3 Reasons to Compete Against Yourself

August 18, 2019 Olya Aman 25 Comments

Self-Competition Is a Gambit in a Self-Development Game

Introduction

Rustling, quickly-moving, clear-voiced, V. was extravagant and a little disquieting. Large, square face and little grayish eyes – there was nothing soft or gracious about her. Up to everything and down on herself, V. was a splendid actress but didn’t quite believe in it herself. She formed the habit of sticking pins into her dignity and this venerable instrument of her nature was suffering immensely. I always felt an impulse to pull out the pins, they did inflict so much damage on V’s vulnerable personality, and I believed she could make a better use of her sharpness.

Her conversation was of a sort that gave a large license to originality and wittiness. But she accused herself of not being like some other beautiful and successful actress (who AGAIN got a part in a movie she was auditioned for) – and that competition she was constantly in with others heated me so that it almost scorched.

Some Interior (self) and Exterior (with others) Competition is like a bad and a good joke – one is amusing to everybody you care about and whose opinion matters to you, and the other is funny only to outsiders, people of the world in which you have no place of your own. An infinity of malicious amusement lurks in those who compare themselves to others instead of finding enough will to meet the metrics and values that suit them. Because to win in Exterior Competition is possible but the reward, whatever it is, won’t do one any good.

Imagine fighting in a war for a foreign government – you end up on a winning side, the country is rejoicing, dividing treasures, lands, and you … you go home with empty hands in ill-fitted uniform and no one cares about your heroic deeds in your homeland. And why would they? You didn’t fight for theirs (you got it – YOURS) freedom.

The noble war against your rivals (negative behavior, harmful habits, pessimistic thinking, procrastination, etc.) is never ending and always self-satisfactory. You win one battle and right away plan another strategic military attack on your own chosen enemies, transforming them into your comrades on a way to a better-future-you. Every victory is adding more confidence and vitality, indolent grace and ease, charm and charisma, and with every year you look far more experienced and at the same time far more youthfully alive.

Turn on the Niagara of the Infinite Change. Determine ‘What’ to Confront.

Goodness only knew how far from the truth V.’s self-understanding was. She looked down at the world through sharply evaluating everything eyes. She was somehow always out of spirits and her life was punctuated by little and big disappointments. She lived in a constant state of competition-stupidity with others and the only salvation I could see was to recharge her self-esteem, and to redirect her competitive spirit on herself.

We live and learn, experience pain and pleasure, establish relationships and break up bridges – we change. Having made this pronouncement I want to emphasize that the modification ‘to the better’ or ‘to the worse’ lies entirely with us. Like a ship you can choose to move along a sleek and oily swell that leads nowhere or a bumpy troubled sea that will get you to a wonderful shore with a marvelous view.

The process is most likely arduous and exhilarating but the result is always pyrotechnical – and when one colorful transformation takes place you cannot help waiting, open-eyed and alert, for the next one. Change to the better-future-you is fascinating, and it demands to be continued once started.

1) Procrastination

The winter of 2017 was the toughest in V.’s life. She lost her father (her mom died two years prior) and being the only child, she was now left alone. My voice was hoarse and weary with preaching the weekend I spent with her. I came to console and pull her out of that misery she thrashed herself into, willingly and almost gladly, taking that as an excuse to her apathy and lack of desire to fight her way in life.

The battle with procrastination is simply a development of magic. You stop the baa-baa business of excuses and make an action. Deeds not words are the man’s first and most grandiose invention. With directed activity, you can create a whole new universe of your own. Charge yourself with envy to a Tomorrow-You, endow yourself with passions and faculties of your inner stronger personality that was waiting for the privilege to come up front and pronounce the sentence of power and will. A lizard person should rapidly shoot up into a lion person – that power resides in every one of us.

2) Negligence

I kicked all the clothes off the bed and chairs, made V. get up and look in the mirror. Her ears didn’t play her false – I was not very picky with words when like a policeman arresting the flow of traffic I held my hand to keep her silent and listen to the voice of reason. She popped back in self-care immeasurably during the weeks spent in her deserted family dwelling. And she had clapped the door shut behind self-love and respect long before that happened. Being almost oracular in painting symbolical pictures of TRUE success through TRUE completion I made the atmosphere palpitate, and at the end of my tirade her smile was irradiation and the best reward I could ever ask for.

3) Negative Behavior

V. had a habit of talking to herself in a mocking and resentful key. And I made a goal to change it during the week we spent together in a Turkish all-inclusive hotel by the sea. This trip, that I almost forced her to agree to accompany me to, was a transformation therapy that I prescribed to my friend. My voice sounded and sounded in her ears with the insistence of mechanical noise when I went on and on in continuous expressions of love and beauty, serenity and benevolence, exquisiteness and originality of her personality.

‘How’ to Be Busily Engaged in Self-Competition and Enjoy It

I made my best to instill in V. envy to her better-future-self, substituting the raving and displeasing desire to be somebody else. Only when she took herself and the choices she made in an axiomatic loving and respecting manner was she able to call her life her own. And starting from this turning point any defects, that she had in her own eyes, became goals – a way to flawless crystal image of her future self.

1) Be Guided by Self-Love

It was worth the trouble of looking at and admiring my renewed friend. When V. stopped her bleating, bellowing, and neighing her features started to express intense intelligence which brought her self-respect back to her eyes and self-love back to her heart. Now the atmosphere about her sent a cheerful warmth and a suggestion of comfort and ease. Her loving heart spoke to her and to others. Every intercourse was amiable because positive expectation was in the air.

2) Be Led by a True Idol

V. was wrongly choosing idols from a famous Hollywood crowd, and that was a definite failure and a pointless race that painfully oppressed her heart. This false competition like an ill-made overcoat made her look ill-fitted to life. People liked her description by others better than they liked her because no one could hear her own conversation, those were only words expected, gestures already made by someone else, and expressions approved by the mirror.

When the wind of self-respect and self-love started to blow in her sails V. became a capital person to be around and to listen to. Every human being has his shell, and her shell was her vocabulary and the whole envelope of her sharp mind. Now she was brave to be different, courageous to disagree, bold to self-express, and daring to call her-future-self the best person in the world.

Do not write your life in a variety of strange hands rather than using your own. You do this when you get into external competition. It squeezes you into insignificance when you try to be someone else instead of finding your own way, style, amplua. The only hero you should be obsessed with is ‘you-tomorrow’. There is an inspiration in this strive, you grasp at pleasure and fail to get a complete hold of it as it always gets bigger and a little farther from your reach. It remains possible and impossible at the same time. And this game is never ending which makes life a fascinating experience.

3) Be Directed by Positive Criticism and Hones Praise

V. was able to unite the intrinsic (love to herself) and extrinsic (praise and criticism) advantages and became an extraordinary personality, the one that you can drink like a healthy cocktail and never have enough of the precious taste and benefits. She found the best acting teacher in a stand-up women’s comedy show. People praised her, and she rejoiced, friends criticized sometimes, and she was grateful. She started as an out-of-stage minor character and won her way to a leading actress participating in every show in her best disguise – never rudely present, always profitably clever and wisely funny. Everything she did or said was up to the most intelligent unoffensively critical and humorous way. Ingenious people loved her, and slightly shallow minds didn’t understand and avoided her – and that was just the price for being true – likable and not so much, lovable and not so much, respected and always so.

Conclusion

Woe to those who dream of what others have and fail to see the potential in themselves. Competition with others runs you into a blind alley. It takes the truth and love to present to you an internal competition anew. To be guided by things meaningful for you is like an invocation to a sacred beauty that awaits you on this way. The world is made small if you busy yourself with the faults of other people. When you overcome your fears and strive to be better than you were yesterday – the world enlarges by your presence. Living in this state you are never in repose but forever in flight. You arrest yourself for a moment when you reach one goal and continue an endless way to a better-you. Every move you make is a smile not a sigh. The vision of ‘you-tomorrow’ should be intoxicating and reviving.

Stay tuned…

Mental Health

My Encounter With Energy Vampires and Protective Techniques I’ve Learned

August 18, 2019 Olya Aman 24 Comments

Now I know how to spot, understand, and survive

Do not lock yourself in the secret tower of your deafness and muteness when a danger to be drained by a vampire presents itself. – Olya Aman

I became a member of ‘Pen-Friends’ club, aspiring authors of my little countrified and old-fashioned town in the spring of 2011.

There wasn’t a nerve in me this experience hadn’t twisted. It wrongs my heart to think that one of my books was so close to being buried in the coffin of a negatively false critic. The true nature of this club made me shiver with repulsion, sell my house, and change my address.

Hunting in the Night

I always loved reading and had a great natural aptitude for creating fascinating stories. I finished my book and its manuscript burned my fingers. When a friend of mine offered to spend a long winter night reading and discussing it in a company of like-minded people, I rejoiced and agreed with delight. Little that I knew what it would make me fear for the sanity of my mind and the soundness of my body.

Energy vampires prevent you from keeping your body and emotional state in health. There is nothing like a cheerful mind to stay sound and strong against any life challenge. Vampires defy positive and happy people to the teeth and do their best to wipe out the smile off their faces.

Dracula #1 — The Narcissist

We always met on the dark side of twilight and the owner of the house welcomed everyone with an uncompromising face, hard diction, and vibrating consonants. Dracula #1 was as crisp, new, and comprehensive as the first issue of a book before the folding in a cover. And from top to toe he had no misprint. But when I looked thoughtfully enough, I saw a person who admitted nothing and down faced everybody but himself.

If he could not out-argue me on the point of the value of my book, he bullied me and took my silence for agreement with his views.

A Narcissist Energy Vampire‘s face is decorated with a constant sign of grandiosity, a lack of empathy, and a craving for admiration. Such a person will collect his arrogance, self-centeredness, and ‘ME-first’ philosophy and hurl them into your face.

Dracula #2 — The Victim

Dracula #2 was very easy to sympathize with, but it was not at all easy to be of any help. She was apt to carry her head thrust forward and somewhat down in an imploring attitude as if she was looking to any available advice. But as soon as you offered one, she adopted a highly tragic and devoured by remorse air. Dracula #2 was not willing to listen, not looking for the solution, enjoying the attention, blooming only when complaining, and rejecting any possible solution.

In her company, my brains got so dry that I almost lost my wits. She made me feel sorry for the lack of inspiration, imagination, and confidence in her life.

Victim Vampires dwell in the enormous mileage of suffering, low self-esteem, and lack of self-responsibility. They will fill you with guilt, blaming your actions and behavior for every negative aspect in their lives.

Dracula #3 — The Passive-Aggressive

Dracula #3 hated the world and its inhabitants with a quiet smile on his rather handsome face. No one looked half so tranquil among this group. In his company, I suffocated from the toxic energy that saturated from his whole being. I flatted myself that he had got a tough nut to crack, but little by little he made me begin a new record of angry self-doubts.

With Passive-Aggressive Vampires, a thing promised is never a thing done. There is no way to make them speak directly and about the matter at hand. They always jump on the negative side of things but will not admit it to anybody.

Dracula #4 — The Drama Addict

Dracula #4 looked like an Arabian sheik with his snow-white beard and frosty sparkling eyes. He was a high-class expert in the art of making people cross with each other, cry to the deaf ears of opponents, and crash nearby loudly smashable objects.

Spending just a few moments near this person, I felt rather erased, blotted out from the healthy realm of normal life. He fed upon the lives of others, and to amuse himself he used a special scheme of telling lies and spreading slough scandal about people he knew.

Melodramatic Energy Vampires make you agonizingly conscious of the ‘catastrophes’ all over the world that you otherwise would not know about. They make up in drama around what they lack in their lives.

Dracula #5 — The Guilt Tripper

Dracula #5 had her hour of victory when with malicious intention she made me believe she was a trustworthy friend. And when my heart was open, she triumphantly ended any amicable intercourse, exchanging it to a pretentious smile. She invented various scenarios to make me feel sorry for the things I’d done and confided to her. Her sudden transformation was the major reason that raced my shadow away from my hometown.

Guilt Trippers have no sense of proportion when it comes to pressing your insecurity buttons. They want to imprison their misery in a false sense of power and control by blaming you for every misfortune in their life. Inventing this manipulative business, they make you do what they want.

Dracula #6 — The Splitter

Dracula #6 was very handy with tools to separate and make people jealous. She found the way to spread vile gossips about me and my boyfriend. The entire scene with my lover was an unutterable mixture of tragedy and pathos.

Splitter Vampires seek relief from their loneliness in making other people unhappy. They waste their time in the imbecile routines that go by the name of divorce and separation. It is axiomatic for them that people in a union cannot live in contentment.

Dracula #7 — The Criticizer

Dracula #7 was not tall, but he carried his head so haughtily that he looked a commanding figure and there was something cunning and sharp in the look of his closely set little grey eyes. He disapproved of every attempt of my authorship experimentations in his engaging, deep, and a little husky voice.

I almost lost an ability to think under a tyranny of his pressing personality. He reasoned well and was driving at making me doubt my book and forsake an idea to publish it.

Judgmental Vampires are virtuosos in making rude comments, judge your decisions, talking about wrongs and ‘bads’ and saying nothing nice. Being close to these people will make you feel small and ashamed for no reason.

Dracula #8 — The Fixer

After a while, I got restless as one did under the heat of a sultry summer day. Dracula #8’s advice seemed so easy to follow and never fixed anything, rather made me cease to think about my problems and let them grow and multiply till I could not close my eyes on them anymore.

Peculiar charm and vividness of her sweet talk made one forget the important meeting, skip the urgent payment, let the important opportunity leave your grip. She had a great stock of excuses that I could easily borrow with no charge but self-reproach in ex post facto manner.

Fixer or Controller Vampires walk in your life without knocking and start controlling and dictating what you supposed to do and how you are expected to feel. They do not quite put their finger on the opinions you have, because they always have their own — and those are indisputable.

Strategies for Survival

In a company of these people, I became almost not real anymore. This wretched book club made me forget all my responsibilities toward my family and friends. They had been quite ‘blowing my trumpet’ to win my confidence at the beginning. And at the end, I became a person on which they exercised their revolting abilities to drain and drench.

That was a lesson to learn and never to be forgotten. I learned to stay positive no matter what happened, and what others thought about me. Now nothing can shake the step of my intellectual pace. I believe in myself and in people I love and care about.

Assess your emotional capacity and strengthen it.

Your understanding of yourself should be a gambit in the game of life. Self-reflect with genius and do not let self-love be a theoretical feeling — do that in earnest. Only this way you will know how much of a particular person you can take. A privilege to choose what and whom to let into your life reserved to you alone.

Determine how much of a threat to you the energy vampire is.

Determine what kind of a threat is in front of you and how much of it you can take. If you still feel that your head aches, your dry sleepless eyes feel as though they were bruised from behind, and the blood is beating within your ears — the intercourse with some person was too much and you need to remove the danger.

Vampire identification.

It doesn’t quite come home to these drainers that the entire world does not revolve around them. They seem somewhat afraid of responsibility and are in constant search for victims to put the weight of it on. One distinguishable feature of their personalities is a pessimistic approach to life.

The decision to make.

Has it flashed upon your vision that we attract in our lives what we haven’t improved in ourselves? Once you embrace with strong arms the issues in yourself, address them, work through — you will feel the fragrance of freedom. Every ‘Dracula’, deprived of the opportunity to prey on you, will leave you in peace searching for a more drainable victim.

Recognize when you’re being drained by an energy vampire. Take control of your nervous organization, follow your breathing, visualize a shielding barrier, a buffer zone, where no negative influence can penetrate.

Stay tuned…

Personal Growth

Why Social Media Overtakes the World

August 18, 2019 Olya Aman 26 Comments

“I want to have memories that are realities and are better than anything that can ever happen to anyone”, said P. in a husky, breathy voice, and stole cautiously towards the house.

Introduction

P. always had a real aesthetic passion for antiquity. He bought a house, magnificent and terribly incommodious. It was offered at a great bargain. He was working tooth and nail to pay the bills. Now this property was out of danger. But there was time when he almost lost it… and himself.

P. was tall, lean, loosely and feebly put together. His face was ugly, sickly grayish color. But it was a charming face – he looked clever and ill. His blazing eyes were beautiful. In his three-and-seventy he stepped in his life with the eager nimbleness of a boy. The time when he was seven-and-fifty, ruined in spirit, body, and monies had been far away but not forgotten.

1) Early Days and Struggles

His success was not rapid and had much of the inoffensiveness of failure. He was kind when he needed to be cruel, generous when life asked for frugality, emotional and quick-tempered when patience and reserve were at stake.

The house was too much for him in many ways. Too expensive, too big, too ugly, too isolated, too everything. It had an Elizabethan flavor about it and served as another nail in the ancient coffin of his financial troubles. Still, it became his salvation, ruining him and reviving anew. It was the sunshine of his life and he protected it with volcanic energy.

You need the push and self-assertiveness to get ahead in professional life.

When a great natural aptitude for your business is in you, you are never as happy as when you do what you’ve been created for. Often, one needs many years and struggles to find the very thing one likes. In the course of working life, one parts with many illusions. The stories of success help the faculty of being interested in life from becoming worn out. There are many wonderful people, true people, and getting to know them virtually or personally is like going to a revival meeting and being converted to a success creed.

2) Close to Devastation

P.’s nature was the one that improved under strain that would kill a weaker person. He realized his mistake in buying this place but in ex post facto manner. He got into a financial pit and lost everything. He didn’t feel weepy, drying up the springs of regret in his heart. All faculties of his mighty brain were thrown into a struggle to find a way to get his dear home back. He could not see himself full and contented without it. One can pity such devotion towards a soulless thing, but he had a heart big enough to hold the love for the building, and the bodies occupying it and sharing his devotion. His wife seldom lost sight of the fact of him being so passionate about it. She interrupted his life with friendship and observed it with love, so he never had lack of affectionate emotion coming from a dear soul.

They stayed in the house waiting for the order to desert it. He couldn’t even think about the need to part with his dear soulless friend. His brain was all in a whirl, looking for the quick way to set them all at ease. Prior to that time, P. worked days and nights to keep it warm and cozy for his family. He had no chance to enjoy the luxury of staying in it long enough to warm his heart. The truck business he owned was calling his attention. When the first heavy snowfall left him in debt, three of his trucks broken and the forth offered as means to pay for the loss – he had no job and no money to spare even on food.

Never let yourself being invaded by a failure.

It, when coming to your life, should push you even harder to the goal you have. You become wiser with every misfortune, it enlarges your horizon. Every succeeding act of your life play is going to be better, more joyous, and less sad. Look for the stock of professional stories that are available online. People talk with vividness about their achievements, showing the way to success and giving a favorable interpretation to everything. And we all need a positive view on things, an optimistic expectation from life. This kind of energy is healthy for your mind, soul, and body.

3) Glimmer of a Solution

The idea presented itself when P. started to wander through his social media accounts. Now he had more time to look at his friends’ pages, admiring happy families of ones, and successful lives of travel and adventure of others. He was not discouraged by the displayed accomplishments of his former classmates, neighbors, and distant and close relations. P. was rather motivated to find a way to improve his life so that he can claim his house a soul property with no dread to lose it and enjoy his stay in it when and as long as he wanted.

He was searching through the success stories of other people, Facebook, YouTube, and Instagram influencers. People who were drafting the rules to live by, and enjoyed what they did, earning their living, commanding their time, and mastering their futures. He thought himself almost past everything but the former business he knew. Was it late to learn a different route in life? P. was taken up with the idea to add an internet turn to his life and regain freedom.

Always put new steps and slides to your idea.

If one way of reaching it is not working, do not change the idea, change the way to it. Add spring and variety to your imagination. Go against some obstacles and around them, outran them with your feeling and faith in a favorable outcome. You should always look back at the people who are able to introduce you to the world of ideas and propel your mental awakening. The atmosphere of endeavor, of expectancy and bright hopefulness should prevail in your life. This blissful vibe attracts positive events in life.

4) A Breakthrough Idea

P.’s excitable temperament rebounded from one extreme to the other. His belief in the sacred character of his social media enterprise made him almost tremble with passionate rage. And an idea gained in force by the energy with which it was expressed. His countrified old house served as his Muse. He filmed his life story and the history of the place, both of them worn like coins that had been long out of use. He kept the video at a high temperature, the success of it owed much to the mysterious melancholy of the place, where things had happened – many people died there, and that made it full of life.

Viral it became, being perfect frost for about two months and after that, suddenly, hundreds, thousands, and millions of views across all social media platforms. People spread the content, shared it with their friends and family. P.’s heart spoke to the hearts of other people. He made his life a poem, cuffed and buffeted through the world it became a hymn of struggle and devotion.

It may take time and many trials to get to the point you want. Never despair. Break into a run if needs be or slow down with it if time is not right. But never lose a strong hold of it. Do not try to live like the mice in the kitchen, making no noise, leaving no traces – be loud if it helps, be bright and big, and make people notice you. Do not be consumed by life, rather, dominate it and set your own nutrition standards.

5) Relief and Freedom

P. lost many things that others kept at his age, but his inner glow didn’t fade. He hadn’t lost the fire of life. His skin was hardened by hard work, old lazy eyes kept the images from the past, and all the strong things of his heart came out in his body, that was so tireless in serving generous emotions.

Freedom added vigor to P.’s personality. The list of his followers was huge, he shared every memorable event in the course of his crowded years and those videos had a deep color of emotion, that didn’t leave a nerve in people that was not twisted. He happened to be gifted with the ability to speak to the hearts of others and make an adventure even from a simple life event. His stories were fascinating, his personality captivating.

So many people are bound to devote every hour of their life to the task they do not like, their glances repressed, their voices hushed. Life goes on for them without delight, only evasions and negations, saving cramps of moments to be with dear people and back to the artificial toils of working life. Do not be negative about your dreams. Start as a hobby and step by step make every effort to help it become dominant in your professional life. Only when you do what you love you live freely, not working anymore but enjoying every day you devote to your favorite venture, that now earns you a living.

Conclusion

Your enthusiasm, your violent likes drive your life and assert themselves in all the every-day occupations of it. Work should be a prolonged festival. Every trial and obstacle should acquire celebrity by their defeat. Find a story that inspires you and a person that motivates you. Do not lose inquisitive and experimental quality and always boost every intellectual pace of your mind. Read and research, share your ideas and look for the advice from people who already at the point of their life where you are aiming to go.

Stay tuned…

Mental Health

6 Ways to Push Worry and Anxiety Out of Your Life

August 18, 2019 Olya Aman 22 Comments

“Understanding, that worrying was draining and unreasonable arrives in course of time,” said U. sitting himself with the air of a stranger.

Introduction

And U. was not a stranger in our house. Today he was very polite, as frightened men frequently are. We both, I and my mom, were visited with the same unpleasant sensation at that moment – worry, like the rippling of water in a silent place, glimmered faintly in his pale blue eyes.

U.’s eyes were sharp, noticing everything, skipping nothing. A round face, shiny black hair, and old fashioned half-whiskers. A friend to our house, a brother to my mom, a confidante to me. He was quick at understanding the teenagers who spoke their own language of youth, and the most reticent and distrustful of them would tell him their story without realizing they were doing so. But his own daughters seemed to get more and more distant and solemn with him.

1) Make a Whole Understanding of Your ‘Why’

U. had two twin-teenage daughters whom he raised without mother, she died when they were only three years old.

N. and M. were as different in their inner nature as they were alike in their outer looks. N. was rather more complex than M. She was fanciful with all sorts of unspoken preferences and was easily offended, her velvety green eyes filled with tears at every trifling misfortune. M., on the contrary, at almost any disappointment or displeasure would lift her chin and bear it silently.

Both of them at their 16 now were getting even with the life of love-adventure. That was the major reason for sleepless nights and days full of anxiety for their father.

Figure out ‘why’ you worry so much. Intently look at the true reasons for your worry. It may be a slight thing that disturbs your equanimity or a major distractive force that frails your mind – in any case, you need to form a clear understanding of what you are dealing with.

2) Piece Your Worry Out

U. was quick to anger, quick to laughter, and kind and loving from the depth of his soul. His daughters used to confide in him with every life adventure. But now they were growing into little ladies and needed a woman’s… mother’s guidance. He felt the need for a gentle touch in their upbringing all the way during his faithful-to-his-dear-wife life. The same sudden recognition flashed into his mind more and more often now.

U. noticed that with him his daughters would restrain their speech and manners out of some secretive modesty. They hated the superior tone that he sometimes took with them, trying to reason and caution.

Turn the power of reason on. The wealth of your mind should piece out every worrisome thing in your life and make a full list of what you need to confront. Analyze the list. This intelligence is refreshing. It gives you an ability to look at the things that disturb you so in a more distant and broad way.

3) Embrace Uncertainty

His daughters resented U.’s protective manner. Now they had only their girlish fanciful minds to batter at the world with. He consoled himself with the belief that he had managed to instill in them the endurance to go through life trials, but he feared that their open-to-love hearts may get bruised on the way to more mature understanding of relationships.

N. and M. were tossed down blindfold on that life of emotion. To predict what it would make of them was impossible. The vital essence, the throb of it, the light restlessness – rising suddenly, sinking suddenly, impulsive and playful – they needed to taste it with their own taste buds.

Accept the uncertainty fulcrum. Everything in life comes in perfect time. We need to admit it and welcome every change and challenge rather than feel dread and fear. We grow and become stronger sometimes with the help of things we can explain, and very often with things we are not able to comprehend at all. And to predict which of them would become a happy or a sad coincidence is impossible – and that, exactly that makes life so interesting.

4) Become Handy with Distractive Tools

U. was walking slowly, dragging his feet along as if he had a great weight on his shoulders. His daughters were the only salvation for him. He needed to divert his thoughts to something completely different, something that could rose the old man from the torpor of worry in which he seemed to live now. My mother was a wise woman and a good friend to her older brother. She reasoned with him, instilling in his mind the understanding that every step his daughters took toward love added to them strength and expansion as individuals.

My mother said that there was no purpose in tossing the days in a sort of monotonous agitation as there was no way to stop the natural process of girls’ awakening sensuousness. She had me and my sister to think about and she chose to trust and respect rather than worry and question our self-esteem.

Change the way you relate to worry and anxiety. Make every effort possible to add meaning and pleasure to your life. Fill your free time with the activities you enjoy the most. Read interesting books and watch fascinating movies, listen to nice music and enjoy your most admirable hobby. Distract your mind from the thoughts that make you feel uncomfortable.

5) Consider Overestimation that Resides in Every Worry

U. needed to call back to his memory the days of his early youth, the recollections of first love when there was not a particle of earth beneath his feet, the resentment at the face of any amount of reason that his parents were trying to thrash into him. He could make his authority felt and lock his girls at home, not letting them wonder with their friends after school – that would only invite violence and protest – U. knew it too well.

His daughters were merging into their teens. Soon enough they would be grown young women and to get to this point they needed to acquire experience that only heartfelt affairs could give.

6) Say a Lot to the Purpose

I was on friendly terms with M. and N. Sitting together, exchanging occasional words, glances and smiles, we indicated a certain advanced stage of intimacy and camaraderie. That friendship produced a consoling effect on U.’s worrisome mind. His girls spent a lot of time in our house, talking to me, my sister, and our mother. That was not the same as having their own loving and caring mother beside, but that still gave them an example of a mother-daughter relationship. They could ask my mother questions that were not destined to man’s ears. The answers they received were full of dignity and depth of graceful and noble judgment.

U. also had a privilege to relieve his long-pent emotions and talk freely with my mother, his younger sister. She was able to balance the strange anxiety in his soul, solace his spirit, and soothe his ruffled temper with the company and conversation.

To talk about the things that bother you with someone you trust is the best way to come closer to understanding them better. Voiced, they lose some degree of frightening power over you. A feeling that you shared your worry with a beloved person consoles your heart and diminishes the weight of anxiety that holds your soul a prisoner. Talk about it, let your fear come out – it may dispel in the air or at least reduce in size.

Conclusion

The time of agitated, burning heart and brain is left behind. U. is an affectionate grandfather to his many grandchildren. His beautiful and wise daughter M. is an ornament of true motherly love and daughterly devotion to the whole village. She came back from a big town with a child in her hands seeking retirement for her broken heart. An icy hand released her soul when she met a simple farmer, married him, and became a mother for four brothers to her little older girl.

U.’s other daughter N. became a famous writer – married to her books; constantly in love with her cats, niece, and nephews; and caring about every relation on a distant gift-giving manner. She remembers all the important dates and never fails to send a word and a present but rarely shows up herself, always faithful to her secluded way of life.

Exercise daily to make your body stronger, it will add flexibility not only to your limbs but to your mind as well. Learn to divert your thoughts from the worrisome ideas that may possess you. Drink less caffeine to minimize some tension on your nerves, get a soothing and calming herbal tea instead. Meditate and learn to see the beauty and charm in life around, relax your body and soul.

Never blame yourself. Be loving and caring towards your feelings. There is a solution to every problem. Get help from other people: your family, and friends – bring your worry to an end together.

Stay tuned…

Mental Health

An Autistic Boy Helped Me Recover After a Loss

August 18, 2019 Olya Aman 23 Comments

Know the difference between distractive loneliness and desired solitude

My kind of loneliness rather aggravated than relieved the gloom of my life. – Olya Aman

I stole cautiously towards my secluded bench in the middle of a little island of sunflowers in their utmost bloom and richness of color. One would be almost invisible amongst those kingly looking plants with their golden crowns and massive leaves.

My face during that tough, lonely period of my life was a good deal over-serious for my two and twenty. I was well-nigh alien to this stunning and bewildering scene. My gloominess quite confounded the senses.

I looked at the boy on my bench, my neighbor, in mute and timid wonder. How did he end up on my patch? The intelligence that shone in the deep green eyes of this autistic boy, when I finally had a chance to look into them, seemed scarcely of his age, or of the world. The changing expression of good humor and seriousness, his ability to blush very red to the ears, made me admire a thousand lights that played about his face.

When I rented a small cottage in this remote village, I took no notice of other people and very little of this boy, although we were house to house neighbors and met often coming out and getting in our homely places, both thresholds facing each other. I seemed hard upon my thoughts, constantly looking down as if examining my boots and the ground right under my feet.

That day I smiled at this boy and said a word of polite greeting, but he, dedicated to his thoughts, didn’t respond. I discovered that this ability to concentrate made him a fantastic listener. At that moment in my life, he became my salvation. I was pouring on him a torrent of personal sentiments.

Not looking at me, he said, “L.. l.. l..”, then a long pause. The boy had a severe stammer. Finally, he produced his name in an unusually deep baritone, “Liam”. We communicated in notes from his side and words from mine. The first thing he wrote was, “You are lonely.” And he was right.

I told him my love story and although he avoided any eye contact and scribbled something in his little journal all the way; I knew he was all ears.

“I am in love with a dead person. If I knew him longer, I could have loved him longer. I miss his clear and pure miniature skies under the arch of his eyebrows. Only in his company I felt no need to think of what to say. Every moment of silence was a blessing, every word uttered was a revelation. He poured out more treasures of his luxurious inner nature in one minute than anyone else could’ve done in his entire life.” Liam brushed tears from my cheeks with his checked handkerchief. It was so old and soft, as if a tender touch of a mother.

“Only two years I spent in this blissful state. He missed our second anniversary. He‘d been run over by a car.”

Liam handed me a note with the following question, “Do you feel that your happiness is owing to him, and without his presence, your existence lacks purpose?” This boy could read my heart.

We met every day on that same bench. I was talking; he was scribbling. I said to Liam that I voluntarily chose isolation. I nurtured the notion I differed from all other people that surrounded me. I saw the world in clouds and fogs rather than in colors and vibes. I perceived people as rough creatures, not fit to understand my pain and be my companions.

I busied myself diving in my newly formed plan of moving to the village and burring my over-drained mind in simple farm occupations that required no thinking but just hard physical work. I used to have the vastness of feelings to lose myself in. Now I tried to be forgotten and forget.

When at home I felt my words thrown out, conversations started and no one to address them to. I used to defend myself tragically in an empty room in front of an imaginary lover. My bitter remarks dashed in vain against empty walls. I ate and drank, but it didn’t put any heart in me.

I couldn’t sleep, the night was fast closing, not gifting me with rejuvenating rest. I carried myself with the air of a weary person, feeling the claws of depression pressing harder on my chest. I had no tools to cope with stress, life attractions seemed to be hidden from my eyes. I found it harder with each day to approach people.

Liam listened. When I was done, he handed me his journal and smiled.

Liam wrote the following

It is vital to know the difference between loneliness that feels draining, distractive, and upsetting; and desired solitude that is peaceful, creative, and restorative. I found that you suffer from six kinds of distractive loneliness.

New-Place Loneliness by the nature of things may force a person into the embrace of solitude. Shutting oneself up for a long time may create a communicative barrier that will prevent a person from seeing an opportunity to meet people.
No-Soulmate Loneliness, when intimate bounds are missing. A beloved person is a source of love energy. Missing a romantic partner fills the heart with silence that is not soothing but upsetting.
Lack-of-Trust Loneliness is a pessimistic approach to life. If you do not believe in the existence of truly well-intentioned, kind, and helpful people — you do not believe in life itself.
No-Time-for-Connection Loneliness is misleading. To throw oneself into daily occupations not leaving any space for yourself and for others is a big mistake. That time may be considered lost because there is no one to share the pleasures of your achievements with.
I-Am-Different Loneliness is quite a mystical state of mind. It is good to be different, feel oneself unique. But there is a fine ground between feeling different and feeling superior. The first one is most often positive, rather than the other is for sure negative. To teleport oneself from negative to the positive side of uniqueness is extremely important. To achieve it, you just need to open your perception to the ability to see the individuality in others. The uniqueness of personality, when multiplied, creates a wonderful cocktail of human characters.
Quiet-Presence Loneliness is the lack of companionable silence. Sometimes we need someone to be just there for us, present in the room but not intrusive into our thoughts. The knowledge that we are not alone adds a comforting element to our lives. It is always pleasant to enter a habitable place after the day’s strain and excitement, rather than to find no eyes to look into during dusk hours.

What you should do to recover after your loss

Stay open for others. Connect with people. Nurture relationships. You need to feel that you belong, to confide, to give and get support. Attempt to secure the favor of warm-hearted people. That will add peculiarity to your personality.
Give love and you will receive it back multiplied. Be generous and wrap your beloved people up in attention and affection. Your life will be full of light, of unmingled happiness, if you cherish faith in the best in people.

This autistic boy changed my attitude toward life

Friendship, which before these days seemed impossible, crept in my life accompanied by blithesome music of this boy’s kind heart. That music taught me to value the treasures of the heart over any material possessions. I stopped feeling superior over others, admitting that I had tons to learn from simple people with little to boast of in terms of monetary luxuries, and so much in terms of values of the heart.

When I let myself be open to the truest, warmest, soul-felt gratitude — I saw more smiling faces around. The reason was simple — the charming smile found its way to my face, and even though I had forgotten how to wear it, my gentle nature was always ready to master every positive skill all over again. I learned to share the devotion and affection of my nature so long locked and sealed inside my soul. This transformation brought deep and lasting relationships with other people.

My mind was firmly set on never to return to the sorrow and calamity of my past distractive life apprehensions. I intended to not let my positive spirit tarnish. My long suffered heart found the perfect formula for happiness, and the key element in it was a strong connection to other people.

Stay tuned…

Personal Growth

I Found 7 Profound Reasons to Be Patient, and It Saved My Family

August 18, 2019 Olya Aman 26 Comments

Consider hardships as blessings, rejoice at the opportunity to exercise your patience

I found patience at a crisis in my life… the blessing that greeted my nature – Olya Aman

Only three years ago I used to be so mild and gentle, so sweet and good-humored that earth seemed not my element. My cheerful, happy smile was always present for my beloved husband and baby, my firstborn child. Every minute lived in our home seemed delicious.

All vanished gradually like a breeze, leaving a sign of warmth in the frosty air. I decided to work from home on some company projects rather than going to the office every day. I was delighted to spend more time with my growing family, a second child being on his way.

1) Stay strong when marks of quietness and uneventfulness color your life.

Our third son was a piece of happy, unexpected news. I didn’t fully recover mentally from the merry sensation of being with my second baby, only a year at that time. In the beginning, straggling to be everywhere: keeping the kids nice and neat, the house cozy and welcoming, the food tasty and nourishing — I reduced my restful, sleeping hours to about four a day, comforting myself with thoughts about excellence and perfection of my life.

In three months I felt as if I was groping forward a few steps in my daily life and strolling backward with increasing speed. The little one cried almost every night with no obvious reason. I often lost my temper with my four-year-old, expecting him to be always handy and ready to help in any possible way with kids and with things around the house.

The growing family forced my husband to accept an offer of higher pay and longer absence from home, often being away on his business trips for weeks in a row. Left alone with kids I could not find energy enough to keep my old acquaintances and friends. I was busy and very lonely.

Patience — a lifelong spiritual practice. Do not let time rob you of your brightness, but let it add depth to your personality. Get skilled at pulling the ropes and handling the ribbons of your emotional strength, so you can control your life with all its waiting, watching, and knowing time.

2) Fight snappy conduct that is stealing out with noiseless distracting footsteps.

I kept reproaching myself for lack of attention to my husband and kids. I knew that I needed to be careful about how I dealt with those about me. Too often I ended up snappish in my manner.

The atmosphere at home became suffocating. I and my husband took what seemed to us a strict line of duty: him — providing for the wellbeing of our family, and I — devoting myself fully to the kids. And although our generous impulses had the best intentions, the outcome didn’t provide lasting happiness.

Patience — a way to transform frustration. In this blissful state, you grow familiar and confidential with your beloved people. You have a larger and more loving view when determining the right word and action.

3) Withstand frugal life and hardships.

I was aching to the distant time of those happy days when my husband was at home every night, lifting the weight of troubles by his help and loving support. The tears I shed on the occasion of his coming home from another business trip caused the sacred emotional transformation. A feeble stream of our family life needed to be revived anew, and the only solution was to reunite our family, sacrificing some pleasant but unnecessary luxuries on the way.

My husband decided to go back to his old employment with lower pay and higher healthy, meaningful time spent with his family. With each day at home and each family dinner, the healthy and benign atmosphere was coming back to the house, the chores hanged lighter on my hands.

Patience — a re-attuning to intuition. It is a way to be happy when alive and breathing, even though life may seem hard and frustrations pressing. Without patience you feel like the little tottering, stumbling, clutching child that cries bitterly when left without promised candy.

4) Feel radiance from a disappointing fall.

We abandoned our expensive car for a cheaper and a trifle less comfortable one and our pompous yearly vacations for a lovely countryside escape. When a chain of unlucky events at my husband’s work culminated in his losing the position, we didn’t despair. We lived out of our humble savings and occasional company commissions that I still received now and then.

My husband freed up from the necessity to go every day to the office finally could devote his time to his music experiments. He used to compose wonderful pieces when in college. His hobby didn’t excite much approval from his parents, and he abandoned it almost completely during the years of his company work.

Patience — a way to respond to setbacks and failure. It teaches you to turn your thoughts swiftly upon every blessing in your life, so you stop pitying yourself and fight for your place under this sun. You gather waiting, watching, and knowing skills — and reflect the wise acceptance of the inevitable, and respond to disappointment with grace.

5) Attempt to get to a distant glimmer of perfection.

My husband was shutting himself up in his study at night, interrupting his work for rounds with our crying son. The little creature grew quieter with time, sensing my increasing tranquility. I had my full night’s sleep thanks to my husband’s loving help. Our older son got much attached to his father with his bedtime stories and childish fighting games.

Sometimes the artistic progress was dishearteningly slow. Producing music, though, became more familiar with each failing attempt at reaching the desired effect. I believed in his talent and future success. I encouraged his persistent work.

Patience — a high tolerance for delay. You feel perfect timing for implementing your ideas. For people deprived of patience, it is hard to begin any project, the prospects seem vague, tangled, chaotic and the entire process exceedingly disturbing.

6) Delay gratification. It’ll make the achievement sweeter.

The daily treadmill of our home life was sweet and enchanting, notwithstanding the portioned to us hardships. I liked to see my husband, to hear him about the place and at his music work.

One year left us with a feeling that we’ve accomplished a lot of good for our family, which no money could buy. The second year brought the first small yet increasingly delightful music projects. My husband and a few of his college friends got back together and created a small-movie company.

Patience — an ability to delay gratification. Once you find enough of it within yourself you develop a sensuous susceptibility to timing. You recognize the perfect moment for each important step in your life, and if you feel that time is not right — you can wait without frustration.

7) Avoid procrastination and lend yourself to fulfilling your dream.

All three of their movies presented at the festivals didn’t gain recognition. My husband became an instigator and a powerful motivator for his small company lot. They often got together at our family dinner table to discuss future projects and share the inspirational vibe between them.

His music grew strange, turbulent and insistent, soft and plaintive — and the movie they produced with not much money but with great blissful inspiration became a winner.

Patience — a way to greater inward wisdom. Take the wiser part of grasping at every opportunity to use the capacity to tolerate suffering, and with steady tread go to every trial on the way to your dream.

Conclusion

Patience — active, powerful state. Life without patience is an eternity of torture. Patience thrashes reason into you and evokes absolute devotion to the life itself with everything that makes this experience fascinating.

This is a great practice of compassion. With it, you can always find a way to a non-irritable and non-hostile place within yourself.

Never be entreated to leave this peaceful place. All fears, and hopes, and wild emotions subside and do not jostle and chase each other through your mind when you redeem your ability to tolerate and endure.

Stay tuned…

Mental Health

How Backbiting and Gossiping Ruined My Happiness

August 17, 2019 Olya Aman 26 Comments

Why, or rather when the opinion of others matters

Spend precious moments stubbornly biting your lips, speaking sternly, and acting openly… – Olya Aman

Dima was my first boyfriend. A terrible bore as he was, I loved him dearly. I always thought him to be above the average in the firmness of his mind. He read classic literature and spoke the language of 19th century romance. We were young and very much in love.

Dima was a sensible and handsome young boy of twenty at the time. I was a smart, pretty girl of eighteen with merry grey eyes and lofty, intelligent forehead. Today when I see a photo of us together, I remember how contagiously happy we were.

One incident ruined our happiness. Dima thought himself deceived, duped, and hopeless. A slough scandal was spread through the entire village and finally found its way to Dima’s ears. The tempest of doubt and dread, of jealousy and rage, almost blinded him. Some shallow minds believed it right away. People that wished us bad luck were rejoicing.

I got to the root of it only by hints and innuendos, as no one dared to speak openly with me about it. I stopped any intercourse with the poisoned humanity, the ones that readily accepted the circulating vile slander.

Why it is normal to rip up the ties.

Dima’s spirits rose almost to madness when he heard the dreadful story of me being unfaithful to our love. I thought nothing could crush his faith in our shared future. The story was a lame one. Unfortunately, he believed that I could swear love to someone else.

The first night after discovering that his best friend was an instigator of the slander, a paroxysm of anger disquieted Dima’s breathing, and he bitterly reproached himself for the moment of weakness. His friend, a worthless reprobate, an impracticable fool, gave food to envenomed tongues, and they started to talk about me as if I was a little frivolous kitten going around and gifting my love to insipid individuals.

Eventually, Dima cut all ties with that false friendship. Forgot the way to his friend’s house. Wiped him off his phone contacts and social media accounts. He brushed the dirt of this acquaintance from his life. After what happened, Dima knew too well to keep such people at a great distance from his life.

Why, or rather when the opinion of others matters.

My heart rejoiced when my parents and my elder sister took my side in this insinuated story. I felt strong support and stoic faith from them. My close friends showed me the true value of their relationship. People that sincerely wished me to be happy took pains to consider everything thoroughly. They recollected what they knew about me and found not even one reason to surrender to the falsehood circulating in the village.

Why take the reins in your hands.

This occurrence served as a great lesson for both of us. Dima’s so-called friend, being a jealous and wicked person, ruined our happiness. He did his utmost to bring about a fatal collapse to the true love between two faithful hearts. That unfortunate affair taught me to avoid provokingly jealous, heartless, and artificial people. I clean my life from any false attachment.

Today I make my life a pleasant experience, awakened by grand people. The mention of any piece of news that concerns me is heart-felt when coming from a loving soul and easily forgotten when coming from a distant and unimportant acquaintance.

Conclusion

People tend to talk. We may like it or not — but they talk about us. It may aggravate you, but I would encourage you to take no notice of judgments that come from people that do not bring value to your life. Whatever they think should be considered a slight thing. It by no means should disturb the equanimity of your mind or had any injurious effect upon your appetite.

A true friend will cry and laugh with you, not at you. The one that gives you handsome compliments in your face and talks about you with much malicious philosophy behind your back is not a friend. Rejoice when you find out about some false attachment. Let this person go as far from your life as possible and wish him good-speed. Remember that the ones that stay — worth hundreds of those that had left. This is a natural life improving, beautifying process. You multiply positivity but getting rid of negativity.

By the way, it is better to be talked about. That means people find your life interesting and for sure a better topic to discuss than whatever their own existence presents. So, let them do what they please and continue to live as YOU please.

Stay tuned…

Mental Health

My Father Died From Cancer, and It Taught My Mother to Write

August 17, 2019 Olya Aman 19 Comments

I painstakingly pieced this story from the several treasured excerpts of her diary

You must have a divine heart to be so full of vigor when life is a misery, filled with it like a precious vase… – Olya Aman

My mother makes beauty beautiful.

She dreams in words of love and hope when her life is tragic enough to make my face distort with darkness.

Her life is a sad song for an outsider and a bright red fire for those who have the privilege to know the divine rebellion of her smile, the cheering appreciativeness of her spirit, and the great resoluteness of her mind.

My mother gifted me with her beautiful diary on my 30th birthday. I painstakingly pieced this story from the several treasured excerpts from it.

Grace Your Life with the Presence of a Diary

Life may seem vengeful. When a beloved person is forever lost the existence appears empty. A painful loss sternly represses breathing although the chest is heaving with passionate feeling. Eyes become blind to all life attractions, ears deaf to all the words of love and affection. Every living being that still keeps smiling looks so provokingly heartless and mindless.

May 1988: “I buried myself in the full of soul eyes of my dying husband. I know I need to think of my dear child and myself for her sake, but it is so hard to tear myself from his bedside. His sufferings make my heart weep. I wish I could sacrifice myself and save him. His voice rising painfully when he holds my hand and pronounces my name. I quiver with restrained grief and smile to cheer him up.”

My father was going through tormenting sufferings on his way to the end of life. His pain, the result of advanced incurable cancer, was inadequately relieved. The question of surgery was not even possible to discuss. It was too late.

May 1988: “My diary is my salvation. I often write and hold his hand in mine. I put on paper what I feel and fold it in two. I plead and pray to God and hide it in my soul.”

July 1988: “He is in constant pain but looks the very incarnation of quiet bravery and love. Even in his intolerable condition, he strives to carry away my disquietude by talking about the beauty of life after death and the pleasure I should feel on this earth even when he will leave me.”

August 1988: “Whenever he is awake from his tired slumber he asks me to write the messages to daughter so I can deliver it to her when she will grow up to understand the preciousness of every word that was voiced through pain and suffering. I like to listen to his sentiments. I love his extreme good sense, his exquisite taste, and the feeling of life. He urges our girl to be uncompromisingly bold in the defense of her opinion and life principals, to be earnest and keen in pursuing her dreams, and to win the esteem of her mother and father by vindicating her character from any unkind inclination.”

Let Place, People, and Obligations Comfort Your Spirit

The freedom of nature and tranquility of some quiet shelter gives a sense of repose and expansion to the mind. When you take your place on a bench under your favorite tree it opens the floodgates of your soul. Here in loneliness, you can pour away the tears of grief. Being with beautiful life one on one you can learn all over again to feel the rays of sunshine with your soul and to experience the freshness of breeze with your heart.

October 1988: “With an agitated, burning heart and brain, I live through every minute of my life without him. How do I dare to live when he is not among the living? The one who in intellect, in purity and elevation of soul, was immeasurably superior to anyone I know. I rush outside to cool my feelings in the balmy winter air, and to compose myself each time I feel the hot tears coming to my throat. The solitude of my garden helps me to put on a gleeful smile to cheer my child.”

December 1988: “The poison of this loss spreads through all my essence. I now recognize its harmful intentions. The serious depth of it may kill life within me. I fight it, turn my back upon it. I seek retirement for my pain in taking care of my girl. She is my salvation. I let my head to be carried away by her childish ideas. There is no better cure like a merry, simple-hearted child — ever ready to cement broken heart, to melt the ice of freezing soul, and overthrow the walls of sorrowful isolation.”

Open up Your Heart to a Friend

It is an overwhelming toil to be in constant grief. Everyone needs to recover from the effects of it and a close attachment to the living dear people is the best cure in this case. A heartfelt conversation with a friend can fill you with faith, hope, and joy. It will drive away the keen regrets and bitter dregs of lingering sorrow that still oppresses your heart.

March 1989: “My mother is my faithful friend. When I see a flash of love in her eyes, a glow of sincere care on her face — I think that one day I will cease to feel this pain. When throbbing recollection flashes upon me, and a cloud of sorrow darkens my eyes, I talk to her: in person, on the phone, or in my mind, and a moment of inward conflict gives place to quiet conduct. I start to behave with exceeding calmness so that she never had to reprove me once.”

Delightful and Fruitful Activity

Perhaps another great healing technique would be an activity, business, hobby — the mode of actions that is enjoyable to the utmost degree for you. Keeping yourself busy and enjoying every moment of it is not a job, it is a recovery process that cures your heart and heals your soul. Leading an active life prevents you from disturbing your own heart by touching upon the infectious thoughts of loss and grief too often.

November 1989: “I started my diary with more truth than wisdom. In the beginning, I was still fearing to be rooted to my loss. Often the paroxysm of pain and despair was preventing me from saying what I was intended to say. A torrent of tears stained the pages with misery, and I prayed for forgetfulness. But only memory gave life to my words. Never do I endure so long, so blissful nights as when I write. I go through every moment of happiness and pain all over again. My goal is to keep the fire of my foaming and swelling with emotions life engaging and bright, so it warms the heart of my child when I give it to her to read and remember.”

September 1990: “Smiles and tears are so alike with me. I often cry when there is nothing left but to laugh and smile when I am in bitter grief. My diary is my remedy. I feel graceful easiness and freedom about all I do these days. The expansion that this new activity gives to my mind is so refreshing.”

October 1990: “I cannot stop writing. A broad sea is rolling between my past and present. My soul is forever united to the one that is dead in body but always living in my heart. My husband is my everyday companion. I feel his soothing presence. And this feeling of our reunion is not sad anymore, but rejuvenating.”

My mother started a diary and found consolation in putting her feelings on paper. Writing those down by-the-by brought consolation. It brightened the doomed comprehension of life. The melancholy musings and painful lamentations stayed on paper.

The words of sorrow, written in her diary, purchased solace and tranquility.

Conclusion

To find an antidote to painful emotions is essential. Grief, when left alone, may carry you away against any reason and will. It breathes a tired apathy born of long sorrow and hopelessness. You need to fight for your life and happiness every day for the sake of those who are living and for those who are no longer among us.

To be a prey to distressful feelings is a sad destiny. To do our utmost to live life happily is the only installment of our universal debt. There is certain graceful ease about being busy with daily life, household chores, taking care of the kids. These activities distract from painful recollections. When you remind yourself that there are still living people that need your attention, you tend to forget to torment yourself with thoughts about death — life is calling you to be present and active.

Stay tuned…

Mental Health

6 Ways to Keep Happy Attitude in a Disabled Body

August 17, 2019 Olya Aman 33 Comments

To linger here or to feel that you belong… – Olya Aman

Introduction

T. is a lean, long-backed, large-headed Lebanese, with surly tones of his voice and coarse features of his face. We scour the country together every now and then: I – on my feet and he – on his wheels. His wheelchair is a speedy little beast, accelerated by his mighty hands and skillfully maneuvered by his flexible torso.

T. is my dear friend. I can drop a curtsy each time I see him hurrying to greet me in his very wealthy manner. You would never believe looking at his expressive and full of exhilarating energy face, that death had been hovering over him just three years ago.

1) A Rushing Torrent of Grateful Feelings

The dark night in T.’s life crept slowly on, unexpected and unwelcomed. The sun rose and sank, and he was dwindling away beneath the dry and wasting heat of fever, trying to understand the reasons why he was still alive…

A weak, thin, and pallid face was looking at him from the multi-squared mirror lights of the hospital ceiling. Outside the window the mean-looking portico showed strangers in and out, smiling and crying, old folks and newborns – all colors of countenances and personalities were passing through his painful perception for forty-three thousand agonizing wakeful minutes of his confinement to the bed.

When starting to sit down to his meals, still dispirited and sad, the realization that the chains of grief were the heaviest of all fetters came to T.’s mind. He knew that the mournful spirit he was in would only bring the end of his life closer. The belief in a higher intelligent plan and purpose was still holding him tight, not letting him sink into that despair completely.

T. needed to return to the world he belonged. And hour by hour the drop of every happy memory brought back first feeble streams of life. The fairest consolation came in disguise of a prayer. He applied himself with assiduity to the task of reviving his inner and outer strength so his family, always supporting and loving, could be proud of him.

Every generous impulse and feeling of his heart were acknowledged to bring him back from that low and solemn air to the full and blooming life around. He made off as fast as he could to lay his spirits to the ground and managed to get himself out of the bed and on his wheels with surprising speed. Every morning he called before his mind’s eye a vast amphitheater of loving faces of his dear people: his mom and dad, his brothers and sisters, his cousins and dear friends.

Grateful Feelings remind us that dear people and happy moments in the past and present should wrap us in their loving warmth and console the wounded body and soul. Regret and grief bruise the heart, making things in the world dark and gloomy. These feelings may force hate to prevail, so that the person that is suffering would condemn himself to abhor life and think that it pays him by the same coin. One should love life worse than it loves him and live only by that motto.

2) Life and Death in Opposition

The beauty beyond the tomb, when it is accepted in the very heart, can shed a gentle glow upon life and bring a quiet happiness. T. didn’t make a coffin of his heart and sealed it away. He didn’t let his life be buried in the pages of a death book. The gift of life is enormous and the only way to make an effort to pay back for it is to try your utmost to live to the fullest contentment, so that the bliss of your love towards the world around charges it with positive energy.

The contradictory emotions T. felt brought greatest interest and eagerness to his life. Sorrow still was tingling through his veins, but it raised the rattling exaltation at the every notion that perception was able to fill his senses with. He didn’t feel his legs anymore, but that missing part of his body was substituted by strains of overly agitated nerves of his arms and spine. He followed on the track of strengthening his torso every instant he felt the need to hue-and-cry to the missing limbs.

Comparison and Contrast of life and death teach us that life is a poem and it ought to be sung down to the very bottom. Because to cease to love is worse than to die, and death is worse than suffering. We are sorry for the men and women who forced to linger here in constant pain. This feeling of compassion revives willpower of a soul, and chains of indifference, for say what you will, are the exact heaviness as chains of hovering death.

3) Elbowing Hard upon Goals

T.’s life hanged heavy on his hands even before the turning point that left him without legs. He used to ruminate long and hard trying to decide what direction to set his life forth. Being 32-years-old, he had been poring over various subjects and not over anything with enough time. He rambled at his pleasure too long, mostly spending time in the gym listening to his favorite music. It seemed a matter of impossibility to center his life around fitness and body healing strategies now when he lost almost half of it, but this idea was firmly impressed upon his mind. T. became transfixed with the desire to achieve the heights he didn’t even think possible for his fully-functional healthy past-self.

So vigorous a pursuit of a dream that T. started would make anyone wonder at the beaming of energy that he possessed. He was not ignorant of his own mind any longer: his heart was set firmly on a goal to become a physical therapist working in amputee rehabilitation. He was not mistaking the impulses of his soul – he became a world known inventor of dynamic specific strengthening exercises that flex and tone the muscles. His online teaching courses are empowering. His own experience gives him psychological advantage to motivate people who suffered a loss to set goals and move on with their lives.

4) Issuing Forth with a Mentor Beside

The impressive stateliness that radiated from T. was adopted from his mentor. The multifarious influence this person had on T.’s life helped him to not only look on nature and his fellow-men with positive reflection but gave him a clear vision of himself.

The simplicity of his mentor’s life stirred T. profoundly. This person was happy, chasing his dreams and loving his family. With neither legs no arms he was shining with heart strength and will-power. Every trace of T.’s essence strove to be worthy of the second chance he was given and to live his life limitlessly. He had that example of extraordinary idyll and threw himself headlong into the task of bringing purpose and happiness into his life.

A Person Beside that shows an example of indefatigable hope makes us forget about the despair and misery. Hope is the light that dwells in all hearts. We need to be reminded as often as it is possible about possibilities and discoveries. Life is not stationary, it drives us to new interesting days and when we see how other people manage to live those happily despite any limitations we strive to do the same.

5) Power of Giving Others a Heart to Live

T. still had a realizing sense of his weakness and captivity. But he was recovering his life-balance by an effort of willpower and desire to set an example for others. There was a dash of the divine in it – to be smashed from monotonous and tiresome life in a healthy body by a fall of a tree on a thunderous day, and to be revived to the beautiful and happy life in a wheelchair.

T. decided to never be lost amid a host of distressing feelings and regrets. He wished that something partaking of the unheard-of dream-like life would happen to him. The desire to become a role model for others gave him that spiritual illumination that shifted his life and he was ready happily to face his past, present, and future.

6) Let Only Love to Hold Your Body Prisoner

T. didn’t think that he was more than other people. He was a man like every other man and that by itself attributed exceptional importance to the task he set for himself. He conveyed a message that whatever happened to him was not a run of ill-luck but a fortunate wakeful blessing. He shared many talks on how to accept the past and devotedly love your-past-self and present-self.

He received many compassionate comments on his media channels. The influence which his sincere contented personality exercised was deep and lasting. People saw a humble person just like themselves, never repenting on his helplessness, but actually claiming to be powerful enough to uplift his own spirit and inspire others to do the same.

Love-Centered Life is a masterpiece. The creative force is in everyone and everything living on this earth. Our hopes and wishes when driven by love transform the world around us into an art gallery where you and only you make a choice what to hang on the wall of your life. Make the exposition marry and colorful. Conquer death by the force of loving ecstasy.

Conclusion

Often, we find ourselves at a crisis in our lives. The loss takes many forms: ruined health, missing limb, beloved person that was forsaken… The union of fate and belief can give us the most poignant bliss. And the passion to live life to the fullest is only gaining in strength fueled by grateful feelings, love to the life itself, and love towards yourself. The birth of day is growing brighter, more from accomplished goals than from the sun rising. The purest and most amiable generosity of other people, their truest, warmest, soul-felt teaching of flourishing despite any limitations serve as the greatest power that alleviates the sinking of soul and spirit.

Stay tuned…

Personal Growth

6 Powerful Tips to Attract Success and Happiness

August 17, 2019 Olya Aman 30 Comments

“Unique personal style, dear friend, depends on what lies between the core of your heart and the inner essence of your soul,” said G. gleefully.

When it costs a heart and a dime…

G. at her 47 seemed to have something of a girl whose life was a sponge that was thirstily absorbing every drop of friendly sentiment. She gazed about herself with a saddened eye but swelled with smiles at the first bead of love.

Her face had that unmoved serenity of Nefertiti by Thutmose when in reverie, and that was the state I most often found her in. Regular comely features, glistening chestnut eyes, strict rather big mouth, and graceful cheekbones – her face whispered about flexible elegance and luxuriant beauty. Tall, robust, well-built, but rather disproportionally big in comparison to the head, G’s body would have been regarded as fine-looking by one and quite overweight by the other.

She was one of the most conspicuous women in Paris or even in France itself, and that country supplied so many excellent ladies. One would feel almost giddy with cheerful sensations seeing the splendor of color and exquisiteness of accessories. G. was a merry person and her joy would overflow, not in facial expressions, but in fashionable ejaculations.

Her handmade garments were supplied with an invoice for a bond of friendship to the ones she loved. I was flattered to be given the most beautiful garbs by her hand. Wearing those I strolled around with a bit exaggerated swagger because I knew that I was irresistible.

1) The Timing Scent in the Air

G. always rushed to the attack of a difficulty, and when the top 7 fashionable schools said ‘No’ to her inquiry to be the chosen one to master the craft of couture dress, she didn’t repent. After studying the Design Route very closely, she saw that there was but one alternative for her – to start her own business at new luxury couture in knitted women’s wear.

She was deeply versed in learning the fashion world since she remembered herself. Her dream was fearfully big – to become a world known fashion designer, the one that might proudly take place beside Coco Chanel, Yves Saint Laurent, and Jean-Paul Gaultier. That passion of hers condemned her to be the butt of all boorish jokes of her classmates, but she didn’t repent, growing astir, more from the opposition than from good encouragements.

G. hunted for related material in every French magazine, she went through all available case studies from leading fashion companies with the top-notch education. G.’s goal was to sharpen her senses, to overcharge them with delicious fashion flavor, and develop a plan of a step by step image building technique.

To thrive and prosper under this sun one needs a united care of a great idea and a suitable time for its realization. The balmy days for a particular dream make the fulfillment of it speedier. All things and people should be glad to meet this newness that one has to offer and flourish with its gradual achievement.

2) Industry Intelligence

G. had greedy teeth behind her fashion obsession. She saw her success in every direction, her imagination had a free play and she started her research full of delightful excitement. She was a whippersnapper in terms of color, having no idea about the existence of four color seasons that coincide individually with a particular facial hue, and each subdivided into four subtypes. G. found the colors that did justice to her cool complexion, emphasizing her beauty rather than concealing it by pupping up instead.

G. strove to change simple color presumptions that she had into certainties, so she could call up before her mind’s eye the right combination for any person. In a perfect frenzy of passionate interest, she tended every piece of relevant information, filling in her notebook and her memory.

When the predictions about some problem that majority of people is facing and looking for the solution is but too well verified and you have the answer, make sure that nothing is omitted, and little is undone in terms of research in the very industry you want to step into. You should not feel the task too difficult of performance, devote enough time to it so that nothing is forgotten, and not a thing is regretted.

3) Great Listening Impulses

G. got into every conversation that could take a convivial and improving turn. This way she learned about the magic of proportionately enhancing looks by knowing body expression. To craft a better-looking silhouette, she went into every free seminar that ready-to-wear groups generously provided. One of the students of Louis Vuitton luxury fashion house agreed to share her class notes for the benefit of ordering some accentual work for her collection, G. gladly exchanged her time and made a beautiful handmade lace for her friend’s dresses and got treasured information in return.

She didn’t think long and hard to determine her body outline. Five types left not much to be confused about and pretty clearly told their story. She was a piquant apple and was in love with that shape. After all, that was the easiest topic to master in fashion design. Now she had the tools to tweak an outfit to emphasize her personal style and to help others to get the understanding of their body structure.

4) Unique and Expected Over Head and Toes

Since five years old G. found herself over head and ears in a pack of yarn whenever her mom’s watchful eye was distracted. She loved that sensation of different textures on her tiny hands. The heart of a girl, whose life was circling around the lovely scenes of her mother always at work knitting all kinds of garments for local people of her little town, was forever given to this crafty art.

G. could live frugally but happy on the proceeds of her skillful hands. Her dream, though, was big and she sometimes feared the heights she wanted to reach. But her belief was strong and sturdy, and the energy with which it was expressed was impatient of delay and suspense.

Competition is healthy only to a particular extent. If the problem that people are facing is solved in too many similar ways, the chance of success is proportionally diminished. Your solution should to all appearances stand out and be unique, better in many ways than whatever others have to offer. Ease the people’s minds by your discovery, give them the most poignant bliss with the answer you provide.

5) Hunting for Branding and Presentation

The horizon was beginning to crimson when French magazine L’Etudiant featured G.’s first collection. She worked hard to turn her passion into profitable business. It was not easy to find her niche but she managed to make a successful living by doing what she loved. She found her own signature style and the patterns she designed were original and caught attention. G. was able to access key forces to assist her in achieving her dream and every succeeding collection she presented was better than the previous one.

6) Fruitful Partnership

G. collaborated with many talented fashion designers and learned a lot during their mutual eclectic teamwork. She tenderly cherished each encounter and became close friends with many interesting people in the beauty industry: photographers, makeup artists, models, and of course brilliant designers from outstanding schools.

One will well advance in life if cooperates with the right people on his way. The very intelligence, that a few brains united together under one mutual concept, can deliver will for sure shine bright enough to light up the sky. In faith, I believe one great person can substitute an excessive monetary capital. So engaging yourself busily in finding worthy business partners is a path for exultation.

Conclusion

G.’s work considered by many as the great art in haute couture designs. And being on the top of her career she continued to revert her thoughts to her old friends. I’m a proud possessor of a few signature garments that G. gifted me with. And ‘haute couture’ or not… I feel the love of her generous soul and that is the most precious and priceless.

Let your dream grasp you with an iron hand. The path to it should be remembered even in old age. A life of persistent and not fleeting pleasure is dearly paid for by tenacious movement to the desired. And fear often is a companion to the assurance on this way – fear that the dream is too big and assurance that it is for sure reachable. Your cleverness and your soul capital are on the service of it. Make it sensational so people will have a daily renewed appetite for what you have to offer.

Stay tuned…

Introduction

Turn on the Niagara of the Infinite Change. Determine ‘What’ to Confront.

1) Procrastination

2) Negligence

3) Negative Behavior

‘How’ to Be Busily Engaged in Self-Competition and Enjoy It

1) Be Guided by Self-Love

2) Be Led by a True Idol

3) Be Directed by Positive Criticism and Hones Praise

Conclusion

Hunting in the Night

Dracula #1 — The Narcissist

Dracula #2 — The Victim

Dracula #3 — The Passive-Aggressive

Dracula #4 — The Drama Addict

Dracula #5 — The Guilt Tripper

Dracula #6 — The Splitter

Dracula #7 — The Criticizer

Dracula #8 — The Fixer

Strategies for Survival

Assess your emotional capacity and strengthen it.

Determine how much of a threat to you the energy vampire is.

Vampire identification.

The decision to make.

Introduction

1) Early Days and Struggles

You need the push and self-assertiveness to get ahead in professional life.

2) Close to Devastation

Never let yourself being invaded by a failure.

3) Glimmer of a Solution

Always put new steps and slides to your idea.

4) A Breakthrough Idea

5) Relief and Freedom

Conclusion

Introduction

1) Make a Whole Understanding of Your ‘Why’

2) Piece Your Worry Out

3) Embrace Uncertainty

4) Become Handy with Distractive Tools

5) Consider Overestimation that Resides in Every Worry

6) Say a Lot to the Purpose

Conclusion

Liam wrote the following

This autistic boy changed my attitude toward life

1) Stay strong when marks of quietness and uneventfulness color your life.

2) Fight snappy conduct that is stealing out with noiseless distracting footsteps.

3) Withstand frugal life and hardships.

4) Feel radiance from a disappointing fall.

5) Attempt to get to a distant glimmer of perfection.

6) Delay gratification. It’ll make the achievement sweeter.

7) Avoid procrastination and lend yourself to fulfilling your dream.

Conclusion

Why it is normal to rip up the ties.

Why, or rather when the opinion of others matters.

Why take the reins in your hands.

Conclusion

Grace Your Life with the Presence of a Diary

Let Place, People, and Obligations Comfort Your Spirit

Open up Your Heart to a Friend

Delightful and Fruitful Activity

Conclusion

Introduction

1) A Rushing Torrent of Grateful Feelings

2) Life and Death in Opposition

3) Elbowing Hard upon Goals

4) Issuing Forth with a Mentor Beside

5) Power of Giving Others a Heart to Live

6) Let Only Love to Hold Your Body Prisoner

Conclusion

When it costs a heart and a dime…

1) The Timing Scent in the Air

2) Industry Intelligence

3) Great Listening Impulses

4) Unique and Expected Over Head and Toes

5) Hunting for Branding and Presentation

6) Fruitful Partnership

Conclusion

Actress / Writer / Producer