Tag Archives: #olyaamanbooks

Personal Growth

3 Reasons to Compete Against Yourself

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Self-Competition Is a Gambit in a Self-Development Game

Introduction

Rustling, quickly-moving, clear-voiced, V. was extravagant and a little disquieting. Large, square face and little grayish eyes – there was nothing soft or gracious about her. Up to everything and down on herself, V. was a splendid actress but didn’t quite believe in it herself. She formed the habit of sticking pins into her dignity and this venerable instrument of her nature was suffering immensely. I always felt an impulse to pull out the pins, they did inflict so much damage on V’s vulnerable personality, and I believed she could make a better use of her sharpness.

Her conversation was of a sort that gave a large license to originality and wittiness. But she accused herself of not being like some other beautiful and successful actress (who AGAIN got a part in a movie she was auditioned for) – and that competition she was constantly in with others heated me so that it almost scorched.

Some Interior (self) and Exterior (with others) Competition is like a bad and a good joke – one is amusing to everybody you care about and whose opinion matters to you, and the other is funny only to outsiders, people of the world in which you have no place of your own. An infinity of malicious amusement lurks in those who compare themselves to others instead of finding enough will to meet the metrics and values that suit them. Because to win in Exterior Competition is possible but the reward, whatever it is, won’t do one any good.

Imagine fighting in a war for a foreign government – you end up on a winning side, the country is rejoicing, dividing treasures, lands, and you … you go home with empty hands in ill-fitted uniform and no one cares about your heroic deeds in your homeland. And why would they? You didn’t fight for theirs (you got it – YOURS) freedom.

The noble war against your rivals (negative behavior, harmful habits, pessimistic thinking, procrastination, etc.) is never ending and always self-satisfactory. You win one battle and right away plan another strategic military attack on your own chosen enemies, transforming them into your comrades on a way to a better-future-you. Every victory is adding more confidence and vitality, indolent grace and ease, charm and charisma, and with every year you look far more experienced and at the same time far more youthfully alive.

Turn on the Niagara of the Infinite Change. Determine ‘What’ to Confront.

Goodness only knew how far from the truth V.’s self-understanding was. She looked down at the world through sharply evaluating everything eyes. She was somehow always out of spirits and her life was punctuated by little and big disappointments. She lived in a constant state of competition-stupidity with others and the only salvation I could see was to recharge her self-esteem, and to redirect her competitive spirit on herself.

We live and learn, experience pain and pleasure, establish relationships and break up bridges – we change. Having made this pronouncement I want to emphasize that the modification ‘to the better’ or ‘to the worse’ lies entirely with us. Like a ship you can choose to move along a sleek and oily swell that leads nowhere or a bumpy troubled sea that will get you to a wonderful shore with a marvelous view.

The process is most likely arduous and exhilarating but the result is always pyrotechnical – and when one colorful transformation takes place you cannot help waiting, open-eyed and alert, for the next one. Change to the better-future-you is fascinating, and it demands to be continued once started.

1) Procrastination

The winter of 2017 was the toughest in V.’s life. She lost her father (her mom died two years prior) and being the only child, she was now left alone. My voice was hoarse and weary with preaching the weekend I spent with her. I came to console and pull her out of that misery she thrashed herself into, willingly and almost gladly, taking that as an excuse to her apathy and lack of desire to fight her way in life.

The battle with procrastination is simply a development of magic. You stop the baa-baa business of excuses and make an action. Deeds not words are the man’s first and most grandiose invention. With directed activity, you can create a whole new universe of your own. Charge yourself with envy to a Tomorrow-You, endow yourself with passions and faculties of your inner stronger personality that was waiting for the privilege to come up front and pronounce the sentence of power and will. A lizard person should rapidly shoot up into a lion person – that power resides in every one of us.

2) Negligence

I kicked all the clothes off the bed and chairs, made V. get up and look in the mirror. Her ears didn’t play her false – I was not very picky with words when like a policeman arresting the flow of traffic I held my hand to keep her silent and listen to the voice of reason. She popped back in self-care immeasurably during the weeks spent in her deserted family dwelling. And she had clapped the door shut behind self-love and respect long before that happened. Being almost oracular in painting symbolical pictures of TRUE success through TRUE completion I made the atmosphere palpitate, and at the end of my tirade her smile was irradiation and the best reward I could ever ask for.

3) Negative Behavior

V. had a habit of talking to herself in a mocking and resentful key. And I made a goal to change it during the week we spent together in a Turkish all-inclusive hotel by the sea. This trip, that I almost forced her to agree to accompany me to, was a transformation therapy that I prescribed to my friend. My voice sounded and sounded in her ears with the insistence of mechanical noise when I went on and on in continuous expressions of love and beauty, serenity and benevolence, exquisiteness and originality of her personality.

‘How’ to Be Busily Engaged in Self-Competition and Enjoy It

I made my best to instill in V. envy to her better-future-self, substituting the raving and displeasing desire to be somebody else. Only when she took herself and the choices she made in an axiomatic loving and respecting manner was she able to call her life her own. And starting from this turning point any defects, that she had in her own eyes, became goals – a way to flawless crystal image of her future self.

1) Be Guided by Self-Love

It was worth the trouble of looking at and admiring my renewed friend. When V. stopped her bleating, bellowing, and neighing her features started to express intense intelligence which brought her self-respect back to her eyes and self-love back to her heart. Now the atmosphere about her sent a cheerful warmth and a suggestion of comfort and ease. Her loving heart spoke to her and to others. Every intercourse was amiable because positive expectation was in the air.

2) Be Led by a True Idol

V. was wrongly choosing idols from a famous Hollywood crowd, and that was a definite failure and a pointless race that painfully oppressed her heart. This false competition like an ill-made overcoat made her look ill-fitted to life. People liked her description by others better than they liked her because no one could hear her own conversation, those were only words expected, gestures already made by someone else, and expressions approved by the mirror.

When the wind of self-respect and self-love started to blow in her sails V. became a capital person to be around and to listen to. Every human being has his shell, and her shell was her vocabulary and the whole envelope of her sharp mind. Now she was brave to be different, courageous to disagree, bold to self-express, and daring to call her-future-self the best person in the world.

Do not write your life in a variety of strange hands rather than using your own. You do this when you get into external competition. It squeezes you into insignificance when you try to be someone else instead of finding your own way, style, amplua. The only hero you should be obsessed with is ‘you-tomorrow’. There is an inspiration in this strive, you grasp at pleasure and fail to get a complete hold of it as it always gets bigger and a little farther from your reach. It remains possible and impossible at the same time. And this game is never ending which makes life a fascinating experience.

3) Be Directed by Positive Criticism and Hones Praise

V. was able to unite the intrinsic (love to herself) and extrinsic (praise and criticism) advantages and became an extraordinary personality, the one that you can drink like a healthy cocktail and never have enough of the precious taste and benefits. She found the best acting teacher in a stand-up women’s comedy show. People praised her, and she rejoiced, friends criticized sometimes, and she was grateful. She started as an out-of-stage minor character and won her way to a leading actress participating in every show in her best disguise – never rudely present, always profitably clever and wisely funny. Everything she did or said was up to the most intelligent unoffensively critical and humorous way. Ingenious people loved her, and slightly shallow minds didn’t understand and avoided her – and that was just the price for being true – likable and not so much, lovable and not so much, respected and always so.

Conclusion

Woe to those who dream of what others have and fail to see the potential in themselves. Competition with others runs you into a blind alley. It takes the truth and love to present to you an internal competition anew. To be guided by things meaningful for you is like an invocation to a sacred beauty that awaits you on this way. The world is made small if you busy yourself with the faults of other people. When you overcome your fears and strive to be better than you were yesterday – the world enlarges by your presence. Living in this state you are never in repose but forever in flight. You arrest yourself for a moment when you reach one goal and continue an endless way to a better-you. Every move you make is a smile not a sigh. The vision of ‘you-tomorrow’ should be intoxicating and reviving.

Stay tuned…

Mental Health

My Encounter With Energy Vampires and Protective Techniques I’ve Learned

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Now I know how to spot, understand, and survive

Do not lock yourself in the secret tower of your deafness and muteness when a danger to be drained by a vampire presents itself. – Olya Aman

I became a member of ‘Pen-Friends’ club, aspiring authors of my little countrified and old-fashioned town in the spring of 2011.

There wasn’t a nerve in me this experience hadn’t twisted. It wrongs my heart to think that one of my books was so close to being buried in the coffin of a negatively false critic. The true nature of this club made me shiver with repulsion, sell my house, and change my address.

Hunting in the Night

I always loved reading and had a great natural aptitude for creating fascinating stories. I finished my book and its manuscript burned my fingers. When a friend of mine offered to spend a long winter night reading and discussing it in a company of like-minded people, I rejoiced and agreed with delight. Little that I knew what it would make me fear for the sanity of my mind and the soundness of my body.

Energy vampires prevent you from keeping your body and emotional state in health. There is nothing like a cheerful mind to stay sound and strong against any life challenge. Vampires defy positive and happy people to the teeth and do their best to wipe out the smile off their faces.

Dracula #1 — The Narcissist

We always met on the dark side of twilight and the owner of the house welcomed everyone with an uncompromising face, hard diction, and vibrating consonants. Dracula #1 was as crisp, new, and comprehensive as the first issue of a book before the folding in a cover. And from top to toe he had no misprint. But when I looked thoughtfully enough, I saw a person who admitted nothing and down faced everybody but himself.

If he could not out-argue me on the point of the value of my book, he bullied me and took my silence for agreement with his views.

A Narcissist Energy Vampire‘s face is decorated with a constant sign of grandiosity, a lack of empathy, and a craving for admiration. Such a person will collect his arrogance, self-centeredness, and ‘ME-first’ philosophy and hurl them into your face.

Dracula #2 — The Victim

Dracula #2 was very easy to sympathize with, but it was not at all easy to be of any help. She was apt to carry her head thrust forward and somewhat down in an imploring attitude as if she was looking to any available advice. But as soon as you offered one, she adopted a highly tragic and devoured by remorse air. Dracula #2 was not willing to listen, not looking for the solution, enjoying the attention, blooming only when complaining, and rejecting any possible solution.

In her company, my brains got so dry that I almost lost my wits. She made me feel sorry for the lack of inspiration, imagination, and confidence in her life.

Victim Vampires dwell in the enormous mileage of suffering, low self-esteem, and lack of self-responsibility. They will fill you with guilt, blaming your actions and behavior for every negative aspect in their lives.

Dracula #3 — The Passive-Aggressive

Dracula #3 hated the world and its inhabitants with a quiet smile on his rather handsome face. No one looked half so tranquil among this group. In his company, I suffocated from the toxic energy that saturated from his whole being. I flatted myself that he had got a tough nut to crack, but little by little he made me begin a new record of angry self-doubts.

With Passive-Aggressive Vampires, a thing promised is never a thing done. There is no way to make them speak directly and about the matter at hand. They always jump on the negative side of things but will not admit it to anybody.

Dracula #4 — The Drama Addict

Dracula #4 looked like an Arabian sheik with his snow-white beard and frosty sparkling eyes. He was a high-class expert in the art of making people cross with each other, cry to the deaf ears of opponents, and crash nearby loudly smashable objects.

Spending just a few moments near this person, I felt rather erased, blotted out from the healthy realm of normal life. He fed upon the lives of others, and to amuse himself he used a special scheme of telling lies and spreading slough scandal about people he knew.

Melodramatic Energy Vampires make you agonizingly conscious of the ‘catastrophes’ all over the world that you otherwise would not know about. They make up in drama around what they lack in their lives.

Dracula #5 — The Guilt Tripper

Dracula #5 had her hour of victory when with malicious intention she made me believe she was a trustworthy friend. And when my heart was open, she triumphantly ended any amicable intercourse, exchanging it to a pretentious smile. She invented various scenarios to make me feel sorry for the things I’d done and confided to her. Her sudden transformation was the major reason that raced my shadow away from my hometown.

Guilt Trippers have no sense of proportion when it comes to pressing your insecurity buttons. They want to imprison their misery in a false sense of power and control by blaming you for every misfortune in their life. Inventing this manipulative business, they make you do what they want.

Dracula #6 — The Splitter

Dracula #6 was very handy with tools to separate and make people jealous. She found the way to spread vile gossips about me and my boyfriend. The entire scene with my lover was an unutterable mixture of tragedy and pathos.

Splitter Vampires seek relief from their loneliness in making other people unhappy. They waste their time in the imbecile routines that go by the name of divorce and separation. It is axiomatic for them that people in a union cannot live in contentment.

Dracula #7 — The Criticizer

Dracula #7 was not tall, but he carried his head so haughtily that he looked a commanding figure and there was something cunning and sharp in the look of his closely set little grey eyes. He disapproved of every attempt of my authorship experimentations in his engaging, deep, and a little husky voice.

I almost lost an ability to think under a tyranny of his pressing personality. He reasoned well and was driving at making me doubt my book and forsake an idea to publish it.

Judgmental Vampires are virtuosos in making rude comments, judge your decisions, talking about wrongs and ‘bads’ and saying nothing nice. Being close to these people will make you feel small and ashamed for no reason.

Dracula #8 — The Fixer

After a while, I got restless as one did under the heat of a sultry summer day. Dracula #8’s advice seemed so easy to follow and never fixed anything, rather made me cease to think about my problems and let them grow and multiply till I could not close my eyes on them anymore.

Peculiar charm and vividness of her sweet talk made one forget the important meeting, skip the urgent payment, let the important opportunity leave your grip. She had a great stock of excuses that I could easily borrow with no charge but self-reproach in ex post facto manner.

Fixer or Controller Vampires walk in your life without knocking and start controlling and dictating what you supposed to do and how you are expected to feel. They do not quite put their finger on the opinions you have, because they always have their own — and those are indisputable.

Strategies for Survival

In a company of these people, I became almost not real anymore. This wretched book club made me forget all my responsibilities toward my family and friends. They had been quite ‘blowing my trumpet’ to win my confidence at the beginning. And at the end, I became a person on which they exercised their revolting abilities to drain and drench.

That was a lesson to learn and never to be forgotten. I learned to stay positive no matter what happened, and what others thought about me. Now nothing can shake the step of my intellectual pace. I believe in myself and in people I love and care about.

Assess your emotional capacity and strengthen it.

Your understanding of yourself should be a gambit in the game of life. Self-reflect with genius and do not let self-love be a theoretical feeling — do that in earnest. Only this way you will know how much of a particular person you can take. A privilege to choose what and whom to let into your life reserved to you alone.

Determine how much of a threat to you the energy vampire is.

Determine what kind of a threat is in front of you and how much of it you can take. If you still feel that your head aches, your dry sleepless eyes feel as though they were bruised from behind, and the blood is beating within your ears — the intercourse with some person was too much and you need to remove the danger.

Vampire identification.

It doesn’t quite come home to these drainers that the entire world does not revolve around them. They seem somewhat afraid of responsibility and are in constant search for victims to put the weight of it on. One distinguishable feature of their personalities is a pessimistic approach to life.

The decision to make.

Has it flashed upon your vision that we attract in our lives what we haven’t improved in ourselves? Once you embrace with strong arms the issues in yourself, address them, work through — you will feel the fragrance of freedom. Every ‘Dracula’, deprived of the opportunity to prey on you, will leave you in peace searching for a more drainable victim.

Recognize when you’re being drained by an energy vampire. Take control of your nervous organization, follow your breathing, visualize a shielding barrier, a buffer zone, where no negative influence can penetrate.

Stay tuned…

Personal Growth

Why Social Media Overtakes the World

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“I want to have memories that are realities and are better than anything that can ever happen to anyone”, said P. in a husky, breathy voice, and stole cautiously towards the house.

Introduction

P. always had a real aesthetic passion for antiquity. He bought a house, magnificent and terribly incommodious. It was offered at a great bargain. He was working tooth and nail to pay the bills. Now this property was out of danger. But there was time when he almost lost it… and himself.

P. was tall, lean, loosely and feebly put together. His face was ugly, sickly grayish color. But it was a charming face – he looked clever and ill. His blazing eyes were beautiful. In his three-and-seventy he stepped in his life with the eager nimbleness of a boy. The time when he was seven-and-fifty, ruined in spirit, body, and monies had been far away but not forgotten.

1) Early Days and Struggles

His success was not rapid and had much of the inoffensiveness of failure. He was kind when he needed to be cruel, generous when life asked for frugality, emotional and quick-tempered when patience and reserve were at stake.

The house was too much for him in many ways. Too expensive, too big, too ugly, too isolated, too everything. It had an Elizabethan flavor about it and served as another nail in the ancient coffin of his financial troubles. Still, it became his salvation, ruining him and reviving anew. It was the sunshine of his life and he protected it with volcanic energy. 

You need the push and self-assertiveness to get ahead in professional life.

When a great natural aptitude for your business is in you, you are never as happy as when you do what you’ve been created for. Often, one needs many years and struggles to find the very thing one likes. In the course of working life, one parts with many illusions. The stories of success help the faculty of being interested in life from becoming worn out. There are many wonderful people, true people, and getting to know them virtually or personally is like going to a revival meeting and being converted to a success creed.

2) Close to Devastation

P.’s nature was the one that improved under strain that would kill a weaker person. He realized his mistake in buying this place but in ex post facto manner. He got into a financial pit and lost everything. He didn’t feel weepy, drying up the springs of regret in his heart. All faculties of his mighty brain were thrown into a struggle to find a way to get his dear home back. He could not see himself full and contented without it. One can pity such devotion towards a soulless thing, but he had a heart big enough to hold the love for the building, and the bodies occupying it and sharing his devotion. His wife seldom lost sight of the fact of him being so passionate about it. She interrupted his life with friendship and observed it with love, so he never had lack of affectionate emotion coming from a dear soul.

They stayed in the house waiting for the order to desert it. He couldn’t even think about the need to part with his dear soulless friend. His brain was all in a whirl, looking for the quick way to set them all at ease. Prior to that time, P. worked days and nights to keep it warm and cozy for his family. He had no chance to enjoy the luxury of staying in it long enough to warm his heart. The truck business he owned was calling his attention. When the first heavy snowfall left him in debt, three of his trucks broken and the forth offered as means to pay for the loss – he had no job and no money to spare even on food.

Never let yourself being invaded by a failure.

It, when coming to your life, should push you even harder to the goal you have. You become wiser with every misfortune, it enlarges your horizon. Every succeeding act of your life play is going to be better, more joyous, and less sad. Look for the stock of professional stories that are available online. People talk with vividness about their achievements, showing the way to success and giving a favorable interpretation to everything. And we all need a positive view on things, an optimistic expectation from life. This kind of energy is healthy for your mind, soul, and body.

3) Glimmer of a Solution

The idea presented itself when P. started to wander through his social media accounts. Now he had more time to look at his friends’ pages, admiring happy families of ones, and successful lives of travel and adventure of others. He was not discouraged by the displayed accomplishments of his former classmates, neighbors, and distant and close relations. P. was rather motivated to find a way to improve his life so that he can claim his house a soul property with no dread to lose it and enjoy his stay in it when and as long as he wanted.

He was searching through the success stories of other people, Facebook, YouTube, and Instagram influencers. People who were drafting the rules to live by, and enjoyed what they did, earning their living, commanding their time, and mastering their futures. He thought himself almost past everything but the former business he knew. Was it late to learn a different route in life? P. was taken up with the idea to add an internet turn to his life and regain freedom.

Always put new steps and slides to your idea.

If one way of reaching it is not working, do not change the idea, change the way to it. Add spring and variety to your imagination. Go against some obstacles and around them, outran them with your feeling and faith in a favorable outcome. You should always look back at the people who are able to introduce you to the world of ideas and propel your mental awakening. The atmosphere of endeavor, of expectancy and bright hopefulness should prevail in your life. This blissful vibe attracts positive events in life.

4) A Breakthrough Idea

P.’s excitable temperament rebounded from one extreme to the other. His belief in the sacred character of his social media enterprise made him almost tremble with passionate rage. And an idea gained in force by the energy with which it was expressed. His countrified old house served as his Muse. He filmed his life story and the history of the place, both of them worn like coins that had been long out of use. He kept the video at a high temperature, the success of it owed much to the mysterious melancholy of the place, where things had happened – many people died there, and that made it full of life.

Viral it became, being perfect frost for about two months and after that, suddenly, hundreds, thousands, and millions of views across all social media platforms. People spread the content, shared it with their friends and family. P.’s heart spoke to the hearts of other people. He made his life a poem, cuffed and buffeted through the world it became a hymn of struggle and devotion.

It may take time and many trials to get to the point you want. Never despair. Break into a run if needs be or slow down with it if time is not right. But never lose a strong hold of it. Do not try to live like the mice in the kitchen, making no noise, leaving no traces – be loud if it helps, be bright and big, and make people notice you. Do not be consumed by life, rather, dominate it and set your own nutrition standards.

5) Relief and Freedom

P. lost many things that others kept at his age, but his inner glow didn’t fade. He hadn’t lost the fire of life. His skin was hardened by hard work, old lazy eyes kept the images from the past, and all the strong things of his heart came out in his body, that was so tireless in serving generous emotions.

Freedom added vigor to P.’s personality. The list of his followers was huge, he shared every memorable event in the course of his crowded years and those videos had a deep color of emotion, that didn’t leave a nerve in people that was not twisted. He happened to be gifted with the ability to speak to the hearts of others and make an adventure even from a simple life event. His stories were fascinating, his personality captivating.

So many people are bound to devote every hour of their life to the task they do not like, their glances repressed, their voices hushed. Life goes on for them without delight, only evasions and negations, saving cramps of moments to be with dear people and back to the artificial toils of working life. Do not be negative about your dreams. Start as a hobby and step by step make every effort to help it become dominant in your professional life. Only when you do what you love you live freely, not working anymore but enjoying every day you devote to your favorite venture, that now earns you a living.

Conclusion

Your enthusiasm, your violent likes drive your life and assert themselves in all the every-day occupations of it. Work should be a prolonged festival. Every trial and obstacle should acquire celebrity by their defeat. Find a story that inspires you and a person that motivates you. Do not lose inquisitive and experimental quality and always boost every intellectual pace of your mind. Read and research, share your ideas and look for the advice from people who already at the point of their life where you are aiming to go.

Stay tuned…

Mental Health

An Autistic Boy Helped Me Recover After a Loss

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Know the difference between distractive loneliness and desired solitude

Olya Aman
My kind of loneliness rather aggravated than relieved the gloom of my life. – Olya Aman

I stole cautiously towards my secluded bench in the middle of a little island of sunflowers in their utmost bloom and richness of color. One would be almost invisible amongst those kingly looking plants with their golden crowns and massive leaves.

My face during that tough, lonely period of my life was a good deal over-serious for my two and twenty. I was well-nigh alien to this stunning and bewildering scene. My gloominess quite confounded the senses.

I looked at the boy on my bench, my neighbor, in mute and timid wonder. How did he end up on my patch? The intelligence that shone in the deep green eyes of this autistic boy, when I finally had a chance to look into them, seemed scarcely of his age, or of the world. The changing expression of good humor and seriousness, his ability to blush very red to the ears, made me admire a thousand lights that played about his face.

When I rented a small cottage in this remote village, I took no notice of other people and very little of this boy, although we were house to house neighbors and met often coming out and getting in our homely places, both thresholds facing each other. I seemed hard upon my thoughts, constantly looking down as if examining my boots and the ground right under my feet.

That day I smiled at this boy and said a word of polite greeting, but he, dedicated to his thoughts, didn’t respond. I discovered that this ability to concentrate made him a fantastic listener. At that moment in my life, he became my salvation. I was pouring on him a torrent of personal sentiments.

Not looking at me, he said, “L.. l.. l..”, then a long pause. The boy had a severe stammer. Finally, he produced his name in an unusually deep baritone, “Liam”. We communicated in notes from his side and words from mine. The first thing he wrote was, “You are lonely.” And he was right.

I told him my love story and although he avoided any eye contact and scribbled something in his little journal all the way; I knew he was all ears.

“I am in love with a dead person. If I knew him longer, I could have loved him longer. I miss his clear and pure miniature skies under the arch of his eyebrows. Only in his company I felt no need to think of what to say. Every moment of silence was a blessing, every word uttered was a revelation. He poured out more treasures of his luxurious inner nature in one minute than anyone else could’ve done in his entire life.” Liam brushed tears from my cheeks with his checked handkerchief. It was so old and soft, as if a tender touch of a mother.

“Only two years I spent in this blissful state. He missed our second anniversary. He‘d been run over by a car.”

Liam handed me a note with the following question, “Do you feel that your happiness is owing to him, and without his presence, your existence lacks purpose?” This boy could read my heart.

We met every day on that same bench. I was talking; he was scribbling. I said to Liam that I voluntarily chose isolation. I nurtured the notion I differed from all other people that surrounded me. I saw the world in clouds and fogs rather than in colors and vibes. I perceived people as rough creatures, not fit to understand my pain and be my companions.

I busied myself diving in my newly formed plan of moving to the village and burring my over-drained mind in simple farm occupations that required no thinking but just hard physical work. I used to have the vastness of feelings to lose myself in. Now I tried to be forgotten and forget.

When at home I felt my words thrown out, conversations started and no one to address them to. I used to defend myself tragically in an empty room in front of an imaginary lover. My bitter remarks dashed in vain against empty walls. I ate and drank, but it didn’t put any heart in me.

I couldn’t sleep, the night was fast closing, not gifting me with rejuvenating rest. I carried myself with the air of a weary person, feeling the claws of depression pressing harder on my chest. I had no tools to cope with stress, life attractions seemed to be hidden from my eyes. I found it harder with each day to approach people.

Liam listened. When I was done, he handed me his journal and smiled.

Liam wrote the following

It is vital to know the difference between loneliness that feels draining, distractive, and upsetting; and desired solitude that is peaceful, creative, and restorative. I found that you suffer from six kinds of distractive loneliness.

  1. New-Place Loneliness by the nature of things may force a person into the embrace of solitude. Shutting oneself up for a long time may create a communicative barrier that will prevent a person from seeing an opportunity to meet people.
  2. No-Soulmate Loneliness, when intimate bounds are missing. A beloved person is a source of love energy. Missing a romantic partner fills the heart with silence that is not soothing but upsetting.
  3. Lack-of-Trust Loneliness is a pessimistic approach to life. If you do not believe in the existence of truly well-intentioned, kind, and helpful people — you do not believe in life itself.
  4. No-Time-for-Connection Loneliness is misleading. To throw oneself into daily occupations not leaving any space for yourself and for others is a big mistake. That time may be considered lost because there is no one to share the pleasures of your achievements with.
  5. I-Am-Different Loneliness is quite a mystical state of mind. It is good to be different, feel oneself unique. But there is a fine ground between feeling different and feeling superior. The first one is most often positive, rather than the other is for sure negative. To teleport oneself from negative to the positive side of uniqueness is extremely important. To achieve it, you just need to open your perception to the ability to see the individuality in others. The uniqueness of personality, when multiplied, creates a wonderful cocktail of human characters.
  6. Quiet-Presence Loneliness is the lack of companionable silence. Sometimes we need someone to be just there for us, present in the room but not intrusive into our thoughts. The knowledge that we are not alone adds a comforting element to our lives. It is always pleasant to enter a habitable place after the day’s strain and excitement, rather than to find no eyes to look into during dusk hours.

What you should do to recover after your loss

  • Stay open for others. Connect with people. Nurture relationships. You need to feel that you belong, to confide, to give and get support. Attempt to secure the favor of warm-hearted people. That will add peculiarity to your personality.
  • Give love and you will receive it back multiplied. Be generous and wrap your beloved people up in attention and affection. Your life will be full of light, of unmingled happiness, if you cherish faith in the best in people.

This autistic boy changed my attitude toward life

Friendship, which before these days seemed impossible, crept in my life accompanied by blithesome music of this boy’s kind heart. That music taught me to value the treasures of the heart over any material possessions. I stopped feeling superior over others, admitting that I had tons to learn from simple people with little to boast of in terms of monetary luxuries, and so much in terms of values of the heart.

When I let myself be open to the truest, warmest, soul-felt gratitude — I saw more smiling faces around. The reason was simple — the charming smile found its way to my face, and even though I had forgotten how to wear it, my gentle nature was always ready to master every positive skill all over again. I learned to share the devotion and affection of my nature so long locked and sealed inside my soul. This transformation brought deep and lasting relationships with other people.

My mind was firmly set on never to return to the sorrow and calamity of my past distractive life apprehensions. I intended to not let my positive spirit tarnish. My long suffered heart found the perfect formula for happiness, and the key element in it was a strong connection to other people.

Stay tuned…

Mental Health

How Backbiting and Gossiping Ruined My Happiness

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Why, or rather when the opinion of others matters

Spend precious moments stubbornly biting your lips, speaking sternly, and acting openly… – Olya Aman

Dima was my first boyfriend. A terrible bore as he was, I loved him dearly. I always thought him to be above the average in the firmness of his mind. He read classic literature and spoke the language of 19th century romance. We were young and very much in love.

Dima was a sensible and handsome young boy of twenty at the time. I was a smart, pretty girl of eighteen with merry grey eyes and lofty, intelligent forehead. Today when I see a photo of us together, I remember how contagiously happy we were.

One incident ruined our happiness. Dima thought himself deceived, duped, and hopeless. A slough scandal was spread through the entire village and finally found its way to Dima’s ears. The tempest of doubt and dread, of jealousy and rage, almost blinded him. Some shallow minds believed it right away. People that wished us bad luck were rejoicing.

I got to the root of it only by hints and innuendos, as no one dared to speak openly with me about it. I stopped any intercourse with the poisoned humanity, the ones that readily accepted the circulating vile slander.

Why it is normal to rip up the ties.

Dima’s spirits rose almost to madness when he heard the dreadful story of me being unfaithful to our love. I thought nothing could crush his faith in our shared future. The story was a lame one. Unfortunately, he believed that I could swear love to someone else.

The first night after discovering that his best friend was an instigator of the slander, a paroxysm of anger disquieted Dima’s breathing, and he bitterly reproached himself for the moment of weakness. His friend, a worthless reprobate, an impracticable fool, gave food to envenomed tongues, and they started to talk about me as if I was a little frivolous kitten going around and gifting my love to insipid individuals.

Eventually, Dima cut all ties with that false friendship. Forgot the way to his friend’s house. Wiped him off his phone contacts and social media accounts. He brushed the dirt of this acquaintance from his life. After what happened, Dima knew too well to keep such people at a great distance from his life.

Why, or rather when the opinion of others matters.

My heart rejoiced when my parents and my elder sister took my side in this insinuated story. I felt strong support and stoic faith from them. My close friends showed me the true value of their relationship. People that sincerely wished me to be happy took pains to consider everything thoroughly. They recollected what they knew about me and found not even one reason to surrender to the falsehood circulating in the village.

Why take the reins in your hands.

This occurrence served as a great lesson for both of us. Dima’s so-called friend, being a jealous and wicked person, ruined our happiness. He did his utmost to bring about a fatal collapse to the true love between two faithful hearts. That unfortunate affair taught me to avoid provokingly jealous, heartless, and artificial people. I clean my life from any false attachment.

Today I make my life a pleasant experience, awakened by grand people. The mention of any piece of news that concerns me is heart-felt when coming from a loving soul and easily forgotten when coming from a distant and unimportant acquaintance.

Conclusion

People tend to talk. We may like it or not — but they talk about us. It may aggravate you, but I would encourage you to take no notice of judgments that come from people that do not bring value to your life. Whatever they think should be considered a slight thing. It by no means should disturb the equanimity of your mind or had any injurious effect upon your appetite.

A true friend will cry and laugh with you, not at you. The one that gives you handsome compliments in your face and talks about you with much malicious philosophy behind your back is not a friend. Rejoice when you find out about some false attachment. Let this person go as far from your life as possible and wish him good-speed. Remember that the ones that stay — worth hundreds of those that had left. This is a natural life improving, beautifying process. You multiply positivity but getting rid of negativity.

By the way, it is better to be talked about. That means people find your life interesting and for sure a better topic to discuss than whatever their own existence presents. So, let them do what they please and continue to live as YOU please.

Stay tuned…

Personal Growth

Get Threatening Charisma on Pain of a Discovering Journey

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Explore the unknown places and learn about yourself

You’ll gaze with awe at me… – Olya Aman

Supreme importance of charisma

Deep blue eyes and a little scar. The natural grace of my person and that deep voice with a slight wheeze, as if it was broken and never fixed properly. I have that nervous organization that makes one think I am constantly struggling with myself. You will be put out by my peculiarities when you first see me.

I receive every person gruffly enough to avert any foolery towards me. But the atmosphere around me is so healthy and benign after just a moment‘s reflection that every fine-bodied specimen of humankind cannot resist my natural magnetism.

My story is fascinating. So Bent your listening ear to the faintest sound of my charismatic voice…

Become your own faithful friend.

When young and inexperienced, we have a very limited view on ourselves. Often lost in self-doubt, we timidly make unpropitious choices. To avert most misfortunes is to never derogate from every opportunity to learn about ourselves. When your perception goes to many countries and discovers many human characters, the despairing voice of private doubtful thoughts becomes less and less audible until it finds no echo in your soul.

I spent all my childhood years in my native little cozy house in rural Germany. My parents as two faithful guardians kept close watch over their only beloved child, not letting me wander too far from their watchful lead.

I dreamt about courageous travel enterprises, and a world map on my bedroom wall was my devoted comforter. No wonder my favorite subject in school was geography. I could not have enough of every bit of information about the places I wanted to visit.

My mom was not indifferent to my lamentations, but my dad was out of all positive spirits when I announced to them that I’d saved enough money from my laboring vacations to go around the world. By-the-by they used to the idea and offered me a deal that was going to save peace between us.

I had one year right after finishing high school to do what I pleased, but when the time was up, I had to submit to their order and enter the university they’d already picked for me.

Get rid of your private misgivings.

Often the lack of first-hand impressions, that only traveling experience can provide, goes hand in hand with the lack of life-defining self-knowledge. People and places, above all things, teach us to rise to our misfortunes and feel genuine pride for what we do and who we are, and without those, life may be doomed to disappointment.

It dumb-founders my mind now to think about all the self-doubts I had. I left my country being scared as a sheep going right to the claws of a wolf. I was exploding with private misgivings.

Well… To tell the truth, there was not much for me to be worried about, my parents being over productive and overthinking every little thing about my bon-voyage. I had a place to stay in each country on my list: close mother’s friend here, old father’s coworker there, a third cousin of my grandma’s younger sister, a respectable host family… and so on and on and on.

In three months and seven countries, I was driven to my wit’s end by hospitality and predictability and went astray with my plan.

And that when the self-discovery journey began.

Discover new places and get into self-digging.

Most people find themselves hindered in believing that the choice made for them by someone they trust and love is the most prudent and favorable. Disquietude becomes a daily companion for these people and they often find themselves sunk in deepest thought about all other scenarios that could have been possible and most likely happy.

India by far was the most interesting place I visited. This country taught me to love my blunders rather than being ashamed of them. At any rate, they suited me admirably. I mixed words and time-zones; I forgot names and numbers; I got lost in wonderings and markets… but I was good-tempered and compassionate — and those were the only valuable things needed in the country where heart treasures reign over any material possessions.

Now I can see clearly that if I hadn’t made mistakes at that time, I would’ve failed in becoming who I am today. I was finally disposed to favor myself to the utmost not ‘despite of’ but ‘even if’ finding myself tripping.

Traverse the countries and occupations.

Traveling helps to obtain a commanding view on all the possible scenarios in life. By trying new things and learning new skills, we get a better picture of how other people make their living. There is no other way to know if you like it unless you do it, even if for a short time.

Halfway to Sydney, Australia, and a half through the predetermined traveling year, I got tired of misnomers. In France I was a writer, a true worshiper of Hemingway; in Spain I dared play Gaudi; in Italy — Michelangelo; a philosopher in Greece, a detective in England, a politician in Ireland…

I gave myself enough concern on the subject and scrupulously went through my abilities and preferences. Outfits and movies were my bug-bear faults. This passion I decided to transform to dexterity in the next six months I still had to myself. I needed to provide valuable and doubtless proof of my talents so that my dear parents could agree that successful leaving was possible in this occupation. And here I am — a film costume designer.

Beguile the time with valuable encounters.

One worthy encounter can open up a prospect of a brilliant future. The material advantages of some fortune cannot compete with a good conversation that makes the burning ambition possess the person and make him conquer the dream of his life. In the nature of things, people are more costly than any soulless things. So let the new encounters be incessantly renewed in your life.

I worked on many film sets. Found great connections, many acquaintances, and a few friends. I longed to tear away this industry and endured many inclemencies along the way. I was kicked out of my first place in Sydney where I traversed with one of the leading actors trying to push through his objections my vision of his character’s look.

I spent two months in Moscow helping to film a comedy series. My life there was full of daring and chivalry when I was in love, and incessant doubt and torturing suspense when the euphoria ended.

Just an outside observer in China, no one willing to take an apprentice with no language skills what so ever. An errand girl in Canada and an assistant to the Costume Director in Hollywood. Many places, many characters, a load of co-existing experience, and quite a bit in the trade itself.

Become a guru in your trade.

The wealth of feeling — love to your chosen career, should be a cult — the accelerator that drives you to improve yourself constantly and elbow your way through any difficulties to the desired height. The cup of that struggle to learn should leave a sweetness of illustrious improvement on your lips.

Often I find myself in a supernatural aberration of mind that induces me to see the characters, especially if it is historical or fantasy movies. Those are my favorite. I enjoy every day of my life and consider myself endowed in an eminent degree.

This is why you should travel

Traveling by far is the best generator of positive developing stresses in life. The scenes our senses go through should be bewildering sometimes, stunning often, and gloomy now and then.

There is no need to run to and fro and burst in and out in life — you will always be the better (as the case might be for a thoughtful voyage) when gratified by new encounters, in a frenzy of love to nature, and seeing the distinct glimmer of your dream coming true. Explore the unknown places and learn about yourself on the way to every destination.

Stay tuned…

Personal Growth

4 Healing Properties of a Good Book

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Revelation of an Elderly Wizard

Reading Life Straight Through

When a large enough supply of tears was forced into my eyes by some hydraulic process my parents finally agreed to let me go to an evening afterschool class for little tricksters. Many elders considered it a waste of time. And W. (being a lean, long-backed, stiff-necked, with great quantity of snow-white hair everywhere old weirdo, who had forsaken his daily respectable employment for a dubious occupation as a magic teacher) didn’t excite a qualified approval from majority of our villagers.

He was a man that turned over the leaf of his life to bring about a new happy page. He left his work after the death of his wife because he decided to fulfill his childhood greatest dream. I was tended with his kindness and solicitude when those suspicious but respectable circumstances brought me to his care. He became an old wizard and I was his little assistant.

Our conversations always took a very improving turn. We talked about my cares for the present, anxieties for the future, and his troubles from the past. His life, although realized to the full contentment of it only at a dusk of his age, was an expression of gentle and quiet happiness, organized in an orderly and neatly manner.

1) Waive the Magic Literary Wand

W. had a heart large enough for any three old folks as himself and no kids of his own to bestow his devotion and love on. When his wife died even his boots started to creak in a very sad and lonely manner. His countenance underwent a great variety of gloomy contortions. He needed to replenish the empty space. Reading books became his salvation. Now, retiring himself from work, he had enough time to spend on things he loved and never prior to these days had an opportunity to devote himself to.

A life can be revolutionized by a good book. After some reflection everyone would agree that it is never late to replace feeble narrow-mindedness with eagerness of perception. And that enthusiastic approach to life can be achieved by simply turning the pages of a RIGHT book.

Reading about self-development (for example some volume by the pen of Dr. Wayne Dyer) will lend fresh vigor to someone’s life. This kind of literature calls into view all the blessings we have and reminds us to be grateful.

A murmur of admiration is running through your essence when you read the outpouring revelations of a beautiful soul.

2) Enchant Your Mood

W. had a strong appetite for science fiction, fantasy, and mystery books. And no one could dare to talk about magic without due respect in his presence. He would put an injured look right away – this topic being his favorite. W. decided to heighten his cognitive abilities as well as train his brain to the craft of diverting his attention from depressing thoughts. He started his literary journey of recovery with a few books about tricks and magic by his bedside.

It is so natural to triumph over life difficulties by burying yourself in the pages of a book that always makes you feel good. Any time you feel like the world has been turned upside down, grab that read of yours – put the world right-side up and calm your over-wrought nerves.

A person who rocks his monotonous existence to and fro can banter himself with the pages about lives and trials of great adventurers like those that Jules Verne depicted. A daily renewed appetite for fresh sensation will most likely be satisfied by a detective story that Arthur Conan Doyle or Agatha Christie wrote. Anne and Charlotte Bronte as well as Jane Austen will put you in a fit of loving enthusiasm and excitement that will cure your wearied heart and brain.

There is a book for every temperament and mood that with half-paternal attention will be guarding your inner peace and wellbeing.

3) Be Charmed by a Variety

W. claimed to be out-and-out an expert in the art of multi-reading. He had a mood-uplifting book when thoughts about his poor wife came around. Another cheerful read saved him from getting too bored on a lonely evening. And when he felt eager to learn something new he grasped at a great masterpiece of authorship (as he considered this book), which was “A Tutorial for Young Wizards” by an anonymous author.

Try your utmost to master the great art of modifying the vibrations of your mood. Nowadays it is easier to be done than ever before. Although, our patience is getting tried more often by the speed of life. So, all the better, we need to become experts in self-help techniques.

Download on your phone the best uplifting, funny, brain-developing, and peace-creating specimens in the literary world and control the level of positivity by reading a little of each book at the right moment. Waiting in a doctor’s office, a bit nervous – humorous dialog on a page is a great prescription in this case. Feeling tension after a meeting with your boss – some meditative message will for sure open your heart for lighter feelings. Bored and lonely at home – time to learn something new to be able to converse on interesting topics and consequently finding new friends to brighten your melancholy dusk hours.

There is a solution for every problem that is already written by some wise man. Find a book that renews your vehemence and let your mood to be of incomparable docility when you read it.

4) Stay Delighted When in Motion

The intricacies of wizards’ lives were always throwing W.’s thoughts into condition close to delirium. One day, driving in his truck and listening to an audiobook about traveling circus, an idea corrupted his mind. At that moment he realized how he can grasp at happiness. His childhood dream appeared less and less chimerical.

Conclusion

When a child W. used to always talk about being a Magician one day. His parents grew heated with angry desperation to bring him to a sober mind and his desire grew softer till completely killed by opposition. He started to ruminate on his old dream while listening to that audio. A glimmer of a solution came to his mind when he visited our village school performance on some occasion or other. W., holding his dream fast by the hand, talked with his old friend who happened to be the director of our school at that time, and started an evening ‘Young Magicians’ club. Up went W.’s life when out and about went his little trickster-pupils…I was one of them.

We have to become high-class experts in self-learning and development. Let us look facts in the face, nowadays our employments are too numerous, our leisure hours – too precious, and that is the reason why we need to do our utmost to preserve ourselves from wasting our time on anything that tires and distresses us.

Grabbing after great improving read is an elevating self-therapy. Any life, be it a drab-color or overdense-color one, can be cured with a good book. It may seem a fatiguing mission to the one who didn’t flip through many pages. But once you’ve found your own Scheherazade, life stops running helter-skelter and gets in a peaceful order.

Stay tuned…

Ebooks

How to Navigate in a Multitude of the Literary World: 3 Major Principles

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An advice from a genius writer whose masterpieces the world missed to see.

May I Present

my friend A. He is at his late 60s and, my word, in his youth he must have been irresistible. His face is mapped with roads and rivers that only time and extreme life challenges can create. Each line presents a reasonable attempt at exquisiteness.

A.’s speech has a gentlemanly flavor about it – makes you think of frockcoat, stick, and bowler. His sixty and some years had not impaired his intelligent vivacity. Indeed, his conversation could not be otherwise than profitable to me, for he is thoroughly acquainted with the art of coming out winning over the difficulty of getting a volume of value.

You cannot find more devoted to the crafty pen person. A.’s inward exultation at seeing his works read is heartwarming. Although, you must be in a circle of chosen few close and trusted friends to be able to have a glance at his poems. Humble and dubious he never made his words public. I want to gratify his work by just saying that reading those words aloud would have made my lips bleed in painful admiration.

The luxury of this conversation is sublime. So, let us have a real, rattling good time with A. and fix up the book business.

1) Worldwide Known Classics

“There is almost as much charm in a quality literary work as there is in first love. The certainty of success the world-renowned masterpiece achieved diminished all likelihoods to make the wrong choice. When you are sitting down to a book of Leo Tolstoy or Charles Dickens you always have your own say in an artistic conversation. The most superb taste will be satisfied with memoirs of a genius, or the fiction that is written so skillfully that can be taken for a sober fact.”

No need to throw your thoughts in confusion on seeing the vast shelves full of unknown volumes. The classic works are soothing to the mind and consoling to the soul. Their depth and complexity train your perception to see the splendor of the characters that flourish in our society. By reading world respected books you cultivate your mind and develop your intellect.

2) A Darn Good Person

“I need a personal connection with a writer. That is why I employ myself in finding the ones I can respect. If a particular author manages to secure my favor, I will read those books with no delay. The great art of authorship should be accompanied by the true virtues of a person’s heart and soul.”

Research the facts from a novelist’s life to make sure that you can relate to his/her values. Let the life of your favorite writer provoke the best feelings in you. This way you can add to your strong passions a solid appetite for a meaningful life.

3) A Protagonist’s Recommendation

“A book that strengthens my heart and an author that seals my best affections have the right to divert my attention towards some other literary work. This kind of a qualified approval is tended by me with admiration.”

You can bury yourself in the pages of a book suggested by your favorite author. If the person whose opinion you respect offered you some interesting read, go ahead and dive into it. That author lived by his wits and he had proved long ago that he had some wits to live by, so his opinion matters.

Conclusion

The whole mystery of the bookish life is re-shelved by a simple principle of cultivating your reading taste with the help of world known classic books. The best and most talented brothermen share with us their view of life and you can trace that time didn’t change the values that stabilize the world.

Be picky when it comes to the choice of your circle of favorite authors. Make sure you like them personally and when you’ve done so, you can trust their judgment and get a book they consider worth reading.

Stay tuned…

Personal Growth

Never Guessed This Easy Self-Love Formula Could Change My Friend’s Life

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“Unlike her mother, she loved herself just the way she was”

I met Natasha when I was in hospital as a child, on some trifling issue with my collarbone. We got together somehow. The simplicity and cheerfulness of her nature was the best recommendation for me. Natasha was always disposed to chatter, and I loved to listen to her stories. So, when she invited me to snatch a meal at her parents’ house on one of the weekends, I agreed with delight.

A Mother’s heart

I was aware that Natasha felt somewhat uneasy to introduce me to her mom. But Natasha sensed a kind and open heart in me and wanted my smiling face to cheer her family.

I did my best to not show my astonishment at seeing her mother. But I bet it was all written on my over expressive face. I never before or since saw a woman so big. I was just a shy child and on my asking if there was anything I could do to help her with setting up the table or getting the tea ready, she became suddenly annoyed and left the room without saying a word.

I felt her unease and pain as my own. It often goes to my heart to see people unhappy in their bodies. I didn’t think a moment but acted on impulse. Rushing right after her, I hugged her and cried bitterly in her soft bosom. Often I think I am made practically from one heart and it governs my actions, leading me through the jungle of human emotions.

Natasha’s mother was a beautiful woman, shy and gentle, kind and sincere in everything she did. I realized, many years after, that this moment of uneven and impulsive emotional connection we both felt resulted from our likeness. She, just like me, was oversensitive. Her emotions were like musical strains, too tightly rendered. She had a way of noticing even a slight change in people’s attitude towards herself, and she took it too close to her heart.

That was a magic night. I do not remember laughing so much ever since.

Second Encounter

I left the hospital in a week and we lost each other, being a few years apart and busy with our lives. At that age it was a huge obstacle: I was 11 and still played with dolls and Natasha, being about 21, started to go out with boys.

In my last year at university, just before moving overseas, I rented an apartment with my friend. The kids next door were noisy little devils. On one occasion they were fighting in the little corridor we shared and ruined our shoe shelf. Their mom came out of the door just at the time when I was vainly trying to rescue my boots out of the younger boy’s hands. He was trying to kick his brother with one boot and to pull the other on his own poor head as a helmet.

I was so much taken up by the drama in front of me that I didn’t right away realize that a lady next door was dragging me out of the fighting boys’ way and into her apartment. I found myself in the kitchen, sitting at the table with the lucky boot in one hand and a cup of fragrant tea in the other.

I was well rewarded for my pains with love and hospitality bestowed on me by my old friend Natasha.

“Forget about the little rascals, Oly,” Natasha was the only person calling me so. “They will get their share of motherly affection when I’m done with you.” We hugged and kissed, we laughed and chatted till midnight, Natasha’s husband dealing with the kids.

Loving Yourself Comes First

1) Love Yourself Today

We were throwing tea parties almost every night since then. I used to look at Natasha from time to time with an air of conscious admiration. Refreshed, delighted, invigorated, she carried the world before her by the force of love she felt towards herself, her children, and her husband. She rarely came out of the apartment, mostly busying herself in the kitchen making all kinds of delicacies for her boys. She had a big heart in her rather big body.

Her husband adored her, children obeyed her ALMOST every time, and unlike her mother, she loved herself just the way she was.

2) Let Your Family and Friends Help

Natasha needed to go out more often, though. I knew that, she knew that, and her husband secretly asked me to encourage her. He tried to convince her every possible way he could invent, but being a soft and loving person, he could not say ‘but’, or ‘no’ to his sweetheart. Good enough he said ‘yes’ and ‘sure’ to everything I suggested.

First, she could see neither rhyme nor reason in it, saying, “Why would I need to go out? I have everything I need here handy. And besides, my mom was pretty sound and jolly at home too.”

Her mother died at 43. Too many health complications caused by extra weight. So, Natasha needed to change her life to be there for her family.

3) Take Little Steps

I asked her a few times to run some errands for me, excusing myself by the business of my working and studying schedule. Then I offered evening walks instead of evening tea rounds. Half hour strolls gave way to an hour one, temp getting faster, music accompanying conversations.

4) Find a Thing You Like

Natasha loved music. Her tuneless yet sweet humming was pleasing to the ear. I found out there was a dancing studio nearby. The time worked for both of us and I urged her to try. She became friendly with the elderly woman instructor. Gradually that kind and sincere lady took the place of a coach in Natasha’s life. I felt good transferring my duties to her, knowing I was leaving my lovely friend in good hands.

5) Reward Yourself

I got into a habit of sending Natasha a motivational postcard each month with little writings coming from my heart. She sent me photos of her-improving-self in gorgeous dresses she crafted for her dance performances. It was quite an expense for her family, but surely the one they could proudly enjoy, watching that charming woman’s every graceful move.

Conclusion

Natasha turned 44 last year. I feel like it was a turning point in her life. She always had a fear in her kind heart to have a similar fate as her mom had. Natasha stopped thinking this way the day she felt a deserved pride from being herself. Although her health improved significantly with some weight loss, the bigger change was in her attitude toward herself.

To the outside observer, Natasha’s body didn’t change very much. Maybe some curves got more prominent and sensual, that was all.

She WAS and IS bathing in love coming from her husband and kids. But you see, she used to be affectionate toward herself in a kind and humorous way, with a slight touch of loving mockery. Now her attitude changed.

In her eyes, there is a real, rattling satisfaction. She goes about singing and dancing, knowing how to showcase her inner and outer beauty. A growing admiration from the men and women of her dancing studio and applause from the smiling audience proved to her the thing she always knew but seldom voiced proudly. Those magic words were: “I am beautiful!”

Stay tuned…

Mental Health

Only Her Parents’ Death Could Teach Her This Simple Truth

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Essentials for building inner contentedness I’ve learned from my friend

Let us be acquainted with my childhood friend Marta.

She is my noble and generous friend. Noble not by birth but by her personal qualities, virtues of the heart. Our strange friendship started in the first grade and ended in the 8th… to be renewed with the boldness, freedom, and maturity of womanhood.

When in school, Marta used to make fun of everyone in a boisterous manner. When someone came to the class with a new school bag the classmates used to say, “Marta will be mad before long, you wait and see.” And sure to the word, she gave enough time to lamentations that all the kids were ready to swallow up all the new things they had before Marta could lay her envious eye on them. They called her ‘the practical’ because of her love for all material things.

I rarely had anything popular at the time: the cool gadget pet that you can feed and it grows into a funny fat cat or a scary huge beast; the pretty multicolor pants all girls adored and considered the only possession that can pave you a way to a popular kids’ group; the denim backpack with numerous pockets, belts and buckles that every boy and a girl had; the list is endless. The lack of those things made my life a nightmare sometimes. I was an outcast in old neatly looking pants, and a sweater my mom made with so much love that I felt her hugging me each time I heard a bullying accusation. I looked so lovely in it, which made every teacher adore me. And… yes, I was hated for that even more.

Marta’s parents were respected doctors with busy schedules and no time for sentiments. She was well dressed, well fed, well groomed… and not loved enough. There were no grandparents to substitute the lack of genuine affection, her whole being was craving for.

She started to take a fancy to me mostly because I seldom had anything worth her attention and I liked her, because she was the only child walking home with me. My friendship happened to be the most precious thing for the child that could have everything in her life but for sincere affection.

After 8th grade, we’ve lost each other. Marta and her family moved to live in the nearby city, and I stayed in my native village till graduation.

Change the desire to possess to an affectionate attitude towards yourself.

A few years ago, a nice-looking woman entered my train compartment. The long trip to the far-away city was shortened to a thought provoking and tears causing conversation.

I wanted Marta to make the running. The inner writer and explorer of human mines raining in me. I was resolved to persevere in my silent patronage of the conversation.

Marta gave voice to her inner child, and we cried bitterly and laughed heartily at the memories of a girl who considered gifts to be the merits of love. A girl who could ill bear when someone had things she considered pretty and nice. She thought that meant someone was loved more — and that notion was painful for a child deprived of a genuine feeling.

That day in the compartment Marta looked contented. Strong character was visible in the physiognomy of this young woman with her big unmoving eyes, her almost lipless mouth, and a high intelligent forehead. Marta carried herself with confidence. There was not even a passing feeling of irritation, only that physical beauty that comes from the loving energy inside.

I was not able to take my eyes off her. She radiated positive energy and every word she shared was saturated with thoughtful consideration. I couldn’t help thinking that the person in front of me was not the Marta I knew.

Recollect a painful loss.

When I asked her about the turning point, the element in her life that caused this alteration, Marta fell silent for a moment, so much taken up with her thoughts that her eyes seemed to stop seeing.

The loss she endured was painful enough to make her think of what she could have exchanged for a life given back. Her parents didn’t have time to love her, but she loved them with every cell of her body and every vibe of her soul. She was only 18 when an unchained element of nature left her an orphan, her parents’ car being smashed from the road by a violent gust of wind, both her mom and dad dying instantly.

It seemed like a dream, or fiction, or chimera. Vulnerable and insecure, Marta was left alone to think about the present. The past was gone, but the future was hers. Anything in that timeframe of days bygone and days to be still lived was compared to that particular incident.

I could see into the inside of her nature with the eyes that understand and the heart that can weep in unison with her soul. I lost my father in a car accident only a few months prior to our meeting with Marta. The day I received a call from my mother I would never want to forget. It turned my world upside down, and it stayed this way till that meeting with her on the train. I finally had a person who spoke to my heart with the words it could understand.

Any feeling, being at its utmost tension was measured to the one we both felt at that time of a loss. She showed me how to not be at war with myself. Life, after having handled her so roughly, seemed now was willing to teach her the survival skills. She found the diary her mother had, and that precious notebook was full of tender words her mother seldom voiced but no doubt felt — and that was the only thing that mattered.

Think about true values in life.

Marta was not going from then on, she was led by love. The exhilarating effect that love has, changed her understanding of true values. Any envious feeling towards material possessions of others disappeared like a star lost in the distant darkness of the horizon.

Her salvation was in a feeling of gratitude. Her beauty was in the desire to devote her life to the people she loved. Her life was in pursuing the course of in-spirited life: a life of inner and outer health.

Marta had no family left. She decided to have a big one comprised of abandoned children, orphans. She volunteered for many years in various orphanages around the country and abroad. Marta’s family left her a substantial legacy which she spent on education and donated to different causes.

Train your senses to feel empathy.

Marta was lost in wondering and half-admiration when we shared the account of some major facts from our mutual friends’ lives. She felt genuine enjoyment from seeing others succeed, and sincere sympathy towards the ones failing to achieve the desired.

She witnessed life undisguised, seldom gentle and often cruel. Her experience made her compassionate and generous. Marta favored a minimalist approach to material possessions. She became a passionate advocate of children’s rights. Her dream was not to have a luxurious house and an expensive car, but a tiny home full of love and child’s laughter.

Our shared journey was coming to an end. Marta waited silently for any fresh question that I could have, being a little tired from all the various emotions she forced herself to go through again. She surely satisfied all legitimate curiosity, and I let her rest and husband her strength, joining her in contemplation of a succession of low hills and rich forests outside the window.

Remind yourself of the love you have.

Marta became an active, vigorous woman, and even now I can see her in my mind’s eye being happy in her chosen career. She is a therapist working with at-risk youth.

She rarely breathes a word of her private misgivings, but always opens a listening spot in her busy schedule for a friend who needs some consolation. And she offers her love with that shy grace that is so very charming.

Marta and her husband do not give up hope to have their own kids. For over 10 years, they failed to conceive. They adopted a two-year-old girl and a 13-year-old special needs boy, two siblings whom they didn’t want to separate. Every time I visit my native country, I go to their house to get the feeling of unconditional love. This family is happiness personified. Her daughter experiments with my hair and her son makes me play all known table games with him. I go home with my hair tangled and my heart singing.

Marta shares love. And the more she gives, the more she has coming back to her. Marta’s life is unbroken by the misfortunes. Every painful event stitched the pieces of heartwarming feelings together, making a beautiful patchwork quilt of her love-centered life.

Conclusion

Let love be your faithful guardian that keeps close watch and prevents you from taking a negative feeling into your life. Let empathy be your true comforter that reminds you about the beautiful emotions that fill your heart and soul. And the bitterness of past grief should bore you company in moments of false despair. The contradiction between them will bring back your self-control.

I am just beginning to pour forth in the most respectful manner the stories of people who were able to restore equilibrium in their lives. Often, we obliged to go away together and take our laugh or tears out with the person who opens his/her heart to us. You should not regret the time spent when you become wiser with the experience that was lived through by someone else.

Stay tuned…