Monthly Archives: April 2020

Personal Growth

How to Start Writing a Book: A Writer’s Diary – Part III

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Become strong enough to learn how to fail skillfully and get up with grace

Introduction

A. is a 26-year-old office worker who is bored to death. When her boss is looking the other way, she switches the screen of her computer to the pages of her book. She downplays herself and often in conflict with her protagonist. We are going to witness a drift of her thoughts during this process.

If you downplay and mock yourself – you lose self-respect. The agonizing self-rivalry exists in almost everyone. If considerate, it is very productive. Learn what price to pay to become a winning party always. 

Become Strong Enough to Learn How to Fail Skillfully and Get up With Grace

We had our annual ‘all hands’ office party yesterday. My colleague Josh was making eyes at me all night. And near the end of the party, he approached me with words: “Look into my eyes – they are so kind.” I responded with mitigated reality: “They are drunk.” He mumbled: “Weeeell..works both ways, doesn’t it?” I’m afraid to say that I was so close to agreeing. Was I that lonely? No way! I came home took my little old bear off my laptop and finally got to work.

When you try to control areas in life that are out of your league, the world goes completely mad and may drag you to the depth of insanity, unless you become strong enough to learn how to fail skillfully and get up with grace.

When you try to write about things that do not interest you, the book becomes a dull play and not one reader will be determined to sit out the performance. Start all over again, and this time you should be armed at all points with full information about your topic and passion for the depiction of it. 

Let Life Give You Wings to Fly

I feel overwhelmed with work duties, cannot put them out of my head even for a couple of days. The company I work for is shrinking, and I may very much be the next one to be laid off. Oh, well… My skin feels the wind of change. The touch of it is a little chilling, but I am going to tune my senses to the wave of it and make the best of my life. At any rate, if I lose my job, I will devote more time to writing.

Life can be a fairytale or a nightmare. It can age you, kill you or give you wings to fly. The good thing about it is that the choice of what to get is yours. And the bad thing is – no one does it consciously.

 Every trial in life is not a limitation, but a kind of self-developing advantage. Consciously accept it and your writing spirit will be always bright, free, and generous. Do not let everyday disheartening occurrences distress you. Your ability to work depends on a healthy state of your mind and body. Cherish those with utmost care. 

Control the Mood That Reigns in Your Reality

Today I forgot my wallet at home. When I was standing in front of the vending machine in our office lunchroom I was close to staging a hungry faint just to see if this soulless ‘food dealer’ had some mercy for me. My protagonist found his love. Will I?

Your reality is the best thing in the world because you control the mood that reigns in it. Be unpredictable and you won’t get bored. Your state of mind is the source of life energy and food just keeps your body in a functional state. 

Recognition is a horrid thing to follow, but a charming thing to have. The chase will exhaust you. You need only art, temper and talent to meet all the illumination of wisdom and the rest is destined for you. 

When you control your mood, you are always able to stay remarkably fresh to your readers, and remarkably well-seasoned to your critics.

Conclusion

Today is just the day when I feel so manly with all the responsibilities I have. My main priority – my book – is slowed down by them. I’ll keep my job if I make an extra effort there, somewhat here, and chiefly everywhere. To pay the bills means to work more and write less. I wish I could trade my skirt-manliness for the one that wears pants.

 You can be irreparably older than your peers. And years have nothing to do with it. You age faster with the questions you ask yourself. If accustomed to asking and listening, you will easily mystify and captivate your readers. 

Your book will come to houses and feel at home. It will change the interior with new impressions and experiences. Everything will feel familiar and at the same time strange. And although the outside stays the same, the change inside will make people feel cozy in their chairs, reading away with a cup of warm beverage in hand. 

Stay tuned…

Personal Growth

How to Start Writing a Book: A Writer’s Diary – Part II

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Never be disheartened!

Introduction

A. is a 26-year-old office worker who is bored to death. When her boss is looking the other way, she switches the screen of her computer to the pages of her book. It gives an anxious, haggard look to her gentle face. A. writes away with an odd mixture of the detached and the involved. We are going to witness a drift of her thoughts during this process.

When you look at a beautiful hand embroidery, you see cross-stitching and think that if you had patience enough, you could do that. The multitude of colors may scare you at first, but you know that to master the skill itself you just need a little training. The reverse side of it, though, looks eerily tangled. And that may add the fear of new and unknown to your feelings.

Life is a custom masterpiece, and the beauty of it is inspiring. The confusing opposite side is a mere bunch of knots that are made along the way. Many or a few – they keep the picture in place – when a thread is over, you make a knot, get a different shade, and keep going.

Never be disheartened!

You Have Power to Grant Eternal Life by a Simple Touch of a Pen to a Paper

 “Mat is cheating. The girl he met at his best friend’s birthday party was paid by his wife to seduce him so she can tarnish his image in her father’s eyes. This way her lover, not her husband, can get that important promotion. But they truly fall in love with each other…”. I keep talking in this way for a little longer before I realize that my cat Rob is no longer listening to this nonsense. He keeps nodding as if understanding while struggling to keep his eyes open. I laugh and affectionately kiss him. He is now so used to my ‘crazy moments’ that he can play the game of ‘attentive listener’ any time when I intensely get to my work.

You have the power to grant eternal life by a simple touch of a pen to a paper. The idea will shine with profound meaning, a character will look at you from a page and walk away to the depth of the narrative to suffer and love, struggle and succeed. 

You should unite the intrinsic and the extrinsic while building the net of your story. It will be in the highest degree engaging and attaching if you play it in your mind (intrinsic) and aloud to an attentive listener (extrinsic). Keep your narrative in admirable order, constantly improving it till it becomes full of light and incapable of blunders. 

Important to Get Away From the Techno-World

Today I was sitting in my favorite coffee shop and racking my brains on how to put another plot twist in my book. A handsome guy entered the shop, got his coffee, and took a seat. No laptop! No smartphone! He was just simply drinking coffee! It looked a bit insane.

Our world is overflowing with information. It’s all the more important to get away from the techno-world and escape to the peaceful embrace of the natural world to recharge your inner batteries.

People in an advanced stage of inspiration had better not be interrupted at all. If you can help it, try to isolate yourself from unnecessary intrusion. Allow yourself to be politely absent from social life for a few productive hours and you will impute ample worth to anything you do. 

Find Enough Power to Push Your True Essence

I was so excited to print out almost all my earlier stories for the first and dearest reader. “Interesting,” my mom never was eager to squander praise, but just one word, which is not even any definite evaluation of my work –is discouraging, to say the least.

It is not easy to enter the backside of your reality and find enough power to push your true essence out and change the shape of your life. You may find little encouragement from your family and some friends. That just means that they care about you but see a lot of pitfalls on your writing way and want to protect you. Cleverly mend your wounded pride and try to be the most comfortable and amenable person to spend time with. No need to prove anything, save your emotional energy for grander deeds. No one, save infinite good time and yourself, can perceive the events of your life. 

Something Old and Stale and Faded

Today two-year-olds can unblock their phones and get to their games, plug in their tablets when the battery is low, and switch on videos on the kids’ YouTube channel. What was I doing at that age? I was eating chalk and cuddling my bear. This no longer fluffy, one-eyed, stitched belly little friend is still sitting on my laptop. I haven’t been writing for three days now. Feeling disappointed in myself.

Some object in the cupboard – the quiet, dusky cupboard where there’s an odor of stale spices – can listen to your chatter with infinite good nature. If you cherish and love that inanimate object, it also becomes affectionate towards you. And when it does, you feel kind protectiveness it irradiates. You can use it as an amulet. 

Something old and stale and faded can be of more beauty than the latest fashionable adornment. The connection to such an object is very gentle and gracious. You cultivate it by sharing memories and impressions with it, by expressing your gratitude every day. This relationship is binding you both like a good book. A simple touch to such a thing can give you inner peace.

Your Book Is Something You Want to Be Seen

Rita texted me today: “Are you okay? How are you doing? I haven’t seen you for a while.” Marketing never was my cup of tea. I haven’t been active on my Facebook, barely posting once a month or even less than that. So when I started to emerge every day across all my social platforms, my friends got worried thinking I had family issues and was now spitting my grief in verbal diarrhea.

Someone’s knowledge about us is a power that is hard to confront. Your book is something you want to be seen. You shouldn’t be too insistent, yet, not too quiet. You need people to remember who you are and what are you up to. So when the time comes for announcing the publication of your book – the audience is ripe with curiosity.

Alterations That Only Experience Can Cause

I often talk to myself while driving. Sometimes I talk to other people, real and imagined. Today I was answering some talk show host’s questions about my book. She was reading some excerpts, and we were discussing her insightful ideas about them. We were laughing a lot and agreeing on almost every idea she had. What a smart person she was and how nice of her to spend that time with me!

Time is irrelevant unless you not only feel the outside changes but the inside, not obvious and even almost imperceptible, alterations that only experience can cause. When you have enough inherent strength to get in with a person whose virtues of the heart serve as an example for you, your personality will muster depth and complexity. This inner change is a precious and welcome sign of the passage of time. 

To boost this magical transformation you need to surround yourself with people who are smarter than you are in areas you want to learn about, wiser than you are in areas you had no idea being existent. If no such people are present in your life at the moment, even self-conversation with an imagined opponent can be a great beginning. It is not insane; it is very normal.

Conclusion

Can silence be unpleasant? It can. My skin feels the cold touch of it in the room full of people. When two are silent, it can be shared friendly and all understanding stillness of like-minded souls. I have nothing to say to people. A crowd started to be distractive for me. I feel a need for time off work and off people.

Often you see how silly bird coming from someone’s mouth to the freedom of open space is flying long distances and singing her song loud enough to spoil life for as long as memory is living. And this thing is highly resilient. People love talking, labeling, and stigmatizing. Is it good? Of course, it’s not! But this is the way it is… Like destroying water, one verbal mistake can crush the sturdiest human rock. 

Words that were said mean something, even if YOU didn’t mean anything. Your intellectual standing in the eyes of people around you can be proved by the thoughts you share with them. Your book is a product of your mind. Do your best to make every word in it worth to be said.

Stay tuned…

Personal Growth

How to Start Writing a Book: A Writer’s Diary – Part I

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Your story will rank with the deepest art of all times if you have the command over the written word. – Olya Aman

Introduction

A. is a 26-year-old office worker who is bored to death. When her boss is looking the other way, she switches the screen of her computer to the pages of her book. Everybody knows about it and nobody seems to believe that she’s capable of writing it. But she’s determined to stick it to her friends, family, and her cat Rob – an only faithful companion in her lonely one-bedroom apartment life. We are going to witness a drift of her thoughts during this process.

As you lift your head a particular ‘Writing-Sunday’, feel the grandeur of your idea that you desire to communicate to other human beings. Your story will rank with the deepest art of all times if you have the command over the written word. Many fascinating things are still in the regions of the unwritable and the unspoken. Astonish your reader in the interests of truth – things you perfectly, even to the most exquisite nuances, understand.

The Story That Becomes History

I decided to start telling everybody that I am writing a book to push myself to action. I thought about it for a couple of years and it never went farther than just a dream that I was too afraid even to make an effort to fulfill. When at work, family gatherings, and friends’ parties people started to ask me: “How is it going?” “What is it about?” “When will I read it?” – I was too embarrassed to keep lying and STARTED WRITING my book.

Every person is a living myth where the real and imagined blur together. It does not matter if the story is not yet the truth. When a lot of people consider it so – it becomes history. We should learn to tell our story confidently and convincingly. Only then does the desired reality becomes your present.

People should find your story easier to remember than to forget. If you have the ability to control over the ghost of an idea, make it meaningful, depict all unutterable communications, and add a few well-chosen silences, you are a poignantly skilled writer. The best you can do is to encourage your talent. 

Your Life Train Can Go Only Uphill

If I have a thought, it keeps buzzing there like a hyperactive bee confusing the web of my life with that honey bucket bouncing from each strand. When I empty it – write it down, the ability to concentrate and function is back. I was driving from the coffee shop and that idea about Death almost blurred my vision and I, only by some miracle, didn’t miss my turn. I came home and took off my second shoe only when the thought was transferred to the screen of my laptop.

Your train cannot go downhill, only uphill. If your life is a happy creation, the passage of time makes you wealthy with new impressions and knowledge. You trade aging not for fear but for the coin that feeds your curiosity. And the simple magic of being always inquisitive is in sitting in an uncomfortable car of the upward bound train with a magnificent view from the window; dreaming about a comfy sleeping compartment and never getting into one.

Coping with writing-related-difficulties is a game of hide-and-seek. You never know what is wrapped around the next problem. The way you deal with them tells tomes about you as a writer. You should be inexorably grateful for the gift of overcoming the obstacles on your way. You become utterly curious and utterly hungry during this process of personal development. 

Everything Can Be a Source of Energy and Inspiration

My life reminds me of a Rubik’s Cube: one side is red and the others are all messed up and never get into order. I am behind the plan my relatives have for me: 1) to find a job that my father will approve – done! 2) to marry the guy my mom will like – not yet there and often seems never will be 3) to have kids to please my grandma – need to deal with the second point first! Why does even thinking about it makes me sick? The guy in my book is looking for his lifelong partner and failing constantly as well. 

Everything can be a source of energy and vigor: passion, rage, and even fear, but never guilt. Guilt deprives you of the healthy engagement hunger, which is the only source of creating freedom. 

Everyday life has the territories of characters, the acres of concepts, the meadows of thoughts, and the domains of ideas. And I tell you: Why don’t you let them free with the help of your artistic pen? 

When You Know What to Talk About

My best friend Sasha has the look of a naughty baby that just broke my favorite cup with the picture of us smiling. “I read the title and I liked it,” she says. “Next line makes me think that the second sentence will be easier to digest and I will start understanding. When I was done with a paragraph, I went back and read it two more times – and still had no idea what it was all about.” A lump of desperate powerlessness and frustration is blocking my throat and my vision. “You are so smart, so wise and intelligent. Everybody will love it and will be amazed by your style,” she squeezes my hand. “It is just me. I do not know English well enough. You know this is not my strongest side.” I go to the bathroom and switch the water on so that the sound of it will muffle my sobs. I look at my eyes. Tears make them turn from the juicy greenery of young leaves to the mature dark color of ready to wither grass. I love to watch this transformation. Sometimes, just for that reason, I like to cry.

When you know what to talk about with a person – you feel mutual affection. This chemistry between you can grow into true friendship when you drink tea with saffron, cardamom, and ginger in silence that is full of shared beauty of common understanding that whatever is kept quiet has the meaning you can read with every breath. This music does not need words. 

There are people that swagger in your memory as the finest. Read the ready chapters of your book to them. You will get on famously with the feedback from a trusted circle. Do not turn a deaf ear to their response. 

Fear Comes From the Knowledge

I am my worst enemy with all those excuse-walls I build on the way to my artistic calling. Where is my much-valued deviousness? I used to be so inventive playing ‘school game’ with my grandma for two weeks before she realized that she was doing homework for me.

Fear comes not from the pain of a strike, a fall, or a loss but from the knowledge that the one who did it to you is out of your reach or, what is even worth, you don’t even know who that was. 

Inhale the very fragrant of your fear and toss it out of your heart. It should help you to move ahead, not to force you to stop completely. People will judge, some favorably, others – otherwise. There is no product of imagination and experience that will suit everyone. You may make yourself famous with particular chosen people of similar mental construction. So much the better. 

Conclusion

I had a nightmare today. I was skiing and looked awesome in my gear: ski goggles, helmet, and fashionable ski suit. While cruising down the hill, I jumped on a trampoline and I crashed into a tree. I got up: my ski poles were crooked and my skis – broken, my suit was torn and my goggles were smashed, my face was bruised and some teeth were missing. I dusted myself off and looked up, saying: “Still better than at work.” My life is so predictable that even this dream is a breath of fresh air. Still struggling with the second chapter of my book.

Sometimes we need Novocain blockage for emotions to cope with our daily tasks. If everyday life brings sad thoughts, we need to find something to smile at, even if this something is ‘you getting left behind’. Humor – is the best cure for depression. And to know how to be funny is a great achievement. 

You may judge of the success of your efforts by two things: the number of pages written and the vastness of pages crossed and rewritten. This process is laborious and requires a great deal of patience and self-control. You are naturally born to great things. But those things are placed in the middle of the two extremes, between the fear to act and the bravery to dash headfirst. The wise man should have both in moderation and make progress with some fear and a bit more bravery. This way you get moving with more consideration and contemplation.

Stay tuned…

Mental Health

Chronicles of a Hospice Nurse: Life Lessons Learned the Hard Way

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How you can be the richest person in the world

I am an artist that combines human unfulfilled dreams, last painful regrets, and agonizing pleadings into the greatest masterpiece this world had ever seen. – Olya Aman

I am a hospice nurse. I witness the end-of-life every day. I’m an expert in emotional and physical pain elimination. Physical pain is taken care of with the help of drugs; emotional—with the help of letters I offer my patients to write. I come home after work and reveal my daily impressions to my diary. It helps me understand the meaning of life, and our place in it.

Life most foul

Martin, a patient on a deathbed, is very weak. He has only a day or two left. Enough time to respond to a question, “Martin, you are dying. Who do you care about? What message do you want to send to those whom you love? This is a pen and a paper. I promise to deliver your letter.”

Martin laughs convulsively, shaking all over. Tears are streaming down his cheeks. All that emotion is tearing him apart. I can see the pain crippling down his throat.

A skill of commanding love is the only and the biggest blessing in life. To gain it be a Herculean task for me, much harder than to become a millionaire many times over. – Olya Aman

It is a beautiful experience: a handsome elderly man, with thin lips that forgot how to smile, and grey eyes that didn’t remember how to show pity or compassion. This person is transformed into the naïve boy he once was. The boy that used to believe in love and remember how that feeling could rejuvenate and heal. The boy that was generous in a way where he did not want it returned. He used to let himself forget what he had done for others, and because of that he never missed love.

Instruments of self-destruction

Martin responds with emotion, “Nothing. Listen! Nothing came easy for me in this life. Everything I had I needed to fight for. Gnaw out like a mad dog, breaking the teeth and trying to chew through all obstacles on my way — human or material. I didn’t care. And you know what? I buried my claws deeper in the human flesh rather than other things and I enjoyed it.”

Martin is overtaken by his memories. They haunted him for a long time and now he lets them out, freeing his mind and soul from their oppressing presence. He continues with passion, “But… Ha… everything I thought worth fighting for was irrelevant. The mere fog that is fading away at the sight of a brighter ray of the sun, running in fear of nonexistence. It is all… the houses I had, the cars I cared so much about, the jewels I traded for the pleasure of possessing another beautiful face, sensual body, and empty eyes — all of it was nothingness and left me when I went broke.”

There were many wars where Martin was marching with the flag of success, recognition, and money. Those were of no true importance. Nothing was left. An emotional lack was reining in his life. The understanding of this truth is torturing and rejuvenating at the same time. His following words prove it:

“Now I know, a skill of commanding love is the only and the biggest blessing in life. To gain it proved to be a Herculean task for me, much harder than to become a millionaire many times over. I had this skill when I was a kid. I lost it when I put money first on my scale of priorities.”

A moment of meaningful silence

Martin sobs, hiding his face in his hands. A moment of meaningful silence. I love this shared minute of wisdom. I never interfere. I let him experience this ocean of new feelings, wave after wave until his lungs can take this emotional fragrance and inhale it greedily, viciously.

Martin continues to open his heart to me and to himself, “I’ve lost everybody who cared about me. Everybody who I thought would be ever-present in my life by some weird universal law and with no effort on my side. Am I the only one who makes such a mistake? I traded Alive for Soulless. They needed me, my love, my attention, and my time. The most valuable things I never shared with my family. Then I thought it was too late.”

Martin was a traveler in a desert. His life was a sandy plain with mirages of abundance and each of them turned out to be another sandstorm that swept away one by one everything real in his life.

They say tears are not words, and words are not tears. Now, sitting by Martin’s bedside, I can tell that tears and words are inseparable. Every word he utters is a drop of regret, love, passion, and compassion, “No. The truth is — I was too proud to ask for forgiveness, too arrogant to make the first move. And now I am alone. They would have been beside me right now if I had been with and for them before. No one will miss me. No one! I have nothing to write on this paper because there is no one you can deliver it to.”

Martin dictates. I write. Now there are no tears to accompany his words. He was obsessed with such a common sickness of possession. He thought luxury could substitute for the warmth of loving humans. Every new object he obtained was draining his soul, making his heart numb — tough like a stone. He lost connection with his wife and son many years ago. I addressed his letter to his now grown-up son.

How you can feel like the richest person in the world

Many people strive for the material advantages of this world with more love of display than good, kind inclinations. When a person reaches his nadir, his impasse — there is no time for playing the ‘Pride in Prejudice’. To lead the idle life of bare-faced money hunting may be good when you’re young and healthy. But what are you going to take with you when time is up?

Money may literally vanish into thin air and you will be left only with people you’ve managed to cherish, and memories you’ve managed to create. Only the things that are burnt into your memory will accompany you on your last stroll in life. Memories that heighten your wisdom in the ‘Good-Deeds’ department will strike a reliving note. And quite the opposite happens if you can only remember a scorching hankering for riches and swallowing people up in an eager rush for it.

What can you do?

Schedule a ‘confessor’ time in your day. Protected from prying eyes by the leafy screen or comfy walls, pay a deserved homage to your thoughts about life and death. Negative the idea of selfishness completely during this time. You’ll feel that ultimately we all love the same things: kind relations, dear caring friends, and innocent creatures.

Don’t let yourself live in a mental fog made of false life-values. Do you perceive the terrible gravity of such existence? Do not be tongue-tied when you talk to yourself and bow pretenses out of your life with an impatient “Tchah!”

The words of kindness and love should occur throughout your self-conversation with the regularity of a leitmotif, and in the nick of time, you will feel yourself the richest person in the world.

Stay tuned…

Mental Health

This Is What Helped Me Cope With The Loss of My Father

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Let me strip life of all that’s unimportant and tell you what’s left

Olya Aman

I am naturally taciturn. After the tragic death of my father, it was easier to get a full version of a Bollywood movie out of my expressive face than speech out of my lips. This peculiar characteristic of mine stays true to me till this day.

Simple life firmly impresses true values upon your memory

My family lived in one of four identical solid wood houses built close to each other for collective farm workers, near a wheat field about a mile from the rest of the villagers. Beautiful flower beds in front of it and a neat looking vegetable garden behind it were the objects of envy and admiration of all the women of the neighborhood. My mother said that it was from her that the village ladies learned to hang linen the ‘right’ way, placing it on a rope grouped by size and color.

Delicious memories of my childhood were made not from the riches but from unconditional love and care of my dear parents. My light heart and bright visions thrived in an atmosphere of slight monetary tightness because the right people were beside me. My mother and father found each other at the humble beginnings of their lives, and their union gave us the brightest bliss that would last a lifetime.

My family was an example of true devotion and love that does not consider poverty a misfortune, but rather a way to be inventive. My father made the best toys out of anything that he could find close to his skilled hands: a piece of wood, a branch from a tree, or a chunk of plastic someone tossed away.

The list can be endless. He made a wooden doll for my sister and presented it dressed in the cutest outfit my mom made from various pieces of cloth. I still have that doll, the dress she wears now is knitted by my crafty hand and the ugly-looking shoes and hat are the results of my niece’s experimentations with threat and a hook.

The whisper of beauty beyond the tomb

My father was a forester, an occupation that barely provided for our family but which he would never change for a more highly paid job, like a combine or a tractor driver. He was on duty going around the encampment spots and making sure no one was abusing the unfortunate forest for its wood, when the sound of a fire alarm brought him home.

The unusually hot summer weather in July 1993 endangered not only forests but all the grass fields of the area. The windy weather made the progress of the wildfire rapid and valiant. The woman and the infant, our next-door neighbors, were sound asleep and hopefully never sensed the pain of a horrible death.

My father entered the house in an attempt to save the mother with her baby. He perished with them.

The memorial service for the three victims of the fire was performed on the same day. My mother became a frequent visitor to the village church and talked a lot with our priest after every Sunday mass.

The priest told her:

“Those who have lived but are no longer with us implore us to step on a road of recovery. You need to continue living under the united care of the love remembered and the love still felt. The marks of grief and regret awaken the health-diminishing powers within. You need to learn contentedness again, even if more from good-mother-nature than from people.”

Father Peter was not only the old and wise priest of our ancient church, but the best friend of my father. Maybe that is why his following words helped my mother to find the strength within to live and to love:

“Material advantages of fortune are lost amid the true treasures of sincere affection. Loving people can lend fresh vigor to your life. The luster of the loving eyes, the brightness of the sincere smile, the beaming of the compassionate soul whisper of beauty beyond the tomb.”

My father’s last words are imprinted in my memory

“Now it is a custom to be fenced from the plants by stone walls as if we have nothing in common with them. It is not enough to simply plant a flower in your house — in this case, it will feel itself a prisoner. It needs to be precisely invited.”

I believe those were the last words my father said to me. He found me struggling with some kind of weed looking plant and sat on bare soil beside. It was so awesome to see him sitting on plane earth. I mean, it was normal for a kid to ignore the caution from adults to put something under your little butt, but for my wise father to do so seemed the coolest thing for a 5-year-old me.

My father was a person who had the vastness of nature to lose himself in. He had internal respect for all the living. He transferred this value to me on the day he said those words. With each passing year, I grow more familiar and confidential with the surrounding scenery. This intimate connection helps me cope with many life trials that are tossed on me. Every time I call up before my mind’s eyes the greenery and fragrance of the fields, mountains, and forests, I lift a dusky curtain of grief inch by inch and recover my balance.

Losing my father stripped life from everything unimportant. Let me tell you what’s left.

My life holds onto family values and support from caring people.

As confused as our existence can be sometimes, only family gives us the heart to cope with all difficulties. I’ve learned to value the power of it. Our devotion and love are gaining in strength with passing time and experienced together challenges. There is no one in this world so close and dear for me as my mother and sister, my husband, and kids. Nothing can disturb the equanimity of my mind because I have the support of loving people.

I welcome love and compassion and let these feelings do their healing deed. Kind communication can always draw a smile from me in the gloomiest time of my life. My family and close friends help me recover my will-power. To be with loving people has something of the divine in it.

Stay tuned…

Personal Growth

5 Ways to Never Be Bored

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O. looked at things in a funny sort of way, even going home from school with her was an intellectual research of a peculiar kind.

Introduction

She was curious about every little thing which made an ordinary spider seem an amazing creature. Her sense of humor made a simple sentence from a school dull textbook an anecdote that made us laugh till stomachache and we often ended up expelled from the class. She always knew what to say at the right moment. I do not think she ever had that notion of coming out with a trenchant response, but the dispute was a week ago. 

Imagination helps to cope with everyday repetitive activities. It gives flexibility to your dreams, form to your ideas, and direction to your actions. Good humor in the face of boring certainty spares you the anguish of delay. You see success in every direction if you accompany your actions with delightful excitement.

1) Collect a Good Bunch of Friends and an Imposing Burst of Laughter

We shared one desk for three consecutive years in 7th, 8th, and 9th grade. These years were the most refreshing from all my school experience. Being best friends while sitting together, we didn’t even talk much neither before no after those years. I believe some people come to our life like a fresh breeze from the sea and as easily go away. They bring that cooling sensation to the skin and mind, fill in the world around with stars you haven’t seen, juicy grass you haven’t touched, and aroma of wild flowers you didn’t pay attention to before.

Do not fail to find words of comfort and encouragement when your friend needs it. That same person will do justice to you when an unfortunate time comes. The depressing influence of loneliness brings a grim look on everything. Joyous laugh in a good company makes you feel untiring. And a constant repetition that is going on in life will not be able to disquiet you when a warm company is present. 

2) Wrap Your Senses in New Fresh Sensations

Being a shy teenager, I came to be boisterous with her. She used to shake any mishap rather as a terrier shakes himself with ease and grace. The moment I used to start to complain about being bored she would raise her voice so either by hook or by crook I had to hear what she was going to fire on me. “What the-dickens, did you imagine this thing dull? Let me put you wise how things are,” she used to say in Agatha Christie’s perfect traditions way. And in a telegraphic manner she recounted the same events I was perfectly aware of, but word by word her interpretation served to whet my curiosity to hear more and learn her version of the same scene.

Give a new turn to your thoughts and senses. Decorate your days with fresh sensations. Open your eyes to see the scenery around you. You need to tear away the veil of monotony that obscures your view. With a deeply positive turn of mind your cheerfulness will be growing bigger by the moment.

3) Let the Faintest Thing Amuse You

The simplest pleasure was a trip home from school in her company. Every time adjusting the root O. brought a different perspective to the view I used to consider established. I became a fan of a village humble life when I saw back allies and sheds along an earth road, the smell of fresh cow’s milk and newly cut grass, potholes of rainwater with flashes of the afternoon sun in them. I had half a mind she had some magic stick in her sleeve as every time she managed to show me something new in a place I considered completely explored a long time ago. O. helped me to learn how to break some routine behavior and recharge my mind so that it starts to function in a manual mode rather than living on autopilot.

Habit is rust that eats through steel. It can be the most dangerous thing in the universe. Often it denies the possessor from the joy of seeing the beauty of life when you look it in the face.

Little pleasurable moments appear as merely part of the background if you do not pay attention. Let small things find an echo in your soul. This will help you to kill the dullness. Do not receive life gruffly, bear philosophically the rain and wind, and smile to the sun and breeze. 

4) Venture Dreaming and Achieve an Inner Burning Desire

I remember on one occasion when we decided to have a day off school, my mom at that time trusted me with such decisions, as I used reason explaining why the history lesson and coming right after the one on physical education ccould be missed, and the time could be employed with so much more profit at home getting ready for some interesting project or other.

O. came to my place, most likely not letting her parents know that she was going NOT to school, and we had an interesting conversation about our plans for the future. Time suited perfectly as we were in the 9th grade when a lot of students decide to enter a world of professional education and leave school behind. I was still in black on what to do with my life, but I thought my idea of O.’s future was clear enough. So, I laid out a plan for her life adopting her way of telegraphic speech. I said: “Future is flexible. Project it in your mind. Start acting today. Make your dreams come true. You want to share how you see things. So, do it.”

I used to outwear through the books about the power of attraction and considered myself an expert in those things, so my language flourished with affirmations like ‘thought vibrations’, ‘energy’, ‘manifestation’ and the like. She said she wanted to break from the strong hold of her parents rather sooner than later and would rather go to college that year. We’ve looked through the list of opened professions and picked newspaper editor, radio host, and TV host. Although, I’ve lost sight of her when she left school that year, for some reason I was almost sure she succeeded to fulfill our plan for her future. But to learn for a fact what became of her I managed only very recently.

Give free play to your imagination. Turn your life into a romance with the flexible flow of your dreams. Bend a listening ear to the faintest lovely vision. And a sudden fit of joyful spirits will come over you. You should hear yourself repeating, like a man conversing with yourself about his bright future. 

5) Rush to Attack Your Dreams with Plans and Actions

Since the time of my move abroad I stopped following the development of television life. I find myself watching some show or other only when I visit my parents. A year ago, I happened to stumble on a TV program which the first time in many years gave me a vague desire to put a huge cinema set in my apartment when I get back home just to be able to see the landscapes of my native country in that interpretation. The notion that the voice behind the camera was painfully familiar almost tickled me to death, and I tried to rack my brain in vain hopes to remember where I’d heard it before. What my amusement was when I read the name of my school friend in the movie ending credits.

O. was in her yarn being a well-known journalist that traveled the country and showed the ordinary life of simple people in her signature TV show. I knew her medical family wanted her to continue the family tradition, and I’m happy she finally did what she was intended to even against her relatives’ wishes. She might not have confidence at the time in the success of that new plan we drafted, but she was stubborn enough to act without the belief, knowing that faith would pave the way from words to the heart later, over time. Her bold determination opened the door to her dream life. The one in which she can share her inexhaustible resource of vigor that always was contagious to the ones around her. The way she chose to spend her life proved to be the best as now she could reach more people, showing them the way how to look at the familiar scenery in a new refreshed way.

Your customary activity may fatigue you, do not lose yourself in this dreary feeling. Add sunlight to your days by planning things you like. Schedule steps that will get you closer to something you like. 

Restore your energy with an activity that always makes you feel good. It may be a desire to shoot your own movie, a dream of your own book published, or simply a refreshing vacation. Enjoy making plans and start implementing those little by little. 

Conclusion

Even now many years after when the ongoing every day routing becomes unbearable and the feeling that everything should be turned upside-down immediately – for example, I crave to bring down the sky to the earth and see what happens – then simple delight can be found for me in choosing a different route to a known place so that life can be seen through the eyes of new impressions, spooning with mysterious turn in an unusual place, holding hands with a randomly picked way that leads only home. A minor change in things that used to be boring repaints those in fresh colors and it comes to be an interesting task to observe familiar repeated life so recently you’ve been fed up with.  

A dull, dreary life is an impossibility and can exist only in the minds of people. If you want to be a true master of yourself you need to rule over your thoughts first and foremost. The imminent danger of boredom is a possible condition of clinical depression. You need to take every precaution that is possible to add a cheerful touch to your daily life. The wearing elements can be great, but if you let yourself to be every now and then lost in dreamy wonderings, you will feel like an air of ease is winning the mastery. 

Stay tuned…

Mental Health

Great Power of Strong Feelings That Will Uplift or Dispirit You

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Telling lies is a wicked habit. Once mastering this vice, you stop to be sincere even to yourself – Olya Aman

Love 

D. used to be a cheerful boy who was rushing into childish sorrow and joy, both with the same zeal. He got strongly carried away and stoically endured failures. He got sick with many childhood illnesses in succession: broke his arm in a skating rink, fell through the frail April ice one time, and once almost died from anaphylactic shock. No one was truly worried about him or tried to protect him because the safety margin he possessed was truly inhumane. It was very likely the result of love everybody bestowed on him which was accumulated over his childhood.

Even a faint glimmering of love changes the way a person feels. The coming day seems brighter, any gloom is relieved with the warmth of sincere affection. With love in your heart you can bravely elbow your way through the thickest of the life troubles. On looking intently forward, the future seems hopeful with this rejuvenating feeling inside.

Companionship 

Kids can be cruel in their antipathy as much as they can be passionate about friendship. D. didn’t know the taste of opposition, as we all do now and then. He seemed to be an exception – a pet to every girl, a confidante to every boy, and a favorite to every adult. Plump and rosy-cheeked as a baby, he was skinny and pale when a toddler and a teen. Always cheerful but never laughing out loud, he appeared to always know how to behave and what to say to a party of elderly people or a group of children of any age.

Friendly social circle puts heart in us. As if eating the healthiest and most nourishing food, compassionate touch and heartfelt conversation with the person that cares about you, empower you physically and emotionally. The equanimity of your mind is preserved with the help of friendly people. In the nature of all things, friends are more costly than any possible luxuries in life.

Appreciation

D’s family lived in a three-story apartment building across the road from me. His balcony located on the first floor faced the front gate of our house and I used to observe him through our sun room’s picture window watering the flowers or playing with his cat. We used to exchange our own silent language and meet on a neutral territory just outside the entrance to his stairwell. Gathering the rest of our kids’ company we played picture cards or staged some play or other for grownups from the area. We drafted specific invitations as our performances were popular and we liked the idea of choosing the audience. 

D. was a source of endless ideas for costumes or the dialogue’s comical language. His sense of humor was superb, and laughter accompanied every act. I thought he would make a lead actor or a director in the theater world or even the cinema. His ability to change the timbre and depth of his voice, coming now from the upper part of vocal cords and then from his chest, fascinated me. D. used to easily memorize all parts and could improvise, always saving the scene when someone forgot their lines by mumbling the words of an unfortunate fellow in a funny sort of way, slightly opening a corner of his mouth and making the rest of his facial features unusually steady.

The wealth of recognition opens up our inner resources. If your vanity is duly gratified, a multitude of opportunities strives to be revealed to your judgment. Burning ambition is flourishing in the environment of appreciation, and it drives a person to move forward with his dreams.

Self-Belief 

We all used to think his never-ending source of energy and ideas would be like an immortal all- present sun, that only in cloudy weather could not be seen, but everybody knew still existed in our sky. When he got sick, no one paid attention to this fact and considered any misfortune in his path as a slightly darkened forecast for the day: we might not see him today, but tomorrow the sun will rise again as it always did before. And true to this expectation, he woke up the next morning and went out to the balcony with his hand bandaged or his head wrapped. We loved him at those moments more than anyone. It seemed the memory of yesterday without his joyful spirit was sunless. 

With voluntary self-assurance no hardship will hang about you for a long time. In this state you know that troubles cannot last forever and by degrees, life will get better. The belief in this axiom attracts positive vibes and favorable circumstances follow along. Self-confidence encourages prosperity.

Fear

But one thing finally broke that love-shielding wall that I’m sure protected him, and that jolly spirit perished with it. On one occasion coming home from school D. was stopped by a gypsy woman and driven by curiosity he let her take his hand. She predicted his death from a fall. Yes. So silly: no particulars of any sort, just a silly woman saying a silly thing out of spite just to scare a boy out of his wits. But his passionate nature disserved him this time and he was carried away by that nonsense. The look in his eyes changed gradually: happy sprinkles of yellow on a watery green iris gave way to gloomy brown ripples almost swallowing the rest of the palette of his eye. His countenance, full of lifeblood, had undergone the transformation into a shadow-like version of himself. His paleness was not noble anymore. Rather it was unwell, and his tiny frame gave the impression of some disposition or other.

Self-Doubt

From that time every disease he suffered from drained the life out of him drop by drop. There was a sickening flavor about him that made one think of misfortunes, bad luck, and weakness. That unfortunate prophecy stole the charisma that D. undoubtedly possessed and the admiration we all felt towards him yielded to the force of death that obsessed his mind and changed his looks drastically to the worse.

He constantly repeated that crazy woman’s words, which resulted in an alien personality he started to wear, thinking somebody else’s thoughts about his life in constant fear of a fall. He came to be one of those unfortunate people that always look back on others with dread, nervously trying to read everybody’s thoughts, expecting them to pity him and disliking them for that. He desperately needed someone else’s sympathy, approval, and love. He had all of it in abundance when he was able to give his cheerful smile in return. When a gloomy mood possessed him, any positive feedback from outside was forever lost.

The injurious effect of self-doubt is enormous. It aggravates everything about life. You simply give vent to misfortunes when you allow yourself to lack confidence. Everything takes a longer walk, you simply have no power to alleviate the sinking of your soul and spirit.

Stress

At the age of 14 D. withered as a flower pulled from its soil. It was a minor cold that killed him afterward. Many think though, that he was dead long before that illness took his final breath. Dread of everything that life is – trials and failures, meetings and partings, praise and hearsay – was a murderous weapon that made the final shot. The memory of his awe-inspiring cheerful nature that reserved everybody’s favorable attitude towards him was a red cloth that made him furious when he saw the change in people that truly was only his own nervy and stressful alteration, reflection of which he saw in others.

In a state of stress you are creeping away in life, with cautious steps making your slow advancement. Cold and cheerless days without sunlight and fragrance are your destiny if you let emotional strain oppress you. You need to be careful with things that distress you. Many things are omitted and a lot is forgotten when your mind is pressured with negative thoughts.

Conclusion

D. used to be a champion in any undertaking and even a failure served as a source of energy, adding more experience and a higher chance of being victorious next time. 

When he came to be a poor victim of a senseless lie people stopped taking him seriously but that was just the result of his lack of confidence in himself. The world with death being an integral part of it was a poisonous place for him. That prophecy doomed him to live a life of fear. That dread became his daily companion and, being a jealous nasty thing, deprived him of friends. 

When you do not fear anybody, you can handle any judgment people make about you, taking no interest in what kind of esteem they hold you in. The brave spirit of an adventurer reigns in your life and you take risks and come out winning most of the time.  

People will always crave company, understanding, and love. The one who is not able to give love will lose the resource of it that everybody congenitally possesses and hopefully accumulates through life. Love needs to be given to enlarge its dimensions and quantity. Kept inside, it grows moldy, turning green of jealousy, then gray of greed, and finally, the dark color of hate paves its way.

Stay tuned…

Personal Growth

A Beast Bit My Face and Changed Me For the Better

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My face is different. But ‘different’ doesn’t always mean ‘worse’

Olya Aman

I was shocked and, due to that, felt no pain at first. People were shouting and gesturing to one another, trying to figure out how to distract the furious beast. Somehow, I do not recollect exactly how it was pulled from me. The man who helped me in an old blue ‘Zhiguli’ and drove to the village dispensary and later to the nearest town hospital was the owner of the dog. In the hospital, I got nine stitches in four places on my face.

The doctor that performed the work of reconstructing my face did not know about cosmetic stitching. He simply decided the way he would do it was going to be sufficient. During the procedure, I concentrated on his deep, fine-tuned voice. To listen to him was like drinking warm ginger tea on a frosty winter day, and very likely it served as the best anesthetic for me. His work was not bad, just not good.

I have the scars, one is very visible, and people often ask about it. I consider it a part of my unique personality. I like my face. I love myself the way God created me and the way life, not always gentle, adjusted the sacred work.

Thoughts about my mother, her loving face darkened by suffering because of the incident, overpowered the fear of thread, needle, and pain. And even during the recovery, when the only recollection of the event made me shake with uncontrollable sobbing — the result of a great fright — I tried to compose myself with enormous energy. One glance at my mother’s eyes with a distinct element of worry pulled me together, and I did my best to laugh.

Providence is often a cruel teacher. The life-threatening experience I went through was there to spirit me for what was before to come. I had bad days, but not too many. I had loss enough, but too much. Although, I feel completely miserable at times, I do my best to not feel depressed, rather unite the best blessings of my nature and learn to be a gainer in every situation.

Sometimes I think, I am made practically entirely from one heart, and often it thinks itself far too clever and shuts the rational mind up. But it did me a good service so far by helping me to get over emotionally and physically painful moments.

3 Lessons I Learned

  • Painful experience often is the strongest building block of a prominent personality.
  • Everything happens for a reason and your inner and outer looks depend on it.
  • Moments of struggle open the best (or the worst) in people.

I didn’t react to those unfortunate circumstances with deliberate self-pity. I thought of my mother and not of myself. From then on, my desire to give overpowers the desire to take. Lack of selfishness gives me the strength to withstand many of life’s calamities.

Whatever happens, I only need to understand how things are and accept the change, because ‘different’ doesn’t always mean ‘worse’.

Stay tuned…

Personal Growth

Become a Sweet Killer Each Time You Converse With a Person

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Find charming weapons in your posture, gestures, and mimic

You must possess a great deal of inner strength to fight for your true essence. – Olya Aman

Experienced the poison of my own personality reflected and redirected at me when I was eight.

We were sitting on a balcony on the 6th floor of a nine-story quiet building and shelling peas when the boy, my distant cousin, the exact relation of whom I am not able to disclose, promised to marry me once we grew up. He was 6 years old, I think, and for me, that was the main obstacle to matrimony. I couldn’t bear my husband being a whole 2 years younger than me.

The boy was petite and skinny, dressed according to the latest style with a modern haircut. His eyes were flickering like quiet water at the bottom of the well. I don’t remember his name, only the electrified tenderness from the combination of sounds that caressed the roof of my mouth.

I used to be a shy girl and I couldn’t imagine anybody might take a liking to me. This first occasion indulged my vanity and coupled with that raised right eyebrow and light tilt of the head to the left made magic. He unconsciously copied all my gestures, like the one of bringing the tips of my fingers together in a thoughtful manner.

That skill of sweet murderous attraction (and my distant cousin undoubtedly possessed it) sometimes takes ages to master. By listening with all six senses, adding full awareness to this mutual process of comprehension, and giving yourself in full to the moment of wisdom, you may be highly rewarded by obtaining a grateful and affectionate friend.

Unfortunately, the relation, if any, was very distant and I haven’t seen my first admirer for many years. Our encounter lasted about 4 hours and was limited by that romantic adventure with peas.

However, the ability to see, or rather to sense with your entire body the inner rhythm of any living being could be a curse rather than a blessing. One day about six years ago when I visited M. I met a good-looking man at my sister’s place. What struck me was the familiar flickering in his eyes. “I’ve already seen that watery gray color somewhere”, I thought.

His wife was a big woman with unusually dainty ankles. She had a style about her, and I could almost call her dazzling but for her loud voice, just a touch above average, with an expression of power and force in it.

Magnetism seemed to radiate from her, and it outshone her husband completely. They both made a curious movement of their shoulders when being introduced to me. At the dinner table she talked a lot and each time her husband wanted to add something, she interrupted him deprecatingly. It looked like she didn’t care even two straws about him when he was completely determined to obey her in every way.

This man was lost in his wife’s charisma, modeling her movements and intonations in vain hope to be heard by the object of his admiration. It can be easier for a person like that to vanish in search of identity and never discover the true self within.

This encounter made me think

1) Enigmatic individuality.

A child, when born, is a little unique flourish. Growing up, he still seats apart from the rest of humankind in the secret tower of his individuality. Looking down at the world and people around, he longs to be accepted and gradually loses the sharpness of his personality.

2) Ability to listen and ask questions.

Every movement is marked by your personal touch when you are relaxed and free from any outside influence. It is, though, hard to always feel comfortable when people are around. You stay conscious of the opinion of others, trying to read their minds and predict reactions to your next words and actions.

How can you keep your composed self and, at the same time, be conscious of the presence around? Indeed, with more self-confidence and less opinion-dependence, you will be completely fulfilled as a personality.

3) The art of attracting attention.

Your vitality and easy confidence of manner flourish when you add to your skill-set and ability to attract people. This is a learned art, and everyone can master it with enough desire and persistence. Sincere appreciation and willingness to understand always help to establish contact with anyone.

People are like parallel straight lines, and they meet only when willing to incline to each other. Some people are more parallel than most, which can be a challenge. You either need to savor this or seek a way to make them curve in your direction.

4) Dominance with body language.

Your body language grants you with an attitude of indolent grace if you listen with it. We should never take the process of communication for granted. It is a talent almost all species have, and we are gifted beyond anyone.

Invest your time in every conversation fully. Listen with your eyes, ears, and posture, and your presence will become irradiation of any gathering.

5) Mastering personality can teach you the skill.

It is a stroke of great luck to meet a virtuoso in any field. Such people go through life in a never-ending state of self-improvement. It is axiomatic that such people are great resources for valuable information. Feeble envy, in this case, is a motivation to record useful knowledge and implement it to your advantage.

Surround yourself with strong, intelligent people. They represent all the vast conscious world of the best in men. Strive to be on the same level.

Final thoughts

Some people possess that engaging gracefulness that makes them forever moving around other people. They seem to be fed by attention and admiration. And if the energy from others is not present in their life, they fade away. That happened with my distant cousin. He was desperately in love and lost himself in this feeling. I’m sure he engaged all his inner resources to win this beautiful and vigorous woman. When done and married, he disappeared, became her shadow.

Don’t make this mistake. The atmosphere of your unique inner strength should be your main source of energy. That state is obtained only if you are in love with yourself. This way if you are forced to stay for some time in your own universe with only you for a company, this experience becomes enriching.

Life can be cruel in its passionate desire to come true, where one theaters an exciting play, changing himself on the go to satisfy the need to be like others. While the other lives in the earnest struggle to protect his individuality. It is easier to continue one’s way by adopting a false personality — effort takes time and energy.

You must possess a great deal of inner strength to fight for your true essence, and most often the reality around you is a rival, not an ally.

Stay tuned…