Tag Archives: #olyaaman

The Impact of Accent Mastery in Acting and Its Dynamic Role in the Entertainment World

Introduction:

In the realm of acting, the ability to immerse oneself fully into a character is a coveted skill. While impeccable dialogue delivery and emotional expression are essential, one often overlooked yet crucial aspect is the art of speaking with different accents. Accent mastery not only adds versatility to an actor’s repertoire but also opens doors to a myriad of opportunities in the dynamic world of entertainment.

  1. Diverse Range of Characters:

The entertainment industry thrives on diversity, and actors who can seamlessly adopt various accents have a distinct advantage. Whether it’s a historical drama, a contemporary thriller, or a whimsical fantasy, the ability to speak with different accents allows actors to authentically portray characters from various backgrounds and regions.

  1. Global Appeal:

In an era where content is consumed on a global scale, actors who can convincingly embody characters from different cultural backgrounds are in high demand. Accents contribute significantly to creating an authentic atmosphere, making the viewing experience more immersive for audiences worldwide. A skillful portrayal of accents not only adds credibility to the performance but also enhances the overall storytelling.

  1. Increased Employability:

The more versatile an actor, the more employable they become. Casting directors often seek actors who can adapt to different roles seamlessly. By mastering various accents, actors become valuable assets to production teams, increasing their chances of landing diverse roles in film, television, and theater.

  1. Cultural Sensitivity:

Accurate portrayal of accents requires a deep understanding of cultural nuances and linguistic subtleties. This process encourages actors to develop a heightened sense of cultural sensitivity. By delving into the intricacies of different accents, actors not only refine their craft but also gain a broader perspective on the rich tapestry of human experiences.

  1. Enhanced Creativity:

Learning and mastering different accents is an exercise in creativity. It challenges actors to think outside their comfort zones and delve into the complexities of speech patterns, intonations, and rhythms unique to each accent. This creative exploration not only enriches the actor’s skill set but also contributes to personal and artistic growth.

  1. Breaking Stereotypes:

Accents can be powerful tools for breaking stereotypes and challenging preconceived notions. When actors bring authenticity to characters through accurate accents, they contribute to a more nuanced and inclusive representation of various communities. This, in turn, promotes a positive shift in how diverse characters are portrayed in the media.

Mastering a foreign accent requires dedicated practice and a keen ear for nuances. Here are five exercises that can help actors develop the skills needed to speak convincingly with a foreign accent:

  1. Immersive Listening:
    • Choose a specific foreign accent you want to learn.
    • Immerse yourself in authentic audio content such as movies, TV shows, or podcasts featuring native speakers with the desired accent.
    • Listen actively to the rhythm, intonation, and pronunciation of words. Pay attention to how native speakers articulate sounds and phrases.
  2. Phonetic Drills:
    • Break down the accent into its phonetic components. Identify the unique sounds and speech patterns associated with the chosen accent.
    • Practice individual sounds by using phonetic exercises. Focus on challenging sounds that may not exist in your native language.
    • Gradually progress to practicing full words and sentences with an emphasis on correct pronunciation.
  3. Repetition and Mimicry:
    • Choose a short dialogue or monologue in the foreign accent you’re learning.
    • Listen to the native speaker delivering the lines and then attempt to mimic their pronunciation, intonation, and pacing.
    • Record yourself and compare it to the original. Take note of areas that need improvement and continue refining your performance through repetition.
  4. Accent Coaches and Tutors:
    • Seek guidance from accent coaches or language tutors who specialize in the specific accent you want to learn.
    • Work with professionals who can provide personalized feedback and correction. They can offer valuable insights into the nuances of the accent and help you refine your pronunciation.
  5. Role-Play and Character Development:
    • Create a character that embodies the foreign accent you’re learning.
    • Engage in role-playing exercises where you improvise scenes or monologues in the chosen accent. This helps integrate the accent into your natural speech patterns.
    • Experiment with different emotions and scenarios to enhance your flexibility in using the foreign accent across various contexts.

Bonus Tip: Record and Self-Assess:

  • Record yourself regularly while practicing the foreign accent.
  • Play back the recordings and objectively assess your progress. Take note of areas where you excel and aspects that require improvement.
  • Consistent self-assessment helps track your development and ensures that you stay focused on refining your skills.

Remember, patience and persistence are key when learning a foreign accent. Regular, targeted practice will contribute to your ability to convincingly adopt different accents for diverse roles.

More on this topic: Elevating the Actor’s Voice with the Transformative Power of Poetry

Conclusion:

In the ever-evolving landscape of entertainment, actors equipped with the ability to speak with different accents stand out as versatile and dynamic performers. Beyond the professional advantages, the journey of mastering accents fosters cultural understanding, creativity, and a commitment to authentic storytelling. Aspiring actors would do well to recognize the importance of this skill, not just as a means to secure roles but as a pathway to becoming truly immersive and transformative storytellers.

Stay tuned…

Hollywood Stage: The Ultimate Guide to Standard American English Accent for Actors

ActingStandard American English (SAE) Accent

The importance of a Standard American English accent for an actor in Hollywood can vary depending on the specific roles and projects. However, having a good command of Standard American English is generally considered beneficial for several reasons:

  1. Versatility in Casting: Many Hollywood productions, especially those with broader appeal or international distribution, prefer actors who can speak with a Standard American English accent. This accent is often perceived as neutral and can suit a wide range of characters and genres, allowing actors to be more versatile in their casting options.
  2. Mainstream Accessibility: Hollywood films and television shows are created for a global audience. Using a Standard American English accent makes the dialogue more accessible to a broad viewership. It helps eliminate potential barriers that might arise with strong regional accents, ensuring that the narrative is easily understood by diverse audiences.
  3. National and International Marketability: Actors with a strong command of Standard American English are often more marketable not only in the U.S. but also internationally. This is particularly relevant for actors who aspire to work in major productions that are distributed worldwide. A neutral accent can enhance an actor’s appeal and increase their chances of being cast in a variety of projects.
  4. Professionalism and Consistency: In the professional environment of Hollywood, being able to speak with a Standard American English accent is often associated with a high level of professionalism. It allows actors to maintain consistency in their performances and communicate effectively with directors, producers, and fellow cast members.
  5. Casting Preferences: While certain roles may require specific regional accents, many casting calls, especially for leading roles or characters without a specific regional background, specify a preference for Standard American English. Actors who can seamlessly switch between accents, including the standard one, have a competitive edge in the audition process.

It’s important to note that while a Standard American English accent is advantageous, Hollywood also appreciates authenticity in character portrayal. There are instances where specific regional accents are crucial for roles, and actors may need to adapt accordingly. Overall, versatility and the ability to convincingly portray a range of characters, including those with different accents, contribute to an actor’s success in Hollywood.

Standard American English is often considered a neutral or unmarked accent in the United States. It is the accent typically used by national news anchors, in formal public speaking, and in many Hollywood films. While it doesn’t specifically belong to any one region, it incorporates features that are generally found in the Midwest and Western parts of the country.

Key characteristics of the Standard American English accent include:

  1. Rhoticity: Most speakers of Standard American English pronounce the “r” sound at the end of words and before consonants, as opposed to non-rhotic accents found in some other English-speaking regions.
  2. Vowel Sounds: Standard American English tends to have a relatively “neutral” vowel system compared to some regional accents. For example, the vowels in words like “cot” and “caught” are often pronounced the same.
  3. General Lack of Strong Regional Markers: While regional accents are prevalent in the United States, the Standard American English accent aims to avoid strong regional markers. This makes it a common choice for national media and communication.

It’s important to note that even within Standard American English, there can be variations based on factors such as ethnicity, socioeconomic background, and individual idiosyncrasies. Additionally, regional accents such as the Southern, New York, Boston, or Midwestern accents have distinct characteristics that deviate from the neutral Standard American English. Actors often study these regional accents for specific roles to add authenticity to their performances.

  1. Wider Range of Roles: Mastering the American accent significantly expands an actor’s range of available roles. Many Hollywood productions and television series are set in the United States, and having a convincing American accent is often a prerequisite for casting. Whether it’s playing a lead in a New York-based drama or a supporting role in a Hollywood blockbuster, the ability to speak with an authentic American accent opens doors to a multitude of opportunities.
  2. Increased Marketability: Hollywood remains a global entertainment powerhouse, and actors with the ability to speak with an American accent are more marketable on an international scale. American films and TV shows have a vast audience worldwide, and casting directors often seek actors who can seamlessly integrate into these productions. This marketability extends beyond just American-based projects, making an actor appealing to a broader range of audiences and productions.
  3. Credibility and Authenticity: Accurate accents contribute to the credibility and authenticity of a performance. In American-centric storylines, an actor with a flawless American accent enhances the immersive experience for audiences. This authenticity is crucial for building a connection between the actor and the character, fostering a more genuine and relatable portrayal.
  4. Competitive Edge in Auditions: In the highly competitive world of acting, even a slight advantage can make a significant difference. When auditioning for roles in American productions, having a native or near-native American accent gives actors a competitive edge. Casting directors appreciate actors who can effortlessly slip into the linguistic nuances of the characters they are auditioning for, making them more likely to stand out and secure the coveted roles.
  5. Versatility in Character Portrayal: The American accent is incredibly diverse, with regional variations and accents specific to different communities. Mastering this diversity allows actors to portray characters from various backgrounds, adding depth and authenticity to their performances. Whether it’s a Southern drawl, a New York twang, or a neutral Midwestern accent, the ability to navigate these nuances showcases an actor’s versatility and commitment to their craft.

More on this topic: Art of Acting: The Definitive Guide to Vocal Training for Performers

There is no better companion than the timeless classic, “Speak with Distinction” by Edith Skinner.

Published in 1942, this seminal work by the esteemed voice and speech coach, Edith Skinner, has withstood the test of time, serving as a beacon for actors seeking to refine their vocal prowess. With a foundation rooted in clarity, distinction, and the nuances of American English, Skinner’s insights continue to resonate with aspiring actors and seasoned professionals alike.

The book covers various aspects of speech, including pronunciation, articulation, and the nuances of different sounds. It offers practical exercises and techniques to help actors develop a more distinct and versatile voice. Skinner’s approach is both scholarly and practical, making it a valuable resource for actors, voice coaches, and anyone interested in improving their vocal abilities.

You can find the book here.

Conclusion:

For actors aiming to make a mark in the global entertainment industry, acquiring the skill of speaking with an American accent is a strategic investment. It not only enhances their casting potential in American productions but also increases their versatility, marketability, and overall competitiveness in the competitive landscape of the acting profession.

Stay tuned…

Art of Acting: The Definitive Guide to Vocal Training for Performers

Introduction:

In the dynamic realm of acting, the spoken word wields unparalleled power. An actor’s voice transcends mere dialogue delivery; it serves as a dynamic instrument, capable of conveying emotion, nuance, and depth. Despite often being overshadowed by other acting skills, vocal training emerges as a pivotal force in unlocking an actor’s full potential. In this blog, we delve into the profound significance of vocal training in acting and its transformative impact on a performer’s ability to captivate and connect with audiences.

Section 1: Expression and Emotion

Acting hinges on communication, and a well-trained voice becomes the conduit for expressing a myriad of emotions. From the subtle whispers of a secret to the resonant power of a heartfelt monologue, vocal training empowers actors to modulate their voices effectively, breathing life into characters in a way that resonates profoundly with the audience.

Section 2: Character Development

Every character possesses a unique voice that mirrors their personality, background, and motivations. Vocal training becomes the linchpin in helping actors craft distinct voices for their characters, enabling authentic embodiment of roles. Whether exuding the assertiveness of a leader or the delicate timbre of vulnerability, vocal training empowers actors to make choices that elevate the believability of their performances.

Section 3: Projection and Articulation

In expansive theaters or before the camera lens, projection and articulation stand as paramount skills. Vocal training equips actors with the tools to be heard clearly, ensuring their performances reach every corner of the audience. This skill proves particularly critical in classical theater or when portraying characters with unique speech patterns.

Section 4: Versatility

Actors navigate diverse roles throughout their careers, and vocal training fosters versatility by expanding an actor’s vocal range. This adaptability proves invaluable, enabling actors to seamlessly transition between genres, time periods, and character types without compromising the integrity of their performances.

Section 5: Building Confidence

A well-trained voice instills confidence in actors both on and off the stage. The assurance of possessing vocal dexterity to convey a character’s emotions elevates an actor’s self-confidence, contributing to not only enhanced individual performances but also fostering a positive, collaborative atmosphere within the acting ensemble.

Section 6: Effective Communication with Directors and Co-actors

Clear communication is imperative in any collaborative artistic endeavor. Vocal training aids actors in articulating ideas effectively during rehearsals, fostering a collaborative working environment. Additionally, a well-trained voice facilitates seamless interaction with co-actors, enhancing the development of authentic on-screen or on-stage relationships.

More on this topic: Unveiling the Art of Elevation: A Journey into the Heart of Acting

Vocal Exercises for Actors:

1. Breath Control Exercise:

  • Purpose: Enhances breath support for sustained speech and projection.
  • How to do it: Follow steps with clear instructions for optimal results.

2. Vocal Warm-ups with Scales:

  • Purpose: Improves vocal range, flexibility, and pitch control.
  • How to do it: Provide a step-by-step guide using a piano, keyboard, or pitch app.

3. Articulation and Diction Exercise: Tongue Twisters:

  • Purpose: Enhances clarity of speech, articulation, and overall diction.
  • How to do it: Offer challenging tongue twisters and guidance on gradual speed increase.

4. Resonance Exercise: Humming and Buzzing:

  • Purpose: Develops resonance and vibrancy in the voice.
  • How to do it: Detailed steps for humming and buzzing exercises with variations.

5. Character Voice Exploration:

  • Purpose: Develops versatility in vocal expression and character differentiation.
  • How to do it: Step-by-step instructions for exploring different vocal qualities.

More on this topic: The Power of Presence: Building Authentic Connections on Stage and Screen

Conclusion:

Vocal training emerges as the thread weaving together emotion, expression, and authenticity. As actors diligently refine their vocal skills, they unlock the full spectrum of their artistic potential. From whispered confessions to resounding declarations, a well-trained voice serves as the key to delivering performances that linger in the hearts of audiences long after the curtain falls. Explore these vocal exercises regularly to embark on a transformative journey toward becoming a more versatile and impactful actor.

Stay tuned…

How Writer Can Live and Create in a Story-Book Style

I don’t need wine, cos’ I’m intoxicated with words

Bury yourself in an inexplicable sweetness of my words. – Olya Aman

The walls are never a prison, and any roof never stifles me. I manage to preserve the adventurism while being locked and isolated, for my words are real, as solid and true as every imaginable experience. They are the product of chaos, clutter, greed, insatiable hunger — love, tender feeling, sexual satisfaction, loving enthusiasm, and every possible set of emotions and reactions.

Like a hundred amorets, a swarm of words flies about my head. They leap from idea to idea and shot their arrows of completed sentences and passages into my willing heart. My imagination clothes the naked days with tender feelings, and in my happiness, the uneventful life turns into a fascinating adventure.

I worship the blank pages, ready to accept my writing. I trod on printed lines and shrug my shoulders with a delightful feeling of doing something venturesome, something magical, and absolutely unbelievable.

A day without my sweet mental struggle causes me every imaginable woe. I experience that utter weakness of the knees and fear to fall. And my heart beats almost painfully when a glimmer of a beautiful sentence makes my breathing strangely oppressive.

That is love. That is why I write. So if you don’t want to read me, that’s fine. I get my share of dope, pure intoxication, complete happiness in giving my words a chance to live and love.

I am too deliriously happy to care if you don’t like it

When I write I cannot tell if it is pain or pleasure. Every fraction of a second is such pure, beautiful madness. “What can be better than this?”, I say with something between a sob and a laugh.

My wayward nature wishes to be subjected to this strong guidance I feel inside me. My stories are enthralling. Above all, I wish them to be written, released. When it happens, and I click on the ‘publish’ icon, I feel as if I shake hands with this independent being I’ve created, and my heart goes pit-a-pat against my chest.

It doubles my happiness if you can attune to the tragedy or sing in unison with the sad song I’ve written, if you can recite some of my passages or laugh heartily with my protagonists — but if none of this happens, that’s fine. My fictitious characters give me all the possible bliss I need.

I detach myself from the farther life of my stories

My dreamy and even dreary eye is following my heroes in their final stride to adult life, without my motherly watchful attention. The incongruity between the mystery of formation of a story and the masquerade of real, published life creates a curious psychological atmosphere. At first, I feel horribly worried at being caught in the foolishness or lack of logic. But somehow, at the moment of issue, these feelings seem more artificial and frivolous than any mistakes I could have committed in the process.

I reconcile myself to any ridiculous trappings. They were meant to be, settled long before, like developing milestones. Acts, attitudes, external objects and people, bad stories written in the past, weaker characters brought to life in the present — all are the necessities that are wending my way to a future masterpiece.

I am resolved to let some of my breezy writings to live. The truth is painfully simple: if I cannot make head or tail of some of my past work, there might be neither there. If this happens, I allow myself a prolonged moment of hilarious laughter.

I’m not to be bamboozled with negative feedback

There is something positive in the entirely negative criticism, as there is something damaging in a too favorable one. I am on good, or at least on good-humored terms with both, adverse or otherwise.

I receive the first with that serenity, which is a characteristic feature of my personality, and which is close to gayety — an impulse to work harder. I like when it presents a challenge to my penetration. This type of response is the cogwheel of my writing business. I favor it.

The second, more handsome reaction, I receive with a crusty and rather cynical sense of humor. It’s a flicker, a spark of light, a minute shade of delight — I take it with a fit of speculative abstraction as if it is not me they like.

The bare truth is — my story is liked, not me. That particular moment of my life, when it was created, is appreciated. I’ve changed since then. It is not me anymore who wrote it. I feel detached from it in a way and definitely detached from any praise it receives.

I say to my fellow-writers, “Camp out, so to say, away from your finished work.”

Share my fondness for living in a story-book style. Turn the page, start a new chapter, without hesitation, with curiosity and desire to learn something new.

Notice the eternal bliss that is always with you. Don’t let any feedback deprive you of this delicacy of life. It is better to make mistakes often, being happy in the process, than making them often just the same, but with your heart in pieces.

You have words enough in your breast. They beat against one another like birds in a net, struggling to get free. Let them loose with no regrets. Your writer’s voice should sound clearly and forcefully. Your face should shine with the glory of having created, with a sort of ecstasy which redeems every painful event and glorifies every pleasurable moment.

Stay tuned…

Rearrange in Your Fashion the Person You Love. Mistake That Costs You Your Happiness

The valuable wisdom of the Tao Te Ching teaches how to avoid a common blunder of many otherwise happy couples

Olya Aman

Phantasmagoric guarantors of family happiness are care above any considerations and love beyond any measure. – Olya Aman

43rd Verse. The softest of all things overrides the hardest of all things. That without substance enters where there is no space. Hence I know the value of nonaction. Teaching without words, performing without actions - few in the world can grasp it - that is the master’s way.Rare indeed are those who obtain the beauty of this world. – Lao-Tzu 2nd Verse of “Tao Te Ching.

The Tao Te Ching, a book of wisdom, is considered by many scholars as teaching that guarantees a balanced, peaceful, and happy life. Eighty-one verses and about 100 short passages in this book of Chinese keeper of the imperial archives Lao-Tzu, can be applied to building a family.

When I read those verses, in an instant, like a shock from the blue, they spoke to me. Shaking authority, they told me,“Just see how you can understand what I say, will you?” And hunting through the years of my married life, I’ve found proof of every word, explicit confirmation of every thesis.

I’ve chosen only one verse that can give you insight into the art of creating a happy relationship. Imagine how valuable is the thoughtful reading and contemplation of all eighty-one of them.


Our first year of married life was absurd and entirely enlightening in such a manner as to be almost legendary. My husband’s political speeches on the place of man and woman in the family union were anecdotal and gave rise to loud protests and clarion laughter from me. My spy games and intellectual schemes aimed to enliven his daily schedule and make planning a permanent habit, tired him out.

“Your day is a brainless harlequinade. You sleep till 3 p.m. and stay awake till 3 a.m. Your absence in the morning irritates me like a gap, faded spot, on the wall where a painting used to hang.” I couldn’t quite decide whether I wanted to cry in pity for myself or to shout in an angry fit just for the same reason. “You are a master of radiant rationality. To compare your husband with a piece of drawing,” his eyes under the darkly drawn brows were bright with amusement, “that is certainly one to you.”

Our life arrangement left me in pure puzzledom. We barely spent any time together. Being a morning person, I felt my energy fading away with the sun leaving the horizon. My husband, on the contrary, was at the pick of his activity just at the time when my eyes were closing fast asleep.

Make it fair between us was my primary aim. We discussed what men could do, and women could not, and my stock of evil imagination was used up to give my husband the creeps. My handsome man employed his sense of the absurd to make me change my mind. I heard him say that a man works hard and can sometimes relax in his male friends’ company staying late at night. And he heard me say that, oddly enough, I work just as hard and deserve an overnight hangover. All these tunes were totally without words; we never attempted to tax in such a way our trust in each other.

There still was a heavy, oppressive sense of thunder in the air each time we started this ancient debate. My husband wanted his strength to be prodigious. “We’ll crack our old misunderstanding when you admit that there cannot be all equal between a wife and a husband in a family.” I motioned him in with my left hand, gave one of my characteristic ‘h’ms’, and pulled his ear with my right in a particular, sensual way — the way that always showed the real power of the ‘weak’ sex.

The softest of all things overrides the hardest of all things.

That without substance enters where there is no space. Hence I know the value of nonaction.

Our hearts were not attuned to change when it was forced with evident mental pressure. We suffered at the thought of our mutual noncompliance. Yet this was the very way to gain by losing. Being worthless, not good enough for each other was high on our list. It made us come very close to the climax of our relationship. We were on the verge of separation when ‘alas’ realized that achieving harmony and happiness involves acceptance and nonaction. This tiny alteration tipped our entire life over. It was a perfect mental summersault because the long-awaited change shambled into our relationship unawares.

Putting this verse in action

To force a change is violence. It conflicts with the harmony of life, and consequently — family.

  • Find value in the nonaction. Any activity can be truth or trash. Lack of it, on the contrary, has a sort of splendid neutrality. It brings natural hope for change.
  • Strength is not about doing a difficult task with muscle involvement. Often by not interfering, you show the power that lacks noisy vulgarity. You simply trust your instincts and love the other person, allowing your heart to be devoted without your mind telling you how to love.
  • There is wisdom in peaceful harmony. Being soft, you override others’ hardness, and the person previously unwilling to change, to get better, will crave for your approval.

Teaching without words, performing without actions — few in the world can grasp it — that is the master’s way.

Rare indeed are those who obtain the beauty of this world.

By being more tolerant, ironically, my husband and I feel happier than when we tried so hard to better our life. There is none of that sense of competition between us that can only be present between ‘dilettante’ couples. We smelled out all the misperceptions and confusions in and out the first year of our married life. We still have things to discuss now and then, mind you. Without being didactic and exaggerated, we out-distance any conflicts. That foxy old scheme of love and care always works. We hug the axiom that it is vital to underrate the troubles and overrate the affections in all disputes. Today we live softly and without effort. Accept each other quietly, without force. Enjoy being together easily, without a struggle. We allow the change without pushing it.

Stay tuned…

She Hated Me Because I Wouldn’t Hate Her

My best friend happened to be a monomaniac

Olya Aman
Her boyfriend falling in love with me was the last link that held back her devilish hatred.

Eva and I were friends from the first day in college. For seven years, we were spending hours together, talking in person and on the phone. She was a year older and had an air of superiority about her. Now I know I felt some patronage chord in her attitude towards me. A simple village girl, I was shy and sensitive to every misfortune and any offender — easy prey for a person in need of dominance.

Our decision to live together was an odious ordeal destined for a devastating failure. I realized much later the reasons for Eva’s abusive ignorance and suppressive silence at that time. I’m not sure if her unfortunate love affair with a man from the States whom she met on a dating website was one of them. Their love story started when my love story ended. I got married early, and admitting this mistake changed me drastically.

Eva and her man exchanged many beautiful letters; she wanted me to read them all. I was happy with her happiness. Those loving vibes were the only bright emotions at that difficult time in my life. When he came to Minsk for two weeks, they rented a fashionable flat and had a beautiful, as I thought at the time, fortnight together. I lunched with them once. My father took us all on a ride to our village house. A quiet dinner and a stroll around the rural sights followed it. Eva’s American boyfriend left, and as far as I knew, they continued close communication, planning their future together. Eva returned to our shared apartment in silence.

I couldn’t pretend anymore not to understand when I finally understood perfectly well the reasons for that change in Eva. She intended her sudden reserve and complete disregard to be abusive, but it looked pathetic. In the early days of our friendship, I was a fool, too frank and devoted to Eva to think her so stupidly jealous. To know her was, I believe, an education.

I was a sincere, gentle girl. Eva was a city diva. I never considered myself beautiful, only good looking. Eva carried herself as if admiration was a common thing she pocketed every day. I think my splendid stupidity in not aiming at the same effect maddened her. I admired her as I admired a good book, educational, and entertaining. But I couldn’t be got to envying beauty. And this beauty wanted to be envied.

Eva favored my friendship only to look superior to my somewhat shabby outfit. She saw me as a dependant — to make me feel a failure. I didn’t feel it. I never thought that frugal life is something I should be ashamed of. After seven years of it, I didn’t turn a hair. Eva calculated that the harsh separation I was living through was her last chance to see my ruin, and she offered to live together. I regret only that this one year washed out even the briefest memory of our happier moments. By that time, she was a monomaniac with her hatred throttling everything good still left in her.

The crisis she planned was this long-awaited meeting with her man. Eva offered that country drive with my dad to my homely place to show the contrast between us to this handsome American. Too late, she realized her miscalculation. The honored and mature boyfriend of hers spent many years in Afghanistan building schools and universities, helping the ones in need. My now-dead father, with no knowledge of English, became his best friend. My mother’s hospitality made his eyes water. On leaving our cozy little cottage, he gave my father a handmade prayer rosary he always carried in his breast pocket.

I still don’t know if I was the reason for their relationship to end. I’m almost positive he, being a gentleman, never as much as mentioned my name to her. Eva’s silence, as a recurring punishment for his coldness, most likely had drifted them apart.

I divorced my husband and moved to the United States. One day, I found myself reading a love letter from Eva’s man. It was a complete surprise, and I hope my response, full of respect, gratitude, and gentle rejection, didn’t cause too much pain to this beautiful person.

Stay tuned…

A Skeleton in My Family’s Cupboard Is a Skeleton of a Dog

Penetrate the darkness which clouded over the fate of one girl

This story begins in a sheepfold — it associates with kids — gropes its way through dreadful life mutilation, and stops where only death reigns. – Olya Aman

I reveal this tale in the first person — the way it was told to me by my cousin, let it be written. I’ll use all my mastery over the written word to give it the voice and mood of the people involved.

I was guilty of an act of naughtiness every time I had any chance to tax my parents’ patience. How mischievous I was — matters of no moment. You can laugh at my awkwardness, my stammering, and slowness at some other time. My parents were too much absorbed in daily hassles to fight against my whims and screams. I wanted a dog, and when my mom agreed with few objections, I chose the ugliest little creature ever existent. I always was the black sheep of the flock, and my dog was no better. Not any child but me could have picked such a nasty little beast. When my mom was holding my hand in front of a cage with the eight offsprings of our neighbor’s huge German King Shepherd, I saw her scowl at the little baldy black pup — and I knew instantly which one to take home with me.

He was the smallest of the brood and, surprisingly, grew up to be the biggest of the eight. He did everything with a bang; he barked in season and out of it. Dundee, the name I picked to commemorate my love for the famous movie Crocodile Dundee, was mad with rage at cats and rats, and mad with love for kids and chickens. Don’t even ask me why? He had that hearty, downright kindness towards little lady-girls. He would let all children do what they pleased with him, ride on his back, drag him by his tail, pull his ears. Try what not — he was patience and good humor personified. But Dundee licked the faces of girls and only the hands of boys.

It was our second year together when I began to suspect that Dundee was unfaithful to me. I discovered that he had fallen in love with the prettiest thing in our village. The cunning, flirtatious creature was a girl of my age. She had the biggest blue eyes and that rosy mouth of a doll that made people think she constantly was blowing the air out or getting ready to kiss every living thing. But Alisa, that was the name of the girl, was somewhat handicapped. She seemed to live in a dream, talking about flowers and imagining herself to be a dandelion, the abundance of which was a calling card of our place. She danced, not walked, sang instead of talking, and was dressed only in green, and with her hair of a sunny yellow shade, she reminded of the wretched weed indeed.

Her father was a simple and naïve widower. About a month before the dreadful scene, Victor set us all by the ears by bringing the most heartless and deceitful person of the entire region to our remote village. I searched back through the labyrinth of my past to bring back to you the rumors about this vile person because every one of them later, when he’d paid for his deeds, proved to be the truth. He was known to beat his wife when liquor got into his head, which happened way too often. There was definitely a screw loose in his head when it came to pretty young ladies. People saw him quadrupedal in the grass close to the school, doing no one knew what. Victor, Alisa’s father, considered this brutal man to be his friend. Women and men alike scolded Victor for associating with this vile person. We knew the gossips and believed it. But Alisa’s father turned a deaf ear to all those warnings. Victor repeatedly stated that he was saved from robbery and brutal bitting by this man. He paid the debt with respect and trust. Later, we suspected that the man himself organized the attack to get closer to the father of the most charming little flower in our parts.

Victor was overprotective of his stunning little daughter. She was a living proof that one time in his life, a woman loved him and bore him a child paying for this deed with her life. When my scary-looking Dundee saw the pretty thing, he lost his head. From then on, he ran off to her garden and came home only to satisfy his appetite for the leftovers of my mother’s delicious cooking and to spend the night, as was a custom between us, by my bedside. Dundee was devoted to me but, at the same time, adored Alisa. He couldn’t help being always close to this flowery creature. Alisa knew to the smallest detail the unsparing anatomy of my dog’s heart. Somehow they looked like a perfect pair — A Beauty & The Beast. Dundee brushed up his manners and looked a perfect gentle-dog, always smoothing away the creases of her dress and holding in his vast mouth the dandelions she picked.

Try as I might, I couldn’t rummage through my memory for the exact date for the dreadful incident. The closest I can get is to recollect that it happened sometime after my twelve’s birthday. I remember that my mother was still riding the high horse, angry with me for a broken vase and an adventure of a ruined birthday dress. 
The date is of no importance, though, as now we are at an unspeakably delicate distance from the heart wrecking events. Those I couldn’t wash from my memory hard as I tried.

Victor never left his precious daughter home alone. Wherever he went, he always took Alisa with him. He had no regular employment, leaving his job as a welder when his wife died. Being a skilled man he was never left without work, helping everyone in the village with everything anyone needed assistance with.

That unfortunate day, a call from his malicious friend forced him to go out late at night. As we learned later, he called at ten p.m. and requested urgent help in some simple but important matter, claiming the occasion not worth explaining on the phone and demanding to see Victor in person. He only said that it would not take long, that they just needed to talk it over in the nearest village pub. Victor should have refused point-blank, but the man insisted, saying he would consider this favor as a payment of the old debt. Victor looked in his daughter’s room. The girl was fast asleep, and he thought somehow it would be ok to leave her for a couple of hours unattended. Little that he knew about the mischievous plot set up by his fraudulent friend.

At the same time, in my room, my furious beast was out of all sorts. It was the only hour when my dog was invariably by my side. I can admit now that I forced Dundee to sleep by my bedside when he would have rather preferred a hut outside in our garden. I was getting ready to sleep and could not get him to calm down. Something stirred him up. Dundee was continuously whining and scratching at the closed door. He never behaved like that before. I gave in and let him go, wondering what the matter with my dog was. We learned from Victor the account of the events that followed. Let me present it in his own narrative.

“I heard the loud barking when I was halfway to the pub where I had the arranged meeting. Dundee almost knocked me to the ground. I should admit, I was scared. The bruit was huge and behaved strangely, pulling the sleeve of my coat and dragging me homewards. I tried to fight Dundee, imploring him to let me go, but to no avail. The creature was out of his mind. Then I had a notion, you know, a tightening in the heart and a loss of regular breath at my throat. Something was amiss with my girl, I thought. Everybody knew about this dog’s devotion to my daughter. How I got back home, I barely can tell. I was running with my heart in my mouth.

“When I approached the house, I saw the light in my daughter’s bedroom and struggled for the key to the door. Not finding one in my pockets, I violently pressed on the door with my whole body and almost cracked my skull when I fell on the floor. The door was not locked! The dog rushed past me, barking viciously all the time. When I entered the room, Dundee was on top of that man. My Alisa was sitting on her bed with her nightdress on the floor and her pretty little face agitated. I covered her in a blanket and ran out of the room to prevent her from seeing the scene of a murder. My side vision couldn’t mistake it for anything else. The villain managed to utter only one frightful cry, and then it was only the sound of growling and chattering. The hip of bloody mass under the fierce dog was past all doctoring.

“I couldn’t help the man. Even then, being so much shaken by what happened, and with my sluggishly working mental powers, I admit, I thought he richly deserved his cruel fate. I needed to save the fragile mind of my precious daughter. By now, she was drawing her breath convulsively. I brought her to my bedroom. Holding her in my arms, I rocked her to and fro, whispering words of tender consolation. I was crying like a baby, hiding my face in the creases of the blanket.”

That was the first thrilling sensation of which all the people of our village were talking for months. The developments that followed began to alter fast. Victor called the police and the ambulance. The death from fatal wounds inflicted by a German King Shepherd named Dundee was stated. The dog, though, was nowhere to find. The law said to put the beast to sleep in a case like that. Police officers and volunteers searched through and through, but they didn’t find Dundee. Alisa was not seriously harmed. I don’t think she realized that her father’s friend, as the man referred to himself when implored the girl to open the door, was about to offend her in any way. He asked her to undress, saying he had a new gown for her, and if she would be a good girl, he would let her try it on. Her mind luckily blotted the other events of that night. She continues to be a beautiful dandelion in her green dress, walking the fields and singing her songs even today.

We seldom talked about the dog. I felt as if treading on the delicate ground each time I mentioned his name. I believed him alive, hiding somewhere. My father told me some years past the true fate of my brave Dundee. At the time of the accident, he and Victor kept it a secret between themselves to make sure the police would not get any notion of what happened. That horrid night Victor called my father, and only when my dad took the dog out of the house and into his van, aiming at his brother’s farm a hundred and fifty miles away, Victor called the ambulance and the police. Shortly after my discovery, I went to my uncle’s farm to learn about my friend’s further life. Here what my uncle said, revealed in his own words.

“Your dog was worth his weight in gold. Take my word for it, dear. He lived a solitary life on my farm, running after the rats and cats and affectionately mothering the chickens. He never expressed any even slight attachment to me or any human being. His heart was forever given to that little flower girl, I think. I often saw him wandering among the fields with a bunch of dandelions in his mouth. He seemed to pass his later years cloudy in the head. Very quiet, very sad. Do you want to see his grave?”

I saw the earth’s elevation under the only tree in a vast field quite far from the house. It was his favorite spot, my uncle said. The very silence of the place seemed to be exaggerated. I battled out of my lethargy and laid a bouquet of dandelions on his grave.

Stay tuned…

What Does It Mean to Be a Parent

In every conceivable manner, the family is linked to our past, bridge to our future. – Alex Haley

1) When You Are a Mother You Realize How Challenging and Rewarding This Role Is

Every possible color on an emotional spectrum is present in my life. I didn’t know how fast and easy one can go from being exhausted to angry and impatient, then right away feel regret and shame for not controlling this flow of emotions. These feelings should end up with laughter and tenderness after all.

Raising kids is not easy, and knowing that I am not the only one who does not always know how to react to screaming and rolling on the floor, and how to perceive some bad temper towards other kids in a friend’s house – helps me to strive for more knowledge by listening to the ones that are more experienced. I read the authors who learned a lot on their parenting journey.

2) Parenting Is a Life Exam and You Choose to Study and Pass It When You Decide to Have a Child

This process involves a lot of explorative reading. And not until I got acquainted with the works of Alice Miller, Adem Gunes, and some other pedagogues, psychologists, and teachers – I found answers to some questions crowding in my head.

There is no way anyone can predict the future of their kids. You see, you cannot predict to a 100% certainty if your tomorrow will turn out to be exact to your plan. But I wanted to make sure I do the best possible choices and make right decisions concerning my kids every day with the goal in mind to raise not ‘good’ (which means in parenting language ‘obedient’ kids) but happy and loving, kind and caring, thoughtful and creative, responsible and confident, independent and fulfilled personalities. 

3) ‘Good’ = ‘Obedient’ Is Not Always Desirable and Some Resistance to Parents Can Be a Positive Sign

When fear is used – kids do whatever they’re told without thinking, just to please and obey adults. These children may become what their parents want them to be and lose themselves on this way.

There is a big difference between a child doing something and believing it is the right thing to do, and another kid that is just following the instructions. The first way creates independent thinkers and the second leads to unpredictable results.

Today this kid is listening to his parents without questioning and does everything he is told immediately, and tomorrow he does the same – but now he listens to someone else, his peers – and these people may not be the lot you’d have picked.

If your ultimate desire is to help your children to set and meet their own goals – then be prepared to find out that they may make choices and embrace values that aren’t the same as yours.

It is not easy to keep the big picture in mind and focus on long-term goals rather than on an immediate compliance. We need to consider what our children need rather than just what we’re demanding from them.


Conclusion

Motherhood is a never-ending learning process, and there is no one book to suit every scenario and one rule to follow in each situation. Every family is a different book to write and every mother and father is an author of a unique kind. 

Stay tuned…

4 Major Pitfalls to Avoid When Raising a Child

Family teaching is by example only. – Chinese saying

1) When You See Some Signs of Undesirable Behavior

To reward this world with a person who will be driven to bring glory to his community, country, nature and the whole world is a great mission. And the process requires a lot of self-assessment and consideration. Sometimes when you see some signs of undesirable behavior: lying, open aggressiveness, or quiet anger – you need to step back and analyze what could have caused it. 

If you try to raise a child who is always obedient and pride yourself on your ability to discipline your little one, you may expect sooner or later rebellion in a disagreeable form: he may take drugs, bully others in school or in the streets – giving way to his emotions and perceiving personal pleasure in life as his only valuable accomplishment. 

2) When Striving to Instill an Individualistic Point of View 

Another pitfall is to strive to instill an individualistic point of view in your child. You may think that by praising without measure and often without reason you will create a winning spirit. You bestow love and create an impression of ‘the world is mine and all is made for me and for my good’.

This child later in life will put herself on a pedestal and make no excuses when it comes to her personal success. She won’t care about the rest of the world and suffering around her. If she feels it more convenient for her she’ll put her elderly parents in a nursing home instead of sacrificing her time and maybe her career to take care of them.  

3) When Suffering in Any Form Does Not Initiate Compassion 

Make every effort to raise a child that sees his success in harmony with the world around him, who don’t think a moment choosing between the need to take care of a cat suffering as the result of a fight and being late for a meeting. It may not sound like such a good example, but if suffering in any form (experienced by a person, animal, or any creation) initiates compassion – this is the outcome you’ve been looking for.

This child considers himself a member of the society. He can empathize and see the world around him through the glass of his emotions. He lives in harmony with nature and humankind. He won’t break a tree branch just for fun. He’ll never even think to graffiti his name or any other writing on the wall of a store. He’ll never attempt to throw a stone into a shop window just to hear the alarm and then speed away. He will cherish and respect the result of other people’s effort and the result of the effort of The One, Who created this world… So he won’t pollute his body with nicotine, alcohol, or drugs, not just for his own good but for the good and well-being of others around him and the ones he loves the most. 

4) When You Consider a Child Your Property

We are all born with our characters defined and a skilled and observant parent can trace some unique features right away. A baby may be quiet and cry only when hungry or he can call for your attention every other minute. Children are all different from the time of their birth. If you consider your little one, coming to this world and changing your life as a welcomed and ‘respected guest’ – you will give him due attention and care, listen to his needs and come to his aide whenever it is required, answer his calls for love each and every time without restrictions – that will be enough to make him a happy addition to your family. 


Conclusion

Open your heart and create a safe environment where the innocence of your baby won’t be taken advantage of. Govern your actions with respect to his emotional world and always try to put yourself in his tiny shoes to try and see the world through those innocent eyes full of love and devotion.

Stay tuned…

3 Ways to Create Healthy Emotional Atmosphere for Your Child

Family discussions, with old and young alike taking part, can be as stimulating as sparks that ignite a fire. – Spanish saying

1) Every Child Is Born With the Growing Desire to Discover the Unknown 

Curiosity governs his actions and you need to satisfy it and help it to develop into a conscious longing to learn, that in later years will determine his success in life. He perceives you as a magician that knows everything and has numerous wonders. 

You reach into your bag, take out the phone and put it to your ear and listen and talk back, you put it back and grab a bottle of water, put it on the table and place a cookie on it that you just pulled from the same charmed sack. Don’t be surprised when this little adventurer approaches your bag as soon as you put it down and starts his discovery process, taking everything out and examining every object. Let him satisfy his curiosity, when he is done he probably won’t disturb the contents of it anymore.

But if he continues to do so every time you leave the room or just turn around, and you can tell that now it is a mere play – not curiosity; then you can show him a sign of your disapproval.

2) Be Careful When Distinguishing Between Curiosity and Misbehaving 

He is a smart little guy and will read the expression on your face: knitted eyebrows and stiff lips. If you are careful when distinguishing between curiosity and misbehaving, you will reap the fruits of your efforts soon enough. One day traveling you visit a wonderful ancient church with colorful frescos, golden candelabras, and stained glass windows. You come a bit earlier to have enough time to wander around and then to listen to the organ music. Your son will look around with his eyes wide open and a smile on his face, taking time to examine each painting.

When you quietly call him to have a seat beside you he will show ‘behavioral discipline’ and sit beside you and listen with you, maybe still occasionally looking around. You did a great job thinking ahead and coming earlier to give him time to contemplate the beauty of the place.

You may see another family with kids. They came just in time to sit down and listen to the music. The mother keeps reproaching the kids for not sitting still. The father may threaten them with what he may do when they leave the place. And the little ones try to obey and hide the burning desire to look around and see what is on that wall behind them and the one on the left, and to learn why there are multiple colors and sun comes through the windows in rainbow-like rays. These kids will get used to bottling their emotions up to save themselves from scolding.

3) Create Emotional Freedom in Your House

Your effort will determine your future success as a parent and you will be proud of your children. Discipline is important. The goal is to create true harmony between the emotional world and conscience.

If you govern in your household by the rules you never explain properly so that little soul may understand and admit them – you teach external discipline – one without understanding. Kids will obey because of fear of punishment, not because they internally comprehend the importance and meaning of these rules. And when the very person who introduced the rules is gone, the kids won’t follow them anymore – there will be no threat to force them to do so.

But if you take time to explain every disciplinary action to your child in a way so that his conscience will recognize and acknowledge it – whatever happens in the future, with you beside him or when you are gone – his conscience will remind him the good and bad, true and false, love and hate.


Conclusion

Conscience is the most sensitive scale that perfectly distinguishes between right and wrong. Be an example of a principled centered life, governed by your conscience and this way you will teach your child to balance the emotional world with the help of internal discipline. Sooner or later the time will come when only those treasures will help him to be a good person. Make sure you supply him with all he needs and you will be proud of your child for making this world a better place. 

Stay tuned…