful actress (who AGAIN got a part in a movie she was auditioned for) – and that competition she was constantly in with others heated me so that it almost scorched.

Some Interior (self) and Exterior (with others) Competition is like a bad and a good joke – one is amusing to everybody you care about and whose opinion matters to you, and the other is funny only to outsiders, people of the world in which you have no place of your own. An infinity of malicious amusement lurks in those who compare themselves to others instead of finding enough will to meet the metrics and values that suit them. Because to win in Exterior Competition is possible but the reward, whatever it is, won’t do one any good.

Imagine fighting in a war for a foreign government – you end up on a winning side, the country is rejoicing, dividing treasures, lands, and you … you go home with empty hands in ill-fitted uniform and no one cares about your heroic deeds in your homeland. And why would they? You didn’t fight for theirs (you got it – YOURS) freedom.

The noble war against your rivals (negative behavior, harmful habits, pessimistic thinking, procrastination, etc.) is never ending and always self-satisfactory. You win one battle and right away plan another strategic military attack on your own chosen enemies, transforming them into your comrades on a way to a better-future-you. Every victory is adding more confidence and vitality, indolent grace and ease, charm and charisma, and with every year you look far more experienced and at the same time far more youthfully alive.

Turn on the Niagara of the Infinite Change. Determine ‘What’ to Confront.

Goodness only knew how far from the truth V.’s self-understanding was. She looked down at the world through sharply evaluating everything eyes. She was somehow always out of spirits and her life was punctuated by little and big disappointments. She lived in a constant state of competition-stupidity with others and the only salvation I could see was to recharge her self-esteem, and to redirect her competitive spirit on herself.

We live and learn, experience pain and pleasure, establish relationships and break up bridges – we change. Having made this pronouncement I want to emphasize that the modification ‘to the better’ or ‘to the worse’ lies entirely with us. Like a ship you can choose to move along a sleek and oily swell that leads nowhere or a bumpy troubled sea that will get you to a wonderful shore with a marvelous view.

The process is most likely arduous and exhilarating but the result is always pyrotechnical – and when one colorful transformation takes place you cannot help waiting, open-eyed and alert, for the next one. Change to the better-future-you is fascinating, and it demands to be continued once started.

1) Procrastination

The winter of 2017 was the toughest in V.’s life. She lost her father (her mom died two years prior) and being the only child, she was now left alone. My voice was hoarse and weary with preaching the weekend I spent with her. I came to console and pull her out of that misery she thrashed herself into, willingly and almost gladly, taking that as an excuse to her apathy and lack of desire to fight her way in life.

The battle with procrastination is simply a development of magic. You stop the baa-baa business of excuses and make an action. Deeds not words are the man’s first and most grandiose invention. With directed activity, you can create a whole new universe of your own. Charge yourself with envy to a Tomorrow-You, endow yourself with passions and faculties of your inner stronger personality that was waiting for the privilege to come up front and pronounce the sentence of power and will. A lizard person should rapidly shoot up into a lion person – that power resides in every one of us.

2) Negligence

I kicked all the clothes off the bed and chairs, made V. get up and look in the mirror. Her ears didn’t play her false – I was not very picky with words when like a policeman arresting the flow of traffic I held my hand to keep her silent and listen to the voice of reason. She popped back in self-care immeasurably during the weeks spent in her deserted family dwelling. And she had clapped the door shut behind self-love and respect long before that happened. Being almost oracular in painting symbolical pictures of TRUE success through TRUE completion I made the atmosphere palpitate, and at the end of my tirade her smile was irradiation and the best reward I could ever ask for.

3) Negative Behavior

V. had a habit of talking to herself in a mocking and resentful key. And I made a goal to change it during the week we spent together in a Turkish all-inclusive hotel by the sea. This trip, that I almost forced her to agree to accompany me to, was a transformation therapy that I prescribed to my friend. My voice sounded and sounded in her ears with the insistence of mechanical noise when I went on and on in continuous expressions of love and beauty, serenity and benevolence, exquisiteness and originality of her personality.

‘How’ to Be Busily Engaged in Self-Competition and Enjoy It

I made my best to instill in V. envy to her better-future-self, substituting the raving and displeasing desire to be somebody else. Only when she took herself and the choices she made in an axiomatic loving and respecting manner was she able to call her life her own. And starting from this turning point any defects, that she had in her own eyes, became goals – a way to flawless crystal image of her future self.

1) Be Guided by Self-Love

It was worth the trouble of looking at and admiring my renewed friend. When V. stopped her bleating, bellowing, and neighing her features started to express intense intelligence which brought her self-respect back to her eyes and self-love back to her heart. Now the atmosphere about her sent a cheerful warmth and a suggestion of comfort and ease. Her loving heart spoke to her and to others. Every intercourse was amiable because positive expectation was in the air.

2) Be Led by a True Idol

V. was wrongly choosing idols from a famous Hollywood crowd, and that was a definite failure and a pointless race that painfully oppressed her heart. This false competition like an ill-made overcoat made her look ill-fitted to life. People liked her description by others better than they liked her because no one could hear her own conversation, those were only words expected, gestures already made by someone else, and expressions approved by the mirror.

When the wind of self-respect and self-love started to blow in her sails V. became a capital person to be around and to listen to. Every human being has his shell, and her shell was her vocabulary and the whole envelope of her sharp mind. Now she was brave to be different, courageous to disagree, bold to self-express, and daring to call her-future-self the best person in the world.

Do not write your life in a variety of strange hands rather than using your own. You do this when you get into external competition. It squeezes you into insignificance when you try to be someone else instead of finding your own way, style, amplua. The only hero you should be obsessed with is ‘you-tomorrow’. There is an inspiration in this strive, you grasp at pleasure and fail to get a complete hold of it as it always gets bigger and a little farther from your reach. It remains possible and impossible at the same time. And this game is never ending which makes life a fascinating experience.

3) Be Directed by Positive Criticism and Hones Praise

V. was able to unite the intrinsic (love to herself) and extrinsic (praise and criticism) advantages and became an extraordinary personality, the one that you can drink like a healthy cocktail and never have enough of the precious taste and benefits. She found the best acting teacher in a stand-up women’s comedy show. People praised her, and she rejoiced, friends criticized sometimes, and she was grateful. She started as an out-of-stage minor character and won her way to a leading actress participating in every show in her best disguise – never rudely present, always profitably clever and wisely funny. Everything she did or said was up to the most intelligent unoffensively critical and humorous way. Ingenious people loved her, and slightly shallow minds didn’t understand and avoided her – and that was just the price for being true – likable and not so much, lovable and not so much, respected and always so.

Conclusion

Woe to those who dream of what others have and fail to see the potential in themselves. Competition with others runs you into a blind alley. It takes the truth and love to present to you an internal competition anew. To be guided by things meaningful for you is like an invocation to a sacred beauty that awaits you on this way. The world is made small if you busy yourself with the faults of other people. When you overcome your fears and strive to be better than you were yesterday – the world enlarges by your presence. Living in this state you are never in repose but forever in flight. You arrest yourself for a moment when you reach one goal and continue an endless way to a better-you. Every move you make is a smile not a sigh. The vision of ‘you-tomorrow’ should be intoxicating and reviving.

Stay tuned…

Mental Health

My Father Died From Cancer, and It Taught My Mother to Write

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I painstakingly pieced this story from the several treasured excerpts of her diary

You must have a divine heart to be so full of vigor when life is a misery, filled with it like a precious vase… – Olya Aman

My mother makes beauty beautiful.

She dreams in words of love and hope when her life is tragic enough to make my face distort with darkness.

Her life is a sad song for an outsider and a bright red fire for those who have the privilege to know the divine rebellion of her smile, the cheering appreciativeness of her spirit, and the great resoluteness of her mind.

My mother gifted me with her beautiful diary on my 30th birthday. I painstakingly pieced this story from the several treasured excerpts from it.

Grace Your Life with the Presence of a Diary

Life may seem vengeful. When a beloved person is forever lost the existence appears empty. A painful loss sternly represses breathing although the chest is heaving with passionate feeling. Eyes become blind to all life attractions, ears deaf to all the words of love and affection. Every living being that still keeps smiling looks so provokingly heartless and mindless.

May 1988: “I buried myself in the full of soul eyes of my dying husband. I know I need to think of my dear child and myself for her sake, but it is so hard to tear myself from his bedside. His sufferings make my heart weep. I wish I could sacrifice myself and save him. His voice rising painfully when he holds my hand and pronounces my name. I quiver with restrained grief and smile to cheer him up.”

My father was going through tormenting sufferings on his way to the end of life. His pain, the result of advanced incurable cancer, was inadequately relieved. The question of surgery was not even possible to discuss. It was too late.

May 1988: “My diary is my salvation. I often write and hold his hand in mine. I put on paper what I feel and fold it in two. I plead and pray to God and hide it in my soul.”

July 1988: “He is in constant pain but looks the very incarnation of quiet bravery and love. Even in his intolerable condition, he strives to carry away my disquietude by talking about the beauty of life after death and the pleasure I should feel on this earth even when he will leave me.”

August 1988: “Whenever he is awake from his tired slumber he asks me to write the messages to daughter so I can deliver it to her when she will grow up to understand the preciousness of every word that was voiced through pain and suffering. I like to listen to his sentiments. I love his extreme good sense, his exquisite taste, and the feeling of life. He urges our girl to be uncompromisingly bold in the defense of her opinion and life principals, to be earnest and keen in pursuing her dreams, and to win the esteem of her mother and father by vindicating her character from any unkind inclination.”

Let Place, People, and Obligations Comfort Your Spirit

The freedom of nature and tranquility of some quiet shelter gives a sense of repose and expansion to the mind. When you take your place on a bench under your favorite tree it opens the floodgates of your soul. Here in loneliness, you can pour away the tears of grief. Being with beautiful life one on one you can learn all over again to feel the rays of sunshine with your soul and to experience the freshness of breeze with your heart.

October 1988: “With an agitated, burning heart and brain, I live through every minute of my life without him. How do I dare to live when he is not among the living? The one who in intellect, in purity and elevation of soul, was immeasurably superior to anyone I know. I rush outside to cool my feelings in the balmy winter air, and to compose myself each time I feel the hot tears coming to my throat. The solitude of my garden helps me to put on a gleeful smile to cheer my child.”

December 1988: “The poison of this loss spreads through all my essence. I now recognize its harmful intentions. The serious depth of it may kill life within me. I fight it, turn my back upon it. I seek retirement for my pain in taking care of my girl. She is my salvation. I let my head to be carried away by her childish ideas. There is no better cure like a merry, simple-hearted child — ever ready to cement broken heart, to melt the ice of freezing soul, and overthrow the walls of sorrowful isolation.”

Open up Your Heart to a Friend

It is an overwhelming toil to be in constant grief. Everyone needs to recover from the effects of it and a close attachment to the living dear people is the best cure in this case. A heartfelt conversation with a friend can fill you with faith, hope, and joy. It will drive away the keen regrets and bitter dregs of lingering sorrow that still oppresses your heart.

March 1989: “My mother is my faithful friend. When I see a flash of love in her eyes, a glow of sincere care on her face — I think that one day I will cease to feel this pain. When throbbing recollection flashes upon me, and a cloud of sorrow darkens my eyes, I talk to her: in person, on the phone, or in my mind, and a moment of inward conflict gives place to quiet conduct. I start to behave with exceeding calmness so that she never had to reprove me once.”

Delightful and Fruitful Activity

Perhaps another great healing technique would be an activity, business, hobby — the mode of actions that is enjoyable to the utmost degree for you. Keeping yourself busy and enjoying every moment of it is not a job, it is a recovery process that cures your heart and heals your soul. Leading an active life prevents you from disturbing your own heart by touching upon the infectious thoughts of loss and grief too often.

November 1989: “I started my diary with more truth than wisdom. In the beginning, I was still fearing to be rooted to my loss. Often the paroxysm of pain and despair was preventing me from saying what I was intended to say. A torrent of tears stained the pages with misery, and I prayed for forgetfulness. But only memory gave life to my words. Never do I endure so long, so blissful nights as when I write. I go through every moment of happiness and pain all over again. My goal is to keep the fire of my foaming and swelling with emotions life engaging and bright, so it warms the heart of my child when I give it to her to read and remember.”

September 1990: “Smiles and tears are so alike with me. I often cry when there is nothing left but to laugh and smile when I am in bitter grief. My diary is my remedy. I feel graceful easiness and freedom about all I do these days. The expansion that this new activity gives to my mind is so refreshing.”

October 1990: “I cannot stop writing. A broad sea is rolling between my past and present. My soul is forever united to the one that is dead in body but always living in my heart. My husband is my everyday companion. I feel his soothing presence. And this feeling of our reunion is not sad anymore, but rejuvenating.”

My mother started a diary and found consolation in putting her feelings on paper. Writing those down by-the-by brought consolation. It brightened the doomed comprehension of life. The melancholy musings and painful lamentations stayed on paper.

The words of sorrow, written in her diary, purchased solace and tranquility.

Conclusion

To find an antidote to painful emotions is essential. Grief, when left alone, may carry you away against any reason and will. It breathes a tired apathy born of long sorrow and hopelessness. You need to fight for your life and happiness every day for the sake of those who are living and for those who are no longer among us.

To be a prey to distressful feelings is a sad destiny. To do our utmost to live life happily is the only installment of our universal debt. There is certain graceful ease about being busy with daily life, household chores, taking care of the kids. These activities distract from painful recollections. When you remind yourself that there are still living people that need your attention, you tend to forget to torment yourself with thoughts about death — life is calling you to be present and active.

Stay tuned…